as a 30 year old BPD sufferer with low self esteem, how can i form friendships & relationships with people &?

Question

keep them?

i find it incredablly difficult an often lose people. but i want to change and i want to no how to be different to work on this.

i run dry with coversation alot, run dry of what to say and deeply fear rejection, which i find always happens.

my low self esteem always shines through casting me into bad light.
i'd appreciate advise.
my regards to you

i also get clingy and needy.....which i wish i wasn't

Answer 1

the part about being needy captured my attention because i think it fits directly into how people have used and manipulated you in the past. i have been there- i still get too attached too quickly when i meet someone who seems to like me and more than half the time they have some underlying motive for getting close to me...
all anyone can do is wait for the few individuals that are true and loyal. they are out there and they neither try to give you things to ingratiate themselves nor ask you for anything... maybe it won't seem evident at first but i have a feeling that you are already in contact with a person or people who will become lifelong friends...
i know it's hard to be lonely and harder to be patient but that will help you to avoid control freaks and gossip mongers... you deserve much better!!!

Answer 2

I'd love to help you on this one but I'm a BPD sufferer as well and at one point or another I will always push the relationships away. I fear abandonment immensely but if I have the control it doesn't hurt. Yep it's definitely confusing that's why the pro's haven't figured us out... It's this thinking of ours that EVERYONE we meet needs to like us otherwise the rejection is too hard to deal with which then turns into ABANDONMENT followed by isolation. It's a deadly circle and maybe proper treatment can help you but it's very intense and a long road. Best of luck to ya, and I hope you find your answer. Good Luck

Answer 3

As a person who also has bipolar disorder I totally understand how difficult it can be to make and keep relationships. My solution has been to try and focus conversations on others and happy topics and try not to go on and on about my problems and issues. I also don't go out with new friends when I'm having a rough day, I'm not trying to hide who I am, but I don't think it helps anyone (including myself) to be in a situation with new people and feeling bad. Also, if you have a hard time thinking about things to talk about it might help to make a list of things you want to talk about or topics you're passionate about; keep it in your pocket or review it before going into a social situation. Hope this helps. Part of having good relationships with others starts with loving yourself, 'cause when people see that, they will want to get to know you too.

Answer 4

Living with BPD is an absolute pain in the ***! Try CBT therapy, it will helap in all the areas you mentioned by retraining how you think. a good place to start is the book "Feeling good the new mood therapy" by Burns, it teaches that how we think in turn dictates how we feel, and helps us efficently process information given to us so we look at things in a rational sense. It changed my life completely.

Answer 5

I for one, wish you would stop referring to yourself, as a BPD sufferer..this is an incorrect diagnosis I believe of you. You are more like emotionally not being taken care of, or getting the kind of true caring and attention you need...you are 'stuck' where you are, because of finances, I think...and you have had your self confidence smashed down so low, that you feel like you aren't worthy or even good enough to talk to others, putting them above you...YOU need to stand on that pedistal...and stop talking about the things you see in yourself as negative..you are so much more than that. You can be interesting, and express the things that you love...you might be really surprized, to see that most people, have many problems, worse than you do, but chose not to share them...go for it, you are far more that what your doctor has branded you with..as are most people who are suffering the same way

Answer 6

As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, therapy is probably your best bet at improving your esteem. Look into DBT if you haven't already. It was developed specifically for borderlines.

Answer 7

Watch Dr. Phil