She is only 6. She told me she prayed to God that there is no mom and that she is with her dad. She said this to me after I told her that she can't have a specific toy and that she needs to go to sleep. I told her to go to sleep in an authoritative voice. She told me afterwards that she is sorry. I take care of them and do everything to make sure of that they are healthy. I bring them out several times a week. I teach them and basically include them in my day to day life. I understand that she misses her dad but what she said is so mean. I explained to her that if she stayed with her dad then her dad won't be able to take care of her because he is always working. These are those days when I feel like my efforts amount to nothing. With regards to nurture vs. nature, nature wins. I love my child so much and I tailor my life around them. Please any advise?
2007-09-15 08:11:12 · 9 answers · asked by CatherineH 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You talk like you are a hired caretaker not a mother. Mothers have to have tough skins, kids will say anything they can to hurt your feelings when they don't get what they want. A 6 yr old can't possibly know the consequences of what she is saying. You are the grown up, you need to acknowledge her feelings "I know you are mad at me for making you go to bed, but its your bedtime." Don't take it so personally. Mine once called the police because I wouldn't let her play outside on a rainy day, kids do that sort of thing.
Your efforts aren't any different than any other mother, its your job. Just because your marriage failed doesn't mean your kids owe you anything. Kids owe you respect, but you have to grow that, a 6yr old isn't going to really get it. You can however tell her that when she is angry she needs to say that, not say things that hurt your feelings. You might want to point out that you have tender feelings just like she does and you take care not to hurt hers and she needs to take care to not hurt yours.
You need to express to your ex that the children still need him in their lives and do everything you can to accomadate that unless you have a reason not to, like he's an abuser, or a drunk. You will serve your kids better by keeping your problems with your ex out of their lives and while you don't have to cover for him, you need to show them how grown ups act and not talk badly about him. He will always be their father, don't confuse them about that.
Send the kids to dad's next weekend and take a good nap and a hot bath. You sound exhausted.
2007-09-15 08:35:17 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being a parent is not easy. Children will say awful things and not really mean them. They just want a response. All you can do is talk to her and let her know how things like that hurts, but I would wait till the next day after she got some sleep. We must love our children no matter what.
2007-09-15 08:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by rastus7742 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww at 5 my daughter got angry with me over some little thing. (her dad and i had just divorced) she told me she was going to runaway to her dad's. I took her by the hand , to her bed room packed her overnight bag , took her by the hand out to the front porch, sat her down and told her to stay right there.... i would even make the phone call for him to pick her up. about 20 minutes later she started saying oooo mommy I am sorry, please can I come in and eat, I am hungry. Kids will always try to use guilt to get their own way. She is 25 now and we laugh about that day.
2007-09-18 17:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by Laura F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm. well im 13 and my parents divorced when i was 5 i didnt have much of a choice but i always wanted to stay with my mom...just my dad seemed to be more occupied with work and his wife (my step mom). you just have to listen to your kid and find out why she only wants to be with her dad. i know you cant brake lose and be fun mom 24/7 but do fun stuff sometimes make time fro her. shes just a kid they all think toys are everything. she will grow up but in a week she will want a diffrent toy.
2007-09-15 08:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most states Limi can have a say where she wants to live, but Jack might not cause most have an age limit of 13 or 14. But even if she expresses where she wants to live, it will be up to the judge that handles the case.
2016-05-20 03:53:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The prayer she told you about probably means she is confused and hurt by the separation. You love your daughter very much, I can tell, and understanding she will definitely need. This will be a very difficult time for you, but it will surely be worse for her. It is important to be sure and tell her that though you and her Dad are separated, you both still love her very much.
2007-09-15 08:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes a child.. she dont know what shes saying and its impact on you or other.. does she see her daddy often. for a kid its like going to the fun house cause the daddys make it fun for them for 2 days and then they have to come back home and be good and have rules..thats all it is.. you could talk to him and make sure hes on same page as you with rules the work and dont..and never make the other sound bad to the child.. they love you both and they dont need to have to feel they have to choose between you guys.. good luck
2007-09-15 08:20:52 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she knows that it hurts you, she is using it to get waht she wants. my neices do this to my sister all the time since the divorce. She will grow out of it. She is trying to push your limits and see what she can get out of you. Just do what you are doing, you sound like a great mom.
2007-09-15 08:33:20 · answer #8 · answered by Ally... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She didn't get her way Mom !!! Stand up to her and stay consistent !!! She didn't mean it !!! She is testing you !!! You passed !!! Keep up the good work !!! All kids want to be with their Mom !!! I don't care what anybody says they do !!!! Good luck !!!!
2007-09-15 08:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Diana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋