Am I over reacting ( home made porn)?

Question

OK, to cut a long embarrasing story short, I sent an ex a video clip and pics of me masterbating, my face was NOT shown, just by genitals, anyhow i found out that he showed them to his work mates ( at work) I hit the roof and have complained to his employer and am thinking about complaining to the body that regulates his profession (if he is disiplined) because he has brought his profession into disrepute yada yada.
He thinks and another person think that i totally overeacted and that it was not a big deal as my face was not shown and he did not send them to anyone just showed.

I got very angry with him and left him lots of abusive texts, he then had the nerve to tell the police that i was harrrasing him, this was AFTER he told me he showed the pics.

I have contacted a solicitor who has issued an affadavit style document that demands he deletes the images or a court injuction might take place.
It has beem over 6 weeks and im still angry and furious.
am i overeacting?

Before i found out he showed them, i did ask him to delete them. He refused to be reasonable with me. that is why i had to get a solicitor involved that basically asks him to delete images etc.

I trusted him and he was the last person i would have thought to have shown those images, i made it clear when i sent them ( we were sending flirty text msgs) that they were for his eyes only and i stupidly thought that he would respect that. - i was also a bit drunk when i sent them. i asked him to delete them later on that night.

I am still so angry and humiliated. yes i have learnt the hard way, NOT to make videos/images.

but i still find it hard to forget about it, i want him punished.

yeah i should not have sent him abusive texts, but i was angry and in shock.

i want to destroy him and his career.

he also still had lots of other pics of me on his phone, (clothed) but in sexy poses such as dressed as a playboy bunny LOL! at the time i did really care as i was clothed, but he deleted all the nice once of me, and kept the sexy ones. so im pretty certain that he gave them a face to the pics :(

the last time we spoke it was pretty uncivil on both ends.

I spoke to my doctor and she thinks that the general medical council may issue him with a warning( as he showed the pics when he should have been working)

Answer 1

I hope you learned something.
You were an asshole, you harassed him. He did nothing illegal. I hate people that blame others for their stupid mistakes.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

I think that for you to want to punish someone else professionally because you made a dumb personal decision is horrible!! You assume a certain risk when you choose to share your private, intimate moments with anyone. And, you are harassing him with the abusive texts and legal action.

Try to remember that you gave the video and pics to him for his enjoyment. I suspect that he enjoyed showing them to his friends very much.

By the way, I do believe that it is unfortunate that he chose to show the video and pictures, but, truthfully, I do not know anyone who ever kept something like that solely to themselves. People ALWAYS need to show off.

Chalk this up to a lesson learned and move on. The more you press this issue, the more you are going to embarass yourself. Don't forget that as soon as you go to court, YOU will be putting a face to the pictures and if you think you local media won't pick up on the story, you are crazy. This is the kind of think that they would love to report.

HERE IS MY UPDATE: LET IT GO!! Karma is a b**ch! How would you like it if your ex sent the pics and video to YOUR boss. I have to wonder if your employer would be so keen to keep an employee on that had such poor judgement as you have displayed and continue to display. I promise that you won't feel any better if you hurt him professionally. If you go that far, your ex will find another way to get you back and this debacle will never be over. LET IT GO!

Answer 4

You sent someone a video of you, therefore they have the right to show it to whomever they desire unless you required them to sign a document stating they would not do that.

I don't blame you for being upset, but the act of sending a naughty video to someone was nothing short of foolish and you took the risk when you hit "send" that it could even have ended up being posted online for anyone and everyone to view.

NEVER take pics or videos of you, or allow them to be taken, unless you do not care who sees them. Otherwise, you're just taking a risk and being foolish because chances are they'll come back and bite you in the butt.

Abusive texts to the guy did nothing but make you look bad and kind of psycho. The incident should've been handled in a calm and civil manner once you realized sharing the video was a mistake.

Hope you've learned the lesson...and thankfully your face wasn't involved so embarrassment should be minimal.

Answer 5

It'll be difficult. Talk to a lawyer about this. There have been cases brought in regards to privacy laws (remember Jessica Cutler? She was an assistant on Capital Hill and posted a blog about 6 men she was sleeping with, indicating their identities by initials and posting graphic details about their private lives.) You can't claim a slanderous action because he's not spreading anything that's not true. And you can't claim a trespass because you GAVE him the video.

I don't know... it's technically "his" property now, since you gave it to him and I guess he can do with it what he wants. And, since your face isn't in it, it'll be hard for you to claim that it's defamatory.

I think you'll just end up causing more grief for yourself (as you have found, with his report to the police for harassment) if you keep pursuing this. And the more you piss him off, the more people he'll show it to.

Might have more success if you approach him with kindness (I mean, he was your ex, right? You must know how to deal with him.). Tell him it's causing you a lot of stress, and if he cares about you at ALL, to please return it, erase it, whatever.

(Yes, I'd be upset too, and I don't think you're overreacting, but I guess this is a lesson learned.)

Answer 6

You pretty much had to know this could happen when you sent the pics and video along. It's a chance you take. Calling any more attention to the issue by involving his employer, state agencies, whatever, would be the very last thing I would do. I would say you need to just chalk it up to a bad choice and move on. Like you said, it doesn't show your face, no one will even know it''s you if you don't say anything.

Answer 7

I hate to sound like I am piling on here. But you are over reacting. To begin with, why would you send this to an ex? Faceless or not, that doesn't matter. Was he wrong for showing them? Sure. Hind sight being 20-20, should you have sent them at all? Of course not. Good luck with all the legal stuff.

Answer 8

i think that since you say you sent the clip to an "ex" , you were being a little naive about what he was going to do with it

why would you send it to an "ex" ? if not to ....what ....tease him ?

you had no reason to get his employer involved since his employer should have no rights over what he shows his fellow workers as long as it isnt sent thru company emails or such then the employer did nothing wrong ans should not be involved

secondly .....you do have a right to be upset that the "ex" showed them to his friends, but again .......once you sent it to him it was his to do what he chooses to do as he is an "ex"

i understand that it is embarassing to say the least but i think the sooner you drop this whole thing the sooner you will be able to move on with your own life.......just chalk this up to one of lifes little mistakes and move on

and if anyone brings it up again .....just deny that it is you since you say that you cant see your face .....



B.

Answer 9

Yes and no.

First, you have every right to feel furious and betrayed. So in this you are not over-reacting. You feelings are valid.

Second, you have no right to become abusive to him. By doing so you are demonstrating that you never really deserved the respect that you are so angry not to have been given and are sinking to his level. Harassment is wrong, illegal and likely to get you in serious problems with the local law enforcement authorities even if it is a scumbag you are harassing. Two wrongs do not add up to a right.

Reporting him to his professional body may be counterproductive. To bring a complaint, your amateur cinematographics will only be brought to wider attention.

It is also unlikely that you would win a case. You may be able to claim breach of trust if you knew him in a professional context; otherwise it is unlikely that you will be able to prove that he had a professional responsibility to you. One can be a dreadful boyfriend but still an excellent surgeon, lawyer or architect. Such professions' governing bodies will only be interested if you prove a criminal offence which, seeing as he has been in contact with the police and they have not arrested him, it is unlikely that you could prove.

If he was your surgeon or lawyer, you may have a case irrespective of the distribution of images. Otherwise you won't.

If you are a member of a professional body and continue to send him unfriendly texts, you may find that this rouses him to complain to yours and a complaint of harassment may be taken forward by the body. Similarly a threat to his career may cause him to take similar action against you, even by publishing the tests you sent him, reducing your credibility.

Your attempt to gag him using the services of your solicitor may work - you will hold the copyright in these images and as such can prevent his distribution of them, but as you have given him a copy, you may not be able to demand their destruction. Pursuing cases in the courts can be expensive, costly and public and the images themselves would then be entered in evidence. This may actually be perverse in your case as you don't want anyone to know about them. Depending on the jurisdiction in which you find yourself, you may find that they are less secure than you way wish if placed before the judicial system. It as not unknown for such items to appear on a content-sharing website.

From your vocabulary, I suspect you may be in the UK. Te UK has no Right to Privacy per se, and courts are unlikely to stretch the Human Rights legislation this far - they are even reticent to defend the public against corporations who take images without permission, let alone an ex who was given an image.

What you should do is chalk this down to experience. Cry your eyes out for an evening, then pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on. If you don't want someone to see a picture of you, still or moving, don't give it to them. If you don't want them to show it to someone else, don't sent it to them. If you take the risk, make sure you tell them that it is for their eyes only.

Answer 10

yes.

the porn was sent without a restriction, he may do what he likes with it. nobody knew it was yours until you drew all this attention to your self.

i have made movies with girls i know. you see their faces. they have all threated me the removal of body parts if they every see them on the net. i would be wrong to show them to others.

he was not wrong because your face is not shown, and they were sent without a restriction.

besides, about 1 million techs in yours and his ISP saw them before he did.

now that you complained to the boss, he has seen them, because he has to decide if you are right.

if your boyfriend fights this, it goes to court and the court must see them.

for a person who does not want them shown, you are showing them to a lot of people.

if you want to keep control of your porn, it stays at your place. if you send it, or let it leave the house, you cant control it.

when women send me porn, i assume they like guys they dont know looking at it, so i show it off.

you cant walk down the street naked and only call the old guys perverts for staring.

Answer 11

Why in the world would you send an EX anything like that to begin with?
I think you waived your rights by purposely exposing yourself and then sending it to him.

Once you sent him that, your right to privacy was blown out of the water.
This would be totally different if he taped you unknowingly then was showing it to his co-workers.