SIL sent an e-mail already telling what to buy her kids for Christmas. It's September!!!! Where I come from you don't expect gifts from other people or gifts for your kids. I can't believe she had the nerve to send such an e-mail. Yes we buy for them but shouldn't be expected. I honestly don't know why we ever buy gifts for them. They only make an effort to see us when it involves their kids getting a gift. I feel like buying nothing for them this year.
2007-09-15 05:12:47 · 10 answers · asked by Violet 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My views on this are not very accepted. But I feel strongly that a gift should only be given when the giver wishes to give. That is a true expression of love. The retail merchants have sold us with ads that we are obligated to give gifts to anyone we come in contact with, even the person who delivers the mail. I give no gifts at Christmas but if you come to visit, I will probably try to give you something before you leave. It might be something I have cooked like a pie or something from the garden, some Cd's or DVDs that I no longer use, etc. If you try this, expect a ton of intimidation from those whom you formerly exchanged gifts. They will hound you for some time. I made the effort at age 12 and stuck with it because I found this senseless giving wasteful and phony.
2007-09-15 06:00:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I no longer give gifts to nieces and nephews. The same thing was happening to us. We only seen these kids at events involving gift giving. Eventually we had to look at the BIG picture. Our families would continue to grow through the years and there was no possible way to continue buying for each new child that entered into the family. Especially ones we hardly ever seen. We politely explained that we had decided for financial reasons we were going to cut the gift giving off because the family was going to continually grow and we could not afford to buy for every child. Yes, they probably were offended at first, but we didn't expect anything from them for our children and so that probably made them happy.
I'm sorry but I think it is wrong to bring your child up expecting gifts for everything. If they don't expect one they won't be let down if they don't get one. On the other hand they will be elated if they don't expect one and they get one!
2007-09-16 07:42:16 · answer #2 · answered by hlp4U1799 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like a lot of the answers, but for myself, unless you are close to the kids, I would decline the invitation to the function or give very inexpensive gifts such as a few dollars or candy-they're kids, they don't care. Expensive gifts should come from parents/grandparents.
2007-09-15 13:30:22 · answer #3 · answered by barbara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then, by all means, do not! Your sister in law has spoiled the joy of giving and tried to take the thrill of surprise out of the gift by sending a list! I agree with you. Her behavior, likely meant to be "helpful", only makes her and her children appear mercenary.
I have 13 nieces and nephews and buying anything means buying for all. After the preschool years, when I had gotten them clothes or sometimes toys, they began receiving giant size chocolate bars and a couple crisp one dollar bills in a card. ($5 gift: $1.50/card, $2 cash, $1.50 chocolate)
If I were you, I would reply to her Christmas list email:
"Glad to see you're so organized with the kids' wish lists. I hope you have a good time shopping!"
2007-09-15 13:24:54 · answer #4 · answered by Tseruyah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was going to say you could buy token gifts, or buy a gift for the whole family.
But that isn't your question. Your question is about a rude parent of your nieces and nephews.
Ignore all of her attempts to spend your money. (You could assume she was helping you out, as people don't always know what to get kids, if they have none themselves.)
If you're generally inclined to buy the kids presents, don't penalize them for their mother's lack of manners; it's not their fault.
If you're at all interested in having relationships with your nieces and nephews, there's nothing stopping you.
You could have each to your house for dinner; take them on outings; generally spend time with them.
2007-09-15 16:22:34 · answer #5 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christmas spirit is called for now. She has made it easy for you to choose gifts and you can get them before they sell out. You can go through your life without giving gifts if you want - I don't think I'd want to live like that.
2007-09-15 15:59:34 · answer #6 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean, then don't go to the function. I think it was rude to send the email, but out of common curtesy, in your best effort, you should give them a gift just because its your family.
2007-09-15 12:22:23 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest your next gifts include books on etiquette. There are fun children's versions and for the adults you can give them the Classic book:
Emily Post's Etiquette
2007-09-15 12:35:59 · answer #8 · answered by steinbeck11 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope I helped!
2014-06-20 10:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's a "nefrew" and who is SIL?
2007-09-15 12:22:48 · answer #10 · answered by OhKatie! 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋