We have been together for 11 years/engaged for 7 years. I am 26/he's 28. We argue a lot. I want to save money for a wedding/honeymoon/house and he spends it all and then some. He has racked up $15K debt w/o my knowledge. He's not sure if he wants to get married b/c of the fighting and he feels unfulfilled and bored. He wants to smoke pot basically daily and wants me to be ok w/ it. He's been leaving for days at a time when we argue. He says he just does not want to compromise anymore. He says he really loves me which I 100% believe but he is just really confused. We broke up today and he's moving out. I'm keep our apt and he's going to stay w/ his mom for a few months to save money. We decided that if we both realize breaking up was a huge mistake within a few months we could get back together. Maybe some time really apart and on his own he will realize what he has lost see the grass is not greener on the other side and be ready to spend his life w/ me. Anyone ever go through this... ?
2007-09-15 09:39:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have been together since we were very young. Maybe this break-up and time apart will make us stronger in the end if we do get back together... ? Time for him to clear his head. The old saying goes "you don't know what you have until it's gone". Will this maybe wake him up?????
2007-09-15 09:40:11 · update #1
forget him hes still a kid in the head,look for someone else and dont wait around for a druggie.
2007-09-15 09:43:39 · answer #1 · answered by me m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this break up could be the best thing that has ever happened to both of you. You have been living in a comfort zone of sorts for all these years..never experiencing other people or even adult life on your own. Who knows, some time apart could bring you guys closer than ever..or it could turn out to be you realize the romantic side of your relationship is over and you are just better as friends now. DO NOT spend this time waiting around thinking he is coming back. Go out there and live...be single...see what it's like to just be an "I" not a "we"..hang out with your girlfriends..have them over giggle and be dorks..remember your still young. If after a bit you want to try dating a guy, great! But I wouldn't suggest moving directly into another serious, committed relationship so quickly after ending one that had lasted over a decade. Honey, the world is spread out before you and the only one you have to answer to now is you...find out what YOU want and go for it...he should also...and if in the end...after a HEALTHY separation the two of you decide you want to take the journey to fulfilling your dreams together, well then great. If not? Great too. Life doesn't end when a relationship does, sometimes it gets even better! (ps...I have been with my husband since we were 17. we are still together but I really think a time away from each other to find out who we were as adults, etc, would have avoided a lot of the issues we have now..so I am not completely talking out of nowhere :D)
2007-09-15 09:55:44 · answer #2 · answered by silentscreamer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep, been through it before, twice as a matter of fact, and I hate to tell you, but neither times it worked out. You need to get your head out of the sand and realize that this may not work. Even with time apart, coming back together may work for a short amount of time, but usually the struggles you two have now will be brought back up within a couple of months. If he's spending money without your knowledge when you're trying to save, that will most likely continue. If you're fighting now, that will most likely continue. Why do you think you deserve only this? In my situations, we split up and took time apart and both times got back together with these guys and that was the situation. I'm not saying yours can't be different, because sometimes people do change, but you seem to be so worried about him coming back to you instead of thinking about who else might be out there that you don't have to worry about these things with. And him leaving for days at a time? Come on, I've been in the boat before too and there's nothing more terrible than lying in bed by yourself knowing your man is out there and you're in the middle of another freakin argument. You can find better, honey, I promise!! It does not take this much work to have a successful relationship. He said it himself, he doesn't want to compromise anymore. Why do you? I know you love him and he loves you, but something I also learned, sometimes love just isn't enough. I know that sounds like a corny song title, but it's amazing how true it is.
Take this time to start meeting some new people and asking people who have been successfully married about their relationships and most importantly, build up that confidence and know if it doesn't work out, it's for the better and there's something amazing just around the corner for you!
2007-09-15 09:54:19 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this break is going to do you BOTH good, not just him. You need to concentrate on what you really want and stop thinking so much about how the break is going to affect him and how he feels. You may end up feeling differently yourself, you never know. If you're very careful with your money and he is a spendthrift, that can be a very bad combination. Take this time apart to think about what you really want in life also. Yes, you may miss each other and get back together. And if so, that's great. But you also may realize during this time that you may want to see what else is out there. You've been together a very long time and this is all you know.
2007-09-15 09:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem isn't him, it's you.
You have let him get away with all this behavior for 11 years, and worst of all have wasted your time on a person who puts chemicals and shopping first in his life.
He's not confused at all about what he wants to do, because he's doing it.
Let him go do it with a new victim, and don't waste what's left of your Twenties on him. You should be spending these fantastic years, which will never come again, finding a good husband, and having little ones. Chalk this guy up to experience, and start running your own life, and take responsibility for making it better.
If you want to stop being a doormat, you have to get up off the floor.
2007-09-15 09:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are already fighting like this it will only get worse if you get married. Do you want to be divorced? It wouldn't make sense to marry this guy. If you've been together since you were very young you just don't know any different. There is someone out ther who will make you happy and not fight with you and not smoke pot and not leave for days at a time. It sounds to me like he's not happy either.
2007-09-15 09:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by chevygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both were very young when you met each other. Maybe you should date other people to see what else is out there. He looks like he is not ready to settle down anytime soon. You've been engaged for 7 years??? Sweety move on. You're wasting your time with him. Do you really want to marry a pothead? I'm sorry I can't help you anymore.
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
2007-09-15 09:49:40 · answer #7 · answered by DoLz 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are better off without this loser. He just wants someone else to pay his bills while he lays about smoking pot. I sure wouldn't consider marriage with someone that spends money without your knowledge. That would make you liable for the bills when the creditors come after the $$$. You have wasted enough of your life on him. We only go around once. It is better to be single than saddled with a bum.
2007-09-15 09:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by soupkitty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he is still young and alot of times guys don' want to get married that early because they want to be able to go have fun with whoever he wants he probably doesnt whant to have to make such a big comitment or have to save money get a well paying job start dress nicley or have to be tied up all the time! sry im not alot of help but im only 11!
2007-09-15 09:49:56 · answer #9 · answered by * 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A break will be good for you. It'll give you the opportunity to decide whether you really want to keep him. Don't let be all about him. Make this break up all about you - time to look around, time to find yourself. From what you're saying, sounds like your priorities don't line up anyway.
2007-09-15 09:46:28 · answer #10 · answered by curious gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better Single than Sorry.
Time to spread your wings and explore the world. It was a chapter in your life...there is more out there for you and him to learn from..and you can't grow and learn anything new from that relationship..except to see the red flags that you don't want/needin your life.
Its time for you both to let the rest of the world into your lives...there is much to do and live for.
Good luck ...its all good. -- Bookstore and library have knowledge for you to be guided by.
2007-09-15 09:49:17 · answer #11 · answered by Shauno 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋