My boyfriend & I broke up for a few months & he moved & made some new friends.Then We made up & got married ,but this female friend of his that he met ( they did not date...but she did really like him) is trying hard to befriend me. My hubby called me & told me about every second of his day during the break, so I knew who the gal was.
I have total trust in my hubby,so no worries there, but I figure this gal,even though she is super nice to me,is not someone I really care to hang out with.I am aquainted with her & that is fine, but have no desire to build a friendship....I doubt her feelings for my hubby have totally faded since he got married & Like I say, am not too worried about her as far as competition.
My husband sees her very rarely & only when I am with him.Only when she calls do we have contact with her.But the gal has now started calling me & asking to hang out.
How can I be classy & still not hang out with her?
Am I right to suspect she has slightly ulterior motives?
2007-09-15 09:06:12 · 20 answers · asked by Mono 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
WeeDoggies!
You're not out of line, and this tale REEKS of her ulterior motive.
Honesty, tact and cutting to the chase is classy. How about something like, "I appreciate your attention, but I don't want to share a closer friendship with you" (if this is true for you). It's also classy to refrain from explaining yourself. Tie it all up with a classy "please excuse me" and exit.
Very best wishes for the speedy demise of this offer.
I wouldn't want to invite complications into my life, nor be overly concerned with folks who take issue with my decisions in matters of personal taste.
2007-09-15 09:19:17 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right. She does have ulterior motives. By being friends with you and your husband, she can keep in touch and connected to him. She might even try to break both of you up so she can jump in to fill your shoes or seduce/tempt your husband when the opportunity arises. You should not trust her at all. Tell her outright that you do not want to hang out with her. The worse thing is for you to take her on as a mutual friend and eventually she gets into his pants. What a regrettable disaster it would be.
2007-09-16 05:38:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your instincts are correct. I'm gonna say she's aware that you're trying to blow her off and maybe she's a tad bit psycho because she is STILL calling you trying to wear you down (you can't be busy forever....tactic). Desperate women do desperate things.
I'd do 2 things: 1) get call waiting and either block or don't answer her calls ever and 2) if you do happen to run into her or she catches you on the phone politely tell her that gee, she's called a few times before and you haven't had time and gosh, you know you really don't have time to engage in any new friendships because your personal life is crazy busy and your simply not available to reciprocate the things a friendship calls for.
And.....maybe mention to your husband that she's called a little too often and if the situation presents itself you intend on putting the kabash on her advances to build a friendship - you are just not into it. YOU DON"T HAVE ANY OBLIGATION.
2007-09-15 10:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by Mamacita 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your stand in this issue is perfectly fine even if she doesn't have any ulterior motives atm (you never know). At least you are not in a situation where you enjoyed her company became good friends and she had real ulterior motive. Or on the flip side you hate each other and your husband felt like he was in an egoist struggle.
Do as you normally do and keep it at that.
2007-09-15 10:44:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heck no dont hang out with this girl! You cant trust females now days, even your friends! Just ignore her and eventually she will get the hint. If she gets her feelings hurt then o-well, you have to protect yourself not her! Just let your husband know how you feel, im sure he will understand! And you are right to suspect that she ulterior motives, she is a female trying to get close to your husband through you!!!
2007-09-15 09:24:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's the one who is out-of-line! She wants to get closer to your husband by becoming a friend of the family. You are wise not to want to build a friendship with her--because she would never really be your friend.
You're a lucky lady to have a husband whom you can trust so deeply--but this woman is attempting to break up your home.
I suppose you could politely tell her that you have other plans, etc. when she calls. We all lead busy lives--it would not be unreasonable for you to be tired, ill, need to finish up work at home, whatever. I wouldn't let that woman near your home, and I wouldn't go anywhere with her. I, personally, would even cut phone calls short..."long distance on the other line," etc.
As the first answerer said, you are under no obligation to be anyone's friend if you don't want to be.
2007-09-15 09:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-09 05:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not she has ulterior motives, if you don't care to hang out with her or have a friendship, keep being busy when she calls you and cut conversation short.
2007-09-15 10:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about it. Maybe he can become a mediator between the two of you and can help her move on with her life without you as a friend! Because I agree...she's probably trying to figure you out so she can try to get your husband. Stand your ground!
Women can be catty...go with your gut!
2007-09-15 09:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the question about ulterior motives. If you have been slightly "indifferent" - she should be able to tell. If she continues, maybe you should have a chat with your usband and explain to him that you don't have a desire to be more than acquaintences with his friend. If he doesn't have a chat with her, then you should. However, I'd be suspicious too.
2007-09-15 09:12:41 · answer #10 · answered by Lori E 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋