I would first like to say that iam not a ***** and I do have values but this is a problem.There was this guy that works in the restaurant next to me and one night when I went to his restaurant with my friend he started speaking to me in my language (spanish)so my friend couldn't understand.As he knew I was going away to Spain forever he asked me to kiss him.We went round the back and just kissed,I loved it ,we had such a connection I was really feeling him.I went to Spain,it was horrible so I came back.That night when I came bck he told me he was married,I played it quite cool but I was pissed off and I told him he was an idiot.He wants to carry on seeing me.What shall I do?I really do like him.Part of the reason why he got married was to be in this country,he has given me his number and he must of felt guilty because he told me straight away,he is always asking my mum about me.Hes just 21,im 19 please help I really have feelings for him and I think he does for me,maybe it is just lust
2007-09-15 09:21:48 · 79 answers · asked by sxy latina XXX 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And how do you know that his wife isn't a cheating **** that is sleeping with lots of guys??And obviously if we have sex,I will use protection
2007-09-15 09:33:03 · update #1
Don't get involved, if he's married he made a commitment. If he isn't honoring it, I don't think it's right to date him.
2007-09-15 09:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 11⤊ 0⤋
Wow, people are so judgemental. If it were as easy as all of these people write then there wouldn't be so many people cheating on their spouses. Even though I am a female, if I were a guy, I think I would be a little upset at all of the male bashing in this section. After all, married men AND women cheat.
You are still so very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Perhaps you have feelings for him because he is unavailable. Do you really think you deserve having to share a man with another woman? If he was comfortable hitting on you that first night I can guarantee you that he has other girls besides you and the wife, especially if he is 21 and can get into clubs and bars.
Forget about the wife, forget about him, think about your happiness. Think about how stressed and frustrated and confused you are now. It is only bound to get worse the longer you continue trying to have a relationship with him.
If you do decide to continue with this then when you are heartbroken and unhappy the only person that you can blame is yourself. You can't blame him because you know he is married. Also, you can never expect to have a normal relationship with him as he can never really be your boyfriend.
2007-09-15 09:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eeeeeks!! Tough situation. And no judgements I assure you.
The problem here is, regardless of his reasons for getting married, he is still married. And that contract of loyalty and love between him and his wife is something that he should not be willing to break. It is possible for him to like you but at the same time, he isn't being fair to his wife. It's hard for you to be stuck in this situation also, because you began something with him not knowing that he was married, he wasn't honest, maybe because he thought you were going to be gone forever. You could just be lusting over him, that is possible, sometimes it's easy to like someone because you can't have them. But my advice is stay away. As hard as that is, try and keep the relationship neutral or avoid seeing him all together. If he truly feels stuck in his marriage and is unhappy that he got married for the wrong reasons, then he should consider getting a divorce because he's not being fair to you or his wife acting the way he is right now. I hope this helps, it's a really tricky situation, just try and think of what it might be like from his wife's perspective, where she's married a man she loves, and trusts and he's telling other girls that he's not happy in his marriage. It would be heartbreaking. Do your best to stay away from this situation all together. Good luck!
2007-09-15 09:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know what the right thing to do is, you're smart enough to see it but you're looking for some sort of justification from us. You will not find it.
It doesn't matter if his wife is cheating or not. HE IS, and he's cheating with you.
And yes, it's lust not love. A truly loving husband would try everything he could think of to save his marriage and not bow to the pressure to cheat.
Don't walk away, RUN away! And do it now before you take one more step toward destroying the marriage vows he & his wife swore before God, family, and friends.
If you are destined to be together in any way, you must wait until all possibilities for his marriage are dust. This means waiting until after his divorce, if any, is final and irrevocable.
2007-09-15 16:06:57 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never a good idea to mess with a married person. All it does is create problems for all involved. There will be many more opportunities for you to "really like" someone at your ripe old age of 19. Do yourself a favour and give him up. If he cheats on his wife, my dear, you can be sure he'll also cheat on you. Don't get hung up on him, or any other married man. Most of them never leave their wives and only want a change from their already boring married life. They're full of promises about wanting you, not their wife, and that when the time is right he'll leave his wife because he loves you not her, but the "right time" never seems to materialize.
2007-09-15 09:32:48 · answer #5 · answered by largerladybug 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This may not be the answer you want to hear but you know what to do. If not, you wouldn't be asking. Yes, it is hard to let go. Yes ,it would be more fun to be with him. But what does that say about you? Is that the person you want to be? Is this the man for you, one who would cheat on his wife regardless of the circumstances?
Do yourself a favor...walk away. You will save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run. What now seems like an exciting adventure will soon leave you feeling dirty, used, and shameful. Going forward with this knowing where he is in your life, will be you making the choice to pursue your own demeaning.
Instead honor yourself and your values. If it is truly meant to be then let it be when it is right and no one is being hurt or betrayed in order for you to be together. It isn't right at this moment, and you know this. Have the courage to be true to yourself and get the benefit of being able to look yourself in the eye everyday.
2007-09-15 09:32:24 · answer #6 · answered by meitay 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A relationship based on subterfuge is doomed to fail. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is so casual about vows? He says he got married to stay in the country, which could be a lie, but either way, this is a person who has so little respect for the union of marriage that he would use it as an ends to a means. Also did he mention whether or not the woman he married is aware that it was simply a visa issue? Even if she is...would you not have to avoid the government finding out? Do they not have to be married for a period of time to prove it wasn't marriage of convenience? Is that something that you want to be part of? A lie? Or even someone who makes out with strangers in the back of bars? Oh wait..you did that too. But at least you weren't married. I suggest you find someone who is UNATTACHED who takes promises seriously, and who doesn't already have an obvious history of lying. You need to evaluate your priorities and were your moral boundries end and begin. Best of luck!
2007-09-15 09:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by silentscreamer 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Run Don't Walk. You start messing with a married man will only get you hurt. You say the both of you are Spanish that usually means your each Catholic and that is suppose to mean no divorce. I wouldn't let him talk me in to a affair because your playing a losing game . You find a unmarried man and in America they are plentiful but don't mess with a married man ,you'll only most of the time , get hurt. By him working a Resturant he isn't making a lot of money , so go don't look back , leave him alone.
2007-09-15 09:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you have values then walk away and when he shows you divorce papers then pursue if both of you still want to. Saying first of all I am not a ***** shows that you know if you pursue this that that is what you will be called and what you will feel about yourself. Think about the hurt you will be doing to someone else, have a heart and do not be the cause of a broken relationship. If he does not want to be married then he will get a divorce, once he does then he will seek you out again and true love will prevail and not just lust.
2007-09-15 09:28:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should think about it like this... If you were married would you want some girl kissing all on your husband. Karma always comes back to get you one way or another. If I were you I'd just move on and forget about him. And another thing, some guys will tell you anything to get with you...he might say that he married her to stay in the country but I'm sure that's just one of the many reasons. The point being is it's lust, he's married. Move on
2007-09-15 09:27:50 · answer #10 · answered by Lynnball 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So he says the reason he got married is to be in this country. Can you believe that? And if you were married would you want your husband to see someone on the side? The only thing I can think of is: "What goes around, comes around". So be careful on what you choose to do. You are young and there are many fish in the sea for you. Have fun while you are young. You will know when you find Mr. Right and not Mr. Right-Now.
2007-09-15 09:31:16 · answer #11 · answered by football mom 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋