What can I do to make my teenage daughter eat?

Question

What can I do to make my teenage daughter eat?
My teenage daughter is a Junior in HS and she stared a new school. She had to go to a new school for a fresh. year and a new one for soph. year. Anyway, she is super super very shy and hardly talks and when it is lunch, basically everyone goes to eat with their friends. She is always embarrassed to be seen eating alone, that she doesn't eat at all. She gets picked up by me at around 3 o'clock and then she is starving and normally we go out for food after that. I am afraid this could mess up her concentration or at least her metabolism. And no, she isn’t anorexic or anything either…but I mean, she never wants to been seen eating alone, and clubs are after school, and the library really wont let you eat inside…she doesn’t own a car or drive to school so she can’t even eat there….
Does anyone have any advice on what I can say/she can do? It would be very appreciated.
Sincerely-
Ana

Answer 1

Tell her to ask a teacher if she can eat in a classroom or teachers lounge.

Answer 2

Changing schools in middle or high school is SOOOO difficult to teens. If she is shy, it's that much harder, but will not kill her. I suggest making sure she has some breakfast, that will give her the calories she needs for her brain to function all day in class. If YOU need to get up to make her eat breakfast DO IT. If she hasn't made new friends and doesn't want to eat alone, leave her be. I know most adults will not go out to eat alone, and they are not teens. Many adults won't go see a movie alone either, but I don't understand it, but then I am not shy at all. When you pick her up after school, let her eat then if she wants.....or have a snack before supper. These are difficult years for kids and even worse for shy ones. It's not a great time to move unless there is not any other way to go. No kid dies from a move and some Military kids have to move every year or so and they don't crumble. Just be supportive and let her eat when she can and don't freak out because she is not eating lunch. MAKE her eat some kind of healthy breakfast so she has something to make her brain function well in class all day. Hopefully, soon she will make at least one friend and this will help to have one person to eat with. Try not to harp on her lunch decisions tho. Kids have horrible peer pressure these days. Feed her good foods at home. If it takes more work on your end....YOU ARE THE PARENT...that is YOUR job.

Answer 3

Have nutritious and attractive food ready and available to her first thing in the morning ( be sure she gets to bed early enough so she wakens early enough to eat it) and after school is good as you say you eat then. Have the fridge filled with good food too for later in the evening with caloric snacks. Dont talk about food or how much she has had to eat. Just let her talk and be with you. That is the best thing. She will make friends eventually and this will end but to make an issue of it with her could make it worse. High School is painful enough when you stay in the same school so I cant imagine transferring twice like she did. You are a good mom to pick her up at 3!! Stay close and all will be well.

Answer 4

One, your child has no mental problems, she just a little self consicious which is completely natural for a young girl. One thing you dont have to worry about, is at least she is not starving herself to be skinny. She is doing it for a natural and yeah can be emarassing reason, she knows its not the best thing its just overcoming that fear she feels about what other people are thinking. What you can do well, make sure she eats a good breakfast before school, as we all know it is the most important meal of the day. Number two stick a snack in her back pack that way if she does feel the need to eat she does not have to go to the cafeteria to do it, or stand in line all by herself. To ease your mind it is a temoprary thing once she makes some friends. It will be over. Don't push her to do something she finds real uncomfortable about. Some people have little things like that, that bother them its nothing serious. Your daughter will work her way through it.

Answer 5

If you are certain that your daughter does not have an eating disorder, then don't worry about it too much. If she eats breakfast and then eats after school, she'll be fine. She's still getting more to eat than many people in the world do. I'd be more concerned about her reasons why she is not eating than anything else. She's letting her fear of what others may think control her life. Your daughter's behavior sounds a little extreme, and you should get her some help. Start with the school's counselor, and they can recommend other courses of action if need be.

Answer 6

Try to convince her to join a club, or a sport team. That way she will make some friends, and have someone to sit with during lunch. I understand her problem though, no one wants to be seen sitting alone in lunch. She doesn't need consuling or a therapist. She just needs a friend. Give it a week, and if she hasn't made a friend yet. Maybe you can set something up with the school so that she can eat in one of her teacher's classroom. This is normal for a girl, so don't worry too much. But you are being a great mother for noticing this, but really all she needs is to join something afterschool, she'll make friends through that, and will gain some confidence. Just make sure that this problem doesn't escalate. =)

Answer 7

Maybe check with a doctor or dietician about this, but what about the popper/ cardboard box drinks like sustagen or that sort of thing that are like a meal? She could drink it quickly and it would give her some energy and nutrients. Also, what about some foods that she can eat quickly and discreetly, such as a handful of nuts, some dried fruit pieces, a couple of crackers and cheese, some chocolate etc. Also, being shy is not easy, but not trying to deal with it is not going to help in the next few years or in the long run. Maybe making some friends will also help her out, as well as allow her to eat a decent lunch. There could be other shy students like her, maybe they can be found in the library at lunchtime too, with growling stomachs. Good luck with it.

Answer 8

I wouldnt worry so much she will be fine. Be happy she wants to come home and eat. My daughter sometimes does the same thing. My daughter is a senior this year and she got a sophmore lunch period so she has no friends at lunch. So she decided to take an extra class. She is talking Mythology. She misses about 10 minutes of the class so she can go to the next class but because she is a good student she can handle it. Trust your daughter she will be fine. It is hard to sit alone. I had the same trouble many years back. My friends all had work study so I had no one to sit with. I ended up making friends with the asian kids. They are so smart and they stay out of trouble. So it worked out for me and my daughter I am sure it will work out for yours. Best of luck.

Answer 9

This would break my heart as a mother, too, Ana. :-(

Maybe your daughter could find another kid who is eating alone and offer to sit with them for lunch. She might make a new friend which is so important for her right now.

She could also ask to join a table where there is a kid from one of her classes. Being shy, this will be hard for her but would benefit her if she can get past the initial approach to anyone she might feel comfortable speaking with and joining.

She needs to try to make friends in any school she attends. There are other shy kids who feel the same way she does. If she makes the initial effort, it will be so worth it for her and counter any immediate pain of moving out of her shy comfort zone.

Poor doll. I feel her pain, too.

You are right that she needs to eat at lunchtime but this is her battle and she will have to force herself to grow and try to make friends. It's both a problem of shyness and nutrition.

Good luck!

Answer 10

she should find one person that she talks to sometimes at her school, and at lunch, ask to sit with her and her "group" at first it might be awkward, but at least she'll be sitting with other people even if ur not great friends. She could also find another shy girl and maybe they could eat lunch together. in the worst case scenario, she could take her lunch to a classroom or something and eat there, or she could join some lunch time clubs and eat during the meetings. good luck!

Answer 11

That's a tough one. It won't hurt her physically I don't think not to eat lunch but it does take away from the ability to concentrate well in school. In the short term, surely she could put something in her purse or backpack or whereever so that she at least eats something. It takes very little to kill an appetite, an apple or something simple like that that doesn't require sitting down with forks and spoons.