I've been together with my "boyfriend" of 1 year who is active duty Air Force. He's been in for 20 years. He has deployed 10 times all over the world. He deployed once again on Sept. 11th going to Iraq. How ironic is that? But, this is my first experience with military life and deployment. I feel like my whole world is crashing. He told me of his future deployment when we met and I thought that I was prepared for it. Don't misunderstand, I am very proud of him and I would never let him go. I love him with all my heart. I really need someone to talk to about this, but it seems that as a "girlfriend" not a spouse, I don't carry a lot of weight with most of the support groups. Is there anywhere out there for ME to lean?
2007-09-15 00:40:57 · 13 answers · asked by dee_dee508 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Thank you to everyone so far who has answered. I feel that it's necessary to explain, some of you say, get married. We aren't married right now b/c we have both been married, both have children from those marriages and are taking our time before jumping into it again. Just because we aren't married, it doesn't mean we aren't committed. In our eyes, it's just a piece of paper, a technicality. We love each other very much...we are best friends and we are very happy with each other. This isn't a case where I am the g/f during deployment. We aren't young and naive. We are 41 and 42 and have lived the first halves of our lives in miserable marriages. We are looking forward to the next half of our lives being together and marriage may or may not there for us. He told me that I am the only thing that keeps him grounded and I WILL be there for him...no matter what.
2007-09-15 09:31:52 · update #1
The military is a tough to have a relationship with. Signifigant others who are not married to their military member are really not recognized by the military in any formal way, so many of the groups supporting loved ones of deployed members wouldn't be accessible to you as they meet and operate from the bases. And military wives can be very territorial and protective of the things we get...mainly because there isn't really all that much the military does FOR us. Everything is centered on the military member...we can't initiate most paperwork, take care of most issues or even get a new ID card without our spouse or a power of attorney. Support for families varies widely by branch as well...Air Force tends to have more programs and are more family friendly, Navy and Army are in the middle with the Marines often having the worst reputation for taking care of thier members' families.
So what can you do? My bet is, if you live near the base you are not the only girlfriend with a deployed sweetie. Start your own group for girlfriends. I am sure you know other girlfriends through your boyfriend and his friends. Take out an ad in one of the local papers, set up an email address just for that and choose a date and a place to meet..like the local coffee shop or cafe. You can ask local churches to include the announcement in weekly newsletters and even send the information to the base family support center and have your boyfriend pass it along to other men and women he is deployed with who may be in the same situation. If there is one thing most military wives/husbands/signifigant others learn quickly...if the military doesn't offer it, make it happen on your own
2007-09-15 01:26:41 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Whether the unit's FRG (Family Readiness Group) works with girlfriends or not is up to the commander of the unit. Some do, some don't. Not to bash you for being a girlfriend but look at some of the guys who change girls every week and you start to understand why some groups don't want to even try to keep up with that. Add in the fact that once the guys deploy "girlfriends" sometimes come out of the woodwork asking for classified information.
That often makes being a long term girlfriend difficult. If your unit's FRG isn't allowing girlfriends to have any access to support you can try online forums. A lot of them are more open to girlfriends joining up as the membership is more open. You can search Yahoo Groups, MySpace or any site that you network on already to see if they have groups. They'll go as large as all military groups down to specific bases or units or ships. Military.com has some good boards. Here are two other big ones:
http://www.sgtmoms.com/home.asp...
http://www.cinchouse.com/
2007-09-15 09:51:23 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am gonna be honest and say that girlfriends matter somewhat. They should matter more cuz we were all once just girlfriends but sometimes because gf come and go we don't take them as serious. maybe we should. When I was just the gf the frg was nice and there for me, look into it. Sometimes family or friends are good but sometimes they don't really know what its like so they don't really help. You can email me if you like, I have been emailing and calling some of my hubby's friends gf's and putting myself out there for them. Its hard for all of us. But if you need to lean you can email me and we can go from there. Mine is " over there " also. I wish you the best. * tip* NEVER forget to email him and and NEVER miss a phone call, those things ARE that important.
2007-09-15 14:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by luvmyhubby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to depend on your family. If you know other women in his unit and are friendly with them, call them tosee if they will help. Also try the VFW, American Legion or other military support groups and maybe they can find someone for you to talk to. From a military standpoint as a GF you dont have any access to the support groups. Good luck
2007-09-15 08:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not really sweetie. You'll have to marry the guy to get any real sympathy or support from anyone...especially the other military wives. It's a very tight-knit group.
2007-09-15 07:49:01 · answer #5 · answered by M. Rod 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well its hard when your not married. I am an army wife. There are several myspace groups for military girlfriends even ones for older woman.
2007-09-15 21:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by krista f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things."
Philippians 4:6-7
Don't lose heart...my prayers are with you and your boyfriend.
2007-09-15 08:18:24 · answer #7 · answered by Wigwammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
id say your friends and family are your best bet.... but even that isnt very fulfilling, so ive been told. ive been to iraq 3 times, and while i was away it was really hard on my girlfriend. she often tried to "lean" on her friends and talk about it, but i guess her friends are pretty self absorbed and wernt very interested. but that was her situation, yours im sure differs. as for as groups and such, i dont know of any. maybe you could start one in your area
2007-09-15 07:49:54 · answer #8 · answered by James H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quote
"Is there anywhere out there for ME to lean?"
I suppose there are, but you should expect to be leaned on more.
As a Vietnam vet, my GF was my rock. She was the one stable thing that I could lean on. She is also now my wife of 43 years.
2007-09-15 09:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by tom l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His commitment is to the Service. The other people he works with are committed to the Service.
So unless you are committed enough to marry him and allow the Service to come first in all matters public and private, you are an outsider.
g-day!
2007-09-15 10:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kekionga 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋