Does Anyone Else Have This Problem???

Question

When I was a kid my parents never let us have pets. They kept a relatively clean house and always refused to put up with the mess that animals make; also, my brother and I were bad enough. I always complained that I wanted a pet and couldn't understand Mom and Dad's logic against it -- until now. Today, as an adult in a house full of filthy animals, I see my parents' point of view.
My wife is a big animal lover and has passed this trait to our nine-year-old daughter. To date we have one dog, three cats, two birds, one hamster, and nine goldfish. At one time we had four birds and twelve hamsters. At the time I started to cohabitate with my wife -- about ten years ago, when I was thirty-two -- she had only two cats and two birds, and I think my stepson had hamsters or mice. Other than the occasional cat hair in the butter dish or skidmarks on my pillowcase, I tolerated the mess. (Being in a new relationship, one doesn't always ***** and complain a lot if one wants to get laid.) I think the first time I lost it was when my wife hung the birdcage from the kitchen ceiling and the birds would flutter around, their feathers, food, and fecal matter leaving the cage and landing wherever... sometimes in the dinner I was ready to eat.
But that was nothing compared with my life these days. And it's not only the freaky fecal episodes of the animals that bother me. Growing up, the only time I experienced fecal matter in the house was in the bathroom. Today I experience it everywhere. I'm no angel, and I will admit that living with my gas attacks is no picnic, and that I can destroy a toilet with the best of them; but my wife and my daughter and the all the animals are driving me nuts.
The Wife. A lot of women are shy about shitting and farting in front of others, especially their significant other. I once dated a girl for five years and never recall hearing her fart; I don't think she ever dropped a load. I like that sort of woman. Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy a good tale from a female, but I prefer the woman I live with and **** to be fecal free. Well, after over ten years together, my wife has no shame in ripping massive farts and leaving skid marks on the toilet seat; and believe me, she can stink up a bathroom as good as any man.
The Child. A few years back I told P how my wife was always the one on cleanup detail after our daughter dropped a loaf. Our daughter is now nine years old and finally she wipes her own ***; but she will only use wet wipes. Since we don't want a garbage can full of stinky, ****-crusted wipes, we buy the "flushable wipes," and those suckers ain't cheap. This damn wet wipe addiction is forcing my daughter into a life of Shameful Shitting. It seems that nearly every time I pick her up from school she wants to rush home immediately due to the fact that she was been "holding it" all day. She just refuses to use the dry toilet paper at school. I love the child and want her to be happy, but I have certainly survived using dry paper for over forty years... and those flushable wet wipes are expensive...
The Dog. Dixie, our four-year-old sheltie, rarely has an accident. I can't remember the last time she **** in the house -- probably not since she was a pup. This dog can really hold a load and has an iron bladder; I've witnessed her go up to eighteen hours without pissing. My problem with the dog is that she shits ALL OVER the yard. Instead of squatting and dropping a pile, Dixie will drop a nugget, move a foot, drop a nugget, move a foot, and continue this up to twenty times per defecation. The dog spends a fair amount of time outside and when she sees a stranger or hears something odd she will run around like a maniac, galloping through her own ****, mud, and whatever else is on the ground. The dog will then come into the house, run on the carpet, and jump on the furniture and the beds with her dookie-covered paws. What burns me is that my wife has the nerve to ***** me out if I walk on the carpet with my shoes on -- even after I wiped them. The only other thing about this dog is that Dixie is a cat **** eater. I have on occasion caught her with her head in the litter box. We feed the dog well, but I guess kitty poop is a doggie delicacy.
Cat One. Max is fourteen years old, blind, and has chronic diarrhea. The vet told my wife four years ago to put Max to sleep and out of his misery; but the wife just won't submit. This cat can really blast *** -- once he shot a watery load all over the side of the dryer about two feet from the ground. This cat shits and pukes everywhere. He tries to make it to the litter box but often he "craps out" or gets confused. About a month ago my wife spent $700 on a new living room chair that has now become Max's favorite spot to sleep. I have witnessed him use the litter box and immediately head for this new chair, his *** hair crusted in liquid poop. The cat also uses the new chair as a scratching post and has already frayed several threads.
Cat Two. Ziggy is an outdoor cat. He only has three legs -- he lost a front leg to cancer about four years ago. He can still kill birds and moles and he gets in his share of raccoon fights... he is a tough old bastard. Everyone in the neighborhood feeds him; he will disappear for up to five days at a time and come home happy and well fed. Since the cat is getting older my wife tries to keep Ziggy inside, especially during bad weather, but the cat will let out this ******* annoying cry and scratch at the door. If that doesn't work, Ziggy has a trick that will surely gets us to boot his *** outside: he will shamelessly **** in front of us. Many a time my wife has insisted on keeping Ziggy inside for his own good, like after he gets his *** kicked by a raccoon. This makes the cat rebel and the rotten prick will walk right up to us, perhaps when we are watching the tube, look us dead in the eye, and blatantly drop a steaming pile.
Last year when we went on vacation we kept all three cats in the basement for a week. My stepson and parents came over daily to feed the cats. Ziggy shat all over the basement regularly and refused to use the litter box. My stepson told us that one day he stopped over and Ziggy made several attempts to get outside. After the cat gave up he lay down on his side, looked at my stepson, and just squeezed out a monster log.
Cat Three. Puss-Puss is only two years old and is still mischievous. My only problem with her is that she will use the litter box after Max paints it with diarrhea, and then she'll sit on the furniture with kitty litter and Max's dung all over her backside.
The Birds. As I said earlier, all kinds of crap flies from bird cages. We started out two years ago with one male canary, and that was tolerable. When the thing stopped singing my wife figured it was lonely. We bought an inexpensive companion -- a male finch. The two birds would fight regularly, so my wife bought another cage in order to separate the birds. Now we had two lonely birds. My wife's solution was to go out and buy a female canary and a female finch. We had to keep the cages at the highest point in the house -- on top of our five-foot-high entertainment center -- because Puss Puss desperately wants a bird to chomp on. So the top of the entertainment center, the television, and the DVD player -- not to mention the carpet -- is always littered with bird ****, birdseed, and feathers. Thankfully we managed to get rid of the finches, which cuts down on the mess.
The Hamster. The funniest and the grossest display in my house comes courtesy our hamster and his infamous Wheel of ****. I don't know if anyone is familiar with these newfangled cages in which the hamster exercise wheel is enclosed and on top of the cage. The hamster can climb through a tube to access the wheel, which is sealed except for a few air slits. Hamsters are filthy rodents that drop little turds constantly; needless to say, this wheel is crusted with a trail of smeared crap and the little ****** runs and runs and shits and shits. It is so ******* nasty and, especially at three AM, annoying. I just know fecal matter is flying through those air slits. We keep the hamster cage up next to the birdcage because the Puss Puss also wants that hamster for dinner.
I can't believe we haven't caught a weird disease living under these conditions. I panic if I see a fly in the house -- odds are it was just sitting on an animal turd minutes earlier. But I am outnumbered two to one in the household; so I guess I must learn to make all feces my friend, and try and enjoy my household of filth.

Answer 1

Holy crap, that was long!
Ok. Firstly sounds like your having some marital issues with the wife. It sounds like you feel that she has somehow tricked you into a relationship that you are now "stuck" in. As a female, I resent some of the wordage you used to describe the act of courtship as trying to get tale etc...
She appears to be just being who she has always been, an animal lover. She had pets when she met you after all. It's not like she said she hated animals then, after the I' do's said, "Oh and by the way..."
It also sounds like she is unaware that you are having such an issue with her bodily noises and habits. May be you could quietly and calmly with no cursing explain to her that there are some things that are making your life very uncomfortable.
We (Ladies) have a right to fart wherever we need to. Most of us try to be discreet. Explain to your wife as lovingly as you can that it really disturbs you that she rips them in front of you. She may not know that she is really bothering you. You can also try to explain that leaving "skid-marks" on the toilet gross you out. As for stinking up the bathroom, sorry- it happens, buy air freshener and move on.

The Child, you are enabling her to continue her dependance on wet wipes. STOP BUYING THEM. She will begin wiping using regular old toilet paper when she gets tired of having crusty butt. It's a phase and hopefully will be a short lived one. To me, it would be worth the extra laundry for a few weeks. Besides, holding your bowels for that long is not healthy!

The dog- Dixie. Best bet is to put your foot down and demand that she have her paws wiped off before coming inside. A quick wipe with a towel should ease your issues with her. She may not be able to help her deficating methods, it's not like she has a toilet seat to lean on. The best defence against her stepping in it is to scoop it up right away. You can do it yourself (have the child do it) or many communities have a company that will do it for you. Your wife may have never thought to wipe the dog's paws.

Max- Explain that the older cat is really not enjoying life anymore, be kind and understand that putting a pet to sleep is a hard choice to make. Point out how his life is no longer enjoyable, the diarrhea being blind/ deaf etc... You can also take him to the groomer and ask for a "sanitary cut" this will shave the long hairs around his nether region and make cleaning him up after an accident MUCH easier.

Ziggy- Sounds like you are ok with him as long as he's not on the injured list. When he has to be kept inside "for his own good" you might consider buying a large kennel and placing it in a covered spot outside. Give him a litter box, food and water dishes and a place to get warm (a closed cardboard box with a hole cut into with a towel inside works well.) This way he is outside, so if he does howel, you won't hear him and if he does poo outside the box, its very simple to cleanup.

Puss Puss- She cant help if she needs to poo and max has been there first. I would suggest having two boxes out, this will give her the option using a clean box. If max is put to sleep, then that ends that problem.

Birds- There is an item called a cage skirt. It wraps around the bottom 1/3rd of a cage and really helps cut down on the stuff that flies out of the cage. You can also, depending on how big the cage is, use an appropriate sized hook and hang the cage from the ceiling. This would enable you place the cage anywhere you deem acceptable.

Hamster- Nasty creatures I agree. Your family is probably too attached to get rid of it, so the best you can do is limit the mess. Look for a new cage one that has the wheel inside the cage proper. They do exist, I promise.

It sounds as if you are a borderline germaphobe, who is very uncomforatble living with this may animals. I would talk to your wife in as kind and honest a way as you can and explain that while you don't mind the animals, they need to be cleaned up after in a more timely manner. Keep Clorox wipes so that simple cleanups are a snap. Our dogs are not allowed on the bed, unles we invite them "up". It sounds like your dog might do well with a little training refresher, then you an use some of those cues to restrict her unwanted behaviour while in the house.

Good grief this took forever! Hope this helped a little!

Answer 2

LMFSO !!
I have 13 cats, 2 dogs, 1 bird, 1 lizard 3 tanks of fish and 4 teenagers in my house and it seems like a haven of peace and tranquility compared to yours !
You've really got to take control of this and nibble away at the problem a bit at a time instead of just suddenly going Basil on it.
For 3 cats you need at least 3 trays - they should be cleaned daily which will help to stop the cats tracking through each other's doings every time they pay a visit. Get the old cat to the vet and see what can be done - chronic diarrhea needs to be sen to.
The hamster wheel should be removed and soaked ( minus hamster of course) in warm soapy water and then scrubbed. This should be done regularly to avoid the threat of atomized hamster crap being sprayed around the room at high velocity.
You need to get a tray to go under the bird cage to catch the mess ( this also should be cleaned out daily.)
The yard needs to be kept ultra clean - I also had a dog that shat in installments and the only way to avoid getting it tracked in to the house is to clean the yard.
As for your child's fixation on wet wipes - provide norrmal toilet paper - if that's not god enough let her buy her wet wipes with her own pocket money.
BTW most people fart regardless of age sex or wealth - you must have just been leading a sheltered life.

Oddly enough living amongst all this has probably made you immune to most things going !

Hope you feel better now you've had your rant - I'll just go clean up that furball !

Answer 3

Oh, man. That sounds awful. Maybe I can help with one or two things. About the cat with horrible diarrhea. If he is having that much trouble, ask your wife to consider how Max is feeling. Diarrhea is painful. And he's throwing up too? His life must be hell. Really, if he has something you can't treat, why make him live with that? It's really being selfish to want to keep him around in that condition, rather than letting him be at peace. If you ask her to empathize with the cat rather than you, you may make headway. Second, with your daughter. As a mother of a headstrong 5 year old, I totally empathize with you. Does she get an allowance? Ask her to buy her wipes with her allowance and bring them to school with her. If she runs out, she'll just have to deal with it. Buy nice soft toilet paper for home, so it's as comfortable an alternative as possible. From there, you'll have to decide which will work better with her, asking her to handle her own dirty laundry when she doesn't wipe or throwing it out. As far as the birds and hamster are concerned, couldn't they be in separate rooms from the cats so they don't have to be so high? Put drop cloths under them to catch the feces. The outdoor cat: as far as he's concerned when he's inside you're imprisoning him without access to the toilet. He doesn't recognize the litter box as a litter box. Some people have reported success by putting dirt on top of the litter in the litter box. It feels like what he normally goes on so it may fool him. In multiple cat households you should have a litter box for each cat and one extra (in case you dont).

Answer 4

man i admire your courage and all the energy it must have taken you to type this. i think a couple other people have that problem too. but what they dont have is the courage to keep up the care instead of booting them out on the street. what you should do is set some limits though. i dont mean locking them away forever. what i mean is compromise. talk to your wife and daughter. i mean come on, do the birds really have to be over the KITCHEN of all places. Next you need to do some serious potty training or else your house will drive people away, literally. start with your daughter. i mean she's nine. she can talk and reason with you here i mean, seriously wet wipes?i mean how far will THAT go? to college? what if she's boarding somewhere? you got to let her see that there are other kinds of toilet papers in the world. let her buy some with allowance and take it to school or something. as for your dog and cats, some re-training is in order. See if this helps:

http://www.dogtrainingbasics.com/Potty%20Training%20Basics.htm

http://perfectpaws.com/train.html

Keep Dixie quiet when she's doing her thing and dont let her get distracted. if you want, take her for a walk everday and keep her on a leash so she can focus.

I'm sorry to say this but Max really needs to be put down, no questions asked. i know your wife loves him to death, but Max has lived a nice long happy life and it's time for him to move on. Some people actually end up making their pet's lives miserable by refusing to put them to sleep and it doesn't look like he (and you) aren't having the time of your life. He's losing body fluids and constant diarreha and puking are very painful for him.

As for Ziggy, get him neutered. It should make him calmer. if you can't litter box train him then you'll have to take him outside like a dog. You might want to fence him in. Oh and when you kick him out he might see that as a reward for doing his little trick for you. There might not be to much you can do for Ziggy but be strong anyway.

Puss-puss also needs to learn to use a litterbox without the odors of cats past. When she goes, make sure the box is clean. When she uses it by herself praise her. if it doesn't work get her her own litter box. There are self cleaning litter boxes also if you want one. And if you need get rid of the birds or shut them and the hamster in another room with newspapers or something on the floor to catch the droppings. they aren't helping the situation, and get her a toy instead.

As for the hamster, take the wheel out and get him tubes to crawl through instead. excersize without the mess.

Make sure you clean your house every month at least (and i mean a really thourough cleaning).

And as for the wife, please let her know that a clean home is a happy home for everyone. good luck ;)

Answer 5

The only part I can help you with is the girl you dated who never dropped a load. Yes she did. She just didn't let you know it. I used to go to the gas station down the road when I slept over at my now husband's house. He actually asked me once why I never took a dump-he thought I was sick! As for the other, animal lovers are just that and I bet the animals will come first in a shootout. However, you could be in trouble if your home reaches filthy levels that the Humane Society gets involved. It's bad for yours and your animals's health to live in squaller. Better get everyone a bucket and some old rags and have Saturday "Fun Day" twice a month!

Answer 6

Goodness.

1. Scoop up the dog poop in the yard at least once every day. The dog can't track poop into the house if the yard is kept clean.
2. Scoop out the cat litter boxes every day. Clean them out completely every week or two. You probably need 2-3 litter boxes for 3 cats. If you're going out of town, your cat sitters need to clean out the litter boxes as well as feeding/watering.
3. The hamster's cage needs to be cleaned out weekly.
4. I don't know anything about birds, but it sounds like more frequent cage cleaning wouldn't hurt.

Answer 7

Whoa, this sounds like the small tip of the sh**berg! You need to have a family meeting and work out some of these issues constructively. That means don't get into a lot of finger pointing, name calling, etc. It sounds like you have a lot of issues and resentments towards your family and it's taking its form as a fecal rant. This won't get resolved unless all of you communicate better.

We have a lot of pets, too, and the entire family works together to make sure they are all clean, well fed, and happy. I know pets can be messy. Part of it may be that your family has too many animals in a small space. Also, birds and rodents are notoriously messy to keep. A fish tank might work out better for the family as long as the water is kept clean and healthy! At least the fish won't be taking a dump outside their aquarium.

Answer 8

In answer to your question, no I don't have that problem. We have a house full of animals too, but they are all extremely well behaved and tidy. And I worked damn long and hard to get them that way.

It is possible to be an animal lover and not live in a pig sty.

I'm sorry to say it, but this is your own fault, or did you forget that you're the man of the house and have a say in these matters? My husband and I are as equal as any two people can be in a marriage, but if he says to me, this is how it's going to be, then that's it. I respect him as the man of our house. For whatever reason, you don't have that and I suggest you work on getting it.

A man should not have to dread coming home. It should be a place of relaxation for you. Your wife needs to understand this. You, should spend a week in a hotel or something, so she can get the picture. This is not a funny situation and it seems to me like your wife and daughter think it is some big joke. It is not healthy for you or the animals to be living like this.

As for what you can do to help the situation, I would highly recommend having at least one litter box for each cat and spacing them throughout the house. It's sounding like at least one of them, is having difficulty getting to the box in time. Besides, cats will not use a dirty litter box, so keep up with the scooping or get a box that scoops for you.

My oldest cat, Nico had a serious problem with diarrhea for a long time, until I finally thought that he may need more fiber in his diet. He now gets a spoonful of canned pumpkin with every meal and hasn't had a runny poop since. This might help poor little Max as well, you never know.

I would get an animal trainer to your house (I mean, you can get one from Pet Smart and many other pet stores, plus your vet can probably refer you to one as well). Explain to them what's going on and work on how to fix it. You might not be able to fix everything, but enough should be able to be done to make your life enjoyable again. It sounds to me like your wife is getting all these animals before knowing how to properly care for them and an animal trainer will be able to help in this regard too.

This is an unacceptable situation that you're in and that's the bottom line. Even if you all haven't been sick yet, it's coming. Best to fix the situation before that happens.

Time to take back YOUR house.

Answer 9

I think this post had been better being posted in the relationships section. You need to speak to your family and make it clear, YOUR PETS, YOU CLEAN IT! Tell them ... and mean it... you and your pets suffer if the environment is not clean. No animal or person deserves that. Tell them, clean it regularly and daily at that... or more often as is needed or tell them you will take the animals away to the vet to have euthanased. Especially the one the vet said should have been years before. This is no way to keep a household, pets or a person. Sounded vile to me.

Hope you get some ship shape and bristol fashion cleaning done there soon for all your sakes.

Answer 10

You have a great knack with words, you should write a book. Bet you feel better getting it off your chest???You sound like you have a zoo! Only answer I have for you is to eat out a lot and to get professional cleaners to come in every once in a while. And then sit back and enjoy the entertainment.