my wife has breast cancer. i need help?

Question

i need to be strong for my wife and boys but i an falling to bits i have seen a doctor but he says it is just worry shourly thats soomting wrong

Answer 1

I am really sorry. Both my aunt and my mum has had breast cancer and both have had mastectomies, thankfully both were caught early enough. My mum had a MacMillan nurse look after her and they are also there to support the family. You're obviously going to be very worried but perhaps talking to a MacMillan nurse will help you come to terms with it and support you all through this tough time.

Answer 2

Lots of woman survive breast cancer because it is one of the cancers that has a lot of research and new drugs being developed all the time.
I had breast cancer, I had to have chemo and radiotherapy.That was 12 years ago.
I personally know of lots of other women who have also survived this awful experience.
There are so many new drugs now available that the outlook can be very good.
I found it very difficult to cope in the first year, I used to just cry all the time. My husband was a rock just by being there for me. He was with me through the operation, and the months of treatment afterwards. Just sitting with me and putting his arms around me was what I needed. It doesnt matter if you cry too. It can be a release.
You will find the strength to help your wife, simply because you have to be the strong one, especially as you have a family.
Your wife will have good days and bad days in the beginning, and talking to a Mcmillan nurse is good advise.
People often asked me how I got through it all, as they would have gone to pieces in the same circustances, but the answer is, you dont have a choice, so you get through each day at a time.
Your can do it for your family.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

you will find lots of help online, just google for cancer or breast cancer. Look for local support groups or ask about a mcmillan nurse, as other replies have said. You wife and boys need you to be strong and to make some of the decisions. Sometimes about keeping everything normal and being a family, but you will need practical help, how aboout friends or family?
You need financial help to know how to keep paying the bills and any loss of earnings. Talk to your bank or building society.
You need and can ask for emotional help, its not easy coping with this, but it will help you if you have people who have been thru this before.
Lots of women now survive with breast cancer, but it can still be a worry. you should have information, advice and support from the staff at the oncology unit. Your not alone and this is something that you can do which will help build your marriage and give your boys hope.
You have touched many people here with your question and I hope all our answers help in some way.

Answer 4

I have just survived breast cancer for the second time so your wife will be ok. Dont let your wife know how worried you are try and put on a brave face for her sake and your boys . Contact the mcmillan nurses they will give you all the support you need and change your doctor mine was fantastic. It is a long and stressfull time and takes about a year for surgery, chemotherpy and radiotherpy if she needs all three like i had . I am going back to work on Thursday so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. good luck

Answer 5

sweetie you have every right to be worried about your wife, but now days breast cancer is treatable, yes unfortunately it is going to be down to you to try and be strong for your wife, but share with your wife how scared you are for her tell her that you are with her all the way and there to support her, even if she looses her breast she is still the loving woman you married and the survival rate now days is high, if it has been caught in time then with treatment she should be in remission in no time, don't keep your feelings bottled up and if you can't tell your wife how worried you are then talk to a specialised cancer nurse, if in Britain then there are Macmillan nurses who are there not only for the patient but also for the families of the sufferer the best thing you can do is talk to someone and get the support you need then you will feel strong enough to help your wife. I wish your wife a speedy recovery and hope you feel at peace soon, best of luck to all your family.

Answer 6

Hello. i am sorry your wife is ill.but hopefully she should make a full recovery.breast cancer is now one of the most successfully treated .There are alot of support groups for patients and families . I have just looked at the goolge site and there look as if wherever you are in the uk there is a group not far away from you,i hope you will be able to get some help dealing with this from them.i wish your wife all the best and you and your boys too.A note of encouragement ....my mum had breast cancer .she had a.lumpectomy i think it was called ..then had 6 weeks of chemo. she lost her hair.(which has grown back) but she has just been given the all clear 2 months ago from the hospital and has been back lorry driving for almost three years she is 64 and had this done whan she was 57/58. i know your wife will be younger but please dont give up ,be strong for her ...ask for help.. dont just because your a man think you cant cry even if you do it in private .tell your wife how much you love her and let her know you are there for her.love and best wishes to all of you xx

Answer 7

Your doctor sounds like a bit of a twit, and I'd recommend you talking to another one! Sure, partners of cancer patients are "worried" - but clinical depression is also a big risk for carers and families, and that's a different kettle of fish to just "worry".

Antidepressant medication isn't the answer to everything, and you certainly need to talk through your feelings with a counsellor, but a good doctor might advise you to consider medication for a short time jsut to get you through this tough patch, so you can cope with everything you have to do. That's not "weakness", it's taking a practical approach. You can't get overly reliant on it though, because you do need to deal with all your feelings, not just suppress them indefinately.

Let's face it, the emotional turmoil is huge - one tends to swing from hope to despair, calm to panic, positivity to terrror, all in the space of a day. I'm sure you're also trying to keep a lot of your feelings bottled up so you don't dump them on your wife and kids, but the effort to keep your feelings hidden and be "strong" is also very exhausting!


I have a good idea what you might be going through as I am caring for my husband at the moment, and I know how the whole roller-coaster of emotions goes.

I don't know where you are from, but your country's "Cancer Society" will give you appropriate links to follow to get counselling help and advice (for example the American Cancer Society, or in Australia it's the Cancer Foundation). A lot of this help can be accessed by phone, which really helps when you don't have much time to spare. The people on the other end of the phone really do know what you're going through, and can offer a lot of practical suggestions. Even just a safe outlet to have a good cry or complain to is a great thing!

Best of luck, and remember, one of the best and strongest things you can do for your family, is to try and take good care of yourself. Hugs!

Answer 8

You are reacting normally to your wifes diagnosis. You must love her very much.
You should discuss with your wife her diagnosis and her best options for treatment.
Breast cancers come in 4 stages and different types of tumors and some of them are easily treatable and some require major surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.
Some tumors simply require removal and radiation.
Discuss her options with her oncologist and I always say seek a 2nd opinion before you do anything with a reputable Oncologist.
Sit down with the Oncologist and discuss the prognosis, find out what the survival rate is over 1 yr, 3 yrs, 5 yrs and on and on. Decide if the tumor is in a small area or if it has spread to nodes and how many.
Find out if she needs to have her entire breast removed or if a lumpectomy works out just as well.
Keep your head about you. I would only discuss this with your children in simple terms. There is no reason to worry them. You dont say how old they are, but if they are young, they probably dont understand what is going on.

Answer 9

You are really stressed and I don't think "falling apart" is so out of line. Sit down with your family and all of you support each other. Crying is okay. You are scared. It seems so overwhelming. See if other family and friends could help out with some tasks to cut down a little of the burden here. Also just talking about what is going on helps to some extent. The other thing is knowing what is going to happen in your wife's treatment and what do the doctors think is in her future. A positive outlook helps, but first it is okay to cry.

Answer 10

I dont know what i say here is of any help but my aunt had breast cancer over 20 years a go and was cured.Medication is so advance now that i think your wife will be alright,she will recover better knowing you have held it together and looked after yourself and boys..never let her see you get upset because she needs to know you are strong...good luck