For those that are pro choice or Atheist. Lets say a close friend of yours calls and tells you that after?

Question

trying to have a second child for two years, she is finally pregnant. A few months later she tells you that the doctors have told her that the child is going to be a girl, and that's just what they were hoping for. Some time after that, she calls and with quivering voice and tells you that the doctors have determined that the baby appears physically healthy BUT is going to be mentally challenged, autistic, and (for lack of a better word) retarded. She asks you for advice. She wonders if she should have an abortion. What do you tell her? Remember, she ASKED you for advise. Would you advise her to abort? Would you advise her to have the child but give her up for adoption or place her in a home for such as a child her ASAP? If you advised her to have the child, what would you say the first time you saw the child? Would you say something like "Isn't she sweet." or "She looks just like you." or, "She's just beautiful !" What would your advice be? What would you say? What would you do?

Answer 1

Wow - so many for aborting. (It isnt' a judgement, i was misled to believe that this wasn't the case)

If the child is to be born mentally deficient (or whatever the politically correct term is), physically deficient or affected negatively in anyway, I would still not advise abortion, and I will tell you why. (tell us why blinked)

Years ago, in the midst of the biggest pity party I had ever attended (they're pretty good ones too - you don't have to share anything because no one else wants to show up) I had met a man named Tom.

Tom has downs syndrome to the point where communication isnt' available in sign or words. He does however understand what is said to him, even if his actions often show otherwise.

The point however is that he is happy, and from what I saw, always happy.

In the midst of my self pity, he came by and uttered what could have been 'hi mike' with this huge smile.

It hit me that this man will never have the goals i have, the desires I have. He will likely never have kids, a (perspectively) respectible job, but he will always have this smile to impart.

I had never been so blessed before that point as I had been at that time.

I wept at my selfishness.

These people, with thier disabilities, difficulties and pains are as capable of being used by God as any one of us so called "whole people"

As i said - I am surprised there are so many who would choose to eliminate the inconvenience.

By Gods Grace, Toms mother did not, and I was blessed as a result. I also know that there were many others.

Abortion should be a choice, however my thoughts are that it is a selfish choice (whether it is a good selfish or bad isn't the point).

The point is not whether it has a soul in the first second or third trimester, but weather God has intended this thing to happen.

Answer 2

There's a difference between autism and developmentally disabled. I think they can tell the latter in the womb but not the former. At the point they can tell, it will mean a late term abortion. If you look at the rates of Downs Syndrome babies born, now that abortion is available and they can tell which babies will have this, far fewer babies with Downs are being born. That is, most people choose to have an abortion and try again. It's very sad, and it will trouble her, but I think it is the right thing to do. To have such a disabled child will be very hard on her marriage and on her relationship with her healthy first child. She should try again. It is sad, but it's better to have an abortion now than it is to struggle for decades and decades and have it affect not only her life, but the life of her older child for as long as both those children live. There are many people who have these children, of course, but it's very tough. In the meantime, if she isn't able to have a second child after this, there are many healthy children available for adoption, and it won't be as difficult on her husband and oldest child.

Answer 3

As a Christian woman who had an abortion in her teens, it's too late to undo the stupidity of my youth. A baby is growing at the moment of conception. If it's growing, it's alive. By the time you find out your period is 1 day late, your already 4 wks pregnant. The baby's heart beat is beating at 8 wks. old. I work w/ developmentally delayed people (retarded), autistic is NOT retarded as some people have been misinformed. Each life is precious. The God of the Christian Bible says, "I knew you in your mother's womb and before the foundations of the Earth." What kind of power is it to kill off a type of people because of a defect. It's like killing off all the blond hair blue eyed people. That's no better than Hitler who also killed off people that are less desirable by society. If that woman has an abortion, it will stay w/ her forever. The dates will always stay w/ her. My child would have been 13 years old today. I was selfish because it was inconvenient to be a teen mother. What right do we have to say who can live or die? When did we become God?

Answer 4

I would tell her to make her own decision. There is no-one qualified to decide this sort of thing for another person. Some people feel that they are equipped to handle bringing up a disabled child, and some people are not. Only they can answer, and I'd be supportive of my friend either way. I have had friends in this situtation, and each has made a different decision. I accept their judgements fully. The friend that now has a child with Down's Syndrome is very happy with their decision to keep their daughter, and I love her dearly. She is truly beautiful, inside and out. My two friends who chose to abort now have healthy, normal children and are also very happy. I['m happy for them too.

Answer 5

I would Take a deep Breath and then with a friendly concern say Darl, you and your husband have been trying for a time, this is your second chance to have a baby.
Even though this child may be of high need, the love and wonderment that this child will give you doesn't compare to much.
And your bub when placed on your tum at birth will give you the if not, one of the most joyous moments of your Life.
He/she is something you will never look back on!
And though this little one may never grow to their full potential mentally, the Love and joy you give this child will be given back double as she/he delights your heart and you learn your own language.

Answer 6

I would NEVER advise someone to have an abortion. Especially for those reasons. Yes, I'm pro-choice. That means I don't think it should be my desicion. I don't think it's right, I just think it's not my business.

Yes, I'm an atheist. But that doesn't mean I don't have respect for human life. I love life. We should enjoy every last second of it, cause its all we got. Just because a child is born with problems doesn't mean that he/she is less of a human being.

Answer 7

What does this have to do w/ pro choice or atheist? I'm sure a bunch of those gene altering yuppies are Christians . . . the ones that want to predetermine weight, eye/hair color, sex, etc? God would want them to make their children more attractive, right? Pffft.

PERSONALLY if it was my friend as i fit both categories, i would tell her to have it, being pro-choice doesn't mean kill it cause you aren't happy with what you got, it means terminate it because that is the last option you had available as close to conception as possible, IE carrying to term would get you kicked out of home, make you drop out of high school, would kill you due to medical reasons, or you were raped. Being retarded a) prolly wouldn't affect it's looks at birth all that much and b) who's gonna call any friend's newborn ugly, retarded or not?

Plus after a few months of pregnancy that would be considered induced still birth. RU486 works w/i a month and abortions aren't recommended after 3.

"Slow" people have gone on to win Olympics, invent things, be TV stars, if people are seriously aborting just because their kid is autistic, they are messed up. Unless the kid is so handicapped it would die soon after or be in pain, aborting would be not only unnecessary but selfish.

Answer 8

unless the child was going to have NO quality of life and have to rely on breathing apparatus and have no sense of the outside world, unable to wake from a living coma, why would that child need to be aborted?
i work with adults who are autistic, "retarded" is an awful and dated, ignorant word, so i shall educate you with the term 'learning difficulties/disabilities', with mental health issues etc.
and they all live full lives and have much to offer.

your view that they should be given away or terminated is ridiculous and childish. many parents manage very successfully, without prejudice, to being up a child with such 'problems'.

i see what you're trying to do,and it is a very naive attempt to provoke reactions from people who have the sense to know that sometimes, sadly, there are occasions where abortion IS necessary.

PLUS an abortion cannot be done after a certain period of time unless there are severe conditions, so please get your facts straight before attempting such a question, which you have done quite clumsily thus far.

let me add something i have written before and let me just put a few ideas to you.....

why it is necessary for women forced into this dreadful situation to be called murderers??
do you think all women who have had this operation have done so with a light heart and a smile on their face?
No They Have Not

yes, the decision to undergo this operation depends on the circumstances, and in the vast majority of cases, each women has a very valid reason.

and to the knee-jerk reactionists who spout such cr*p as "should have used a condom" etc -

1 - do you not realise that some women have been raped and do not wish to keep the seed of their abuser? for an example - a 12 year old girl who has been raped again by her uncle and has fallen pregnant by him?
2 - or a woman raped on her way home from work, with 3 children to look after and a husband to consider, as well as her mental welfare?

3 - have you not heard of conditions such as Turner's Syndrome, where the foetus becomes so deformed physically and mentally that it will either die in the womb or be still-born? causing dangerous infections to the mother and perhaps preventing her to be able to conceive again? this happened to my best friend; it was her first child, newly married [about a year], desperately happy.. then the devastating news, the numerous tests.. the final blow..

yet you think in all these cases, each woman should carry their child full-term?

really?

there are urban myths about women who use abortion as a form of contraception - i am sure there are very few women who have done this, but of course the propaganda machine creaks into action and the over-emotional tunnel-visioned folk come out the woodwork and dare to make women with genuine reasons [see above] feel guilty about having to undertake an operation that is physically, mentally and emotionally traumatic.

for those who oppose abortion, i say, grow up, spend some time in the real world, and walk a mile in that woman's footsteps before you dare to critisise or preach to her

i hope that everyone can be mature and grasp the understanding that some women have no choice.
so, should they be able to have this operation safely in a sanitised hospital, or will you force them into back alleys, with high risk of infection and death? hmm.... let me know.

i would offer any woman who was faced with this situation unconditional love and support, be non-judgemental and remind them they are not evil or careless.

i hope the anti-abortionists can grow up and feel that way too.

Answer 9

I would advise her that this is a decision to be made by her and her husband with their doctor's advice.
I am not going to get involved in offering an opinion in this except to point out that I understand it to be a difficult decision, and that I will not judge them on it.
If the situation is so bad that abortion is an option after trying for two years to concieve it is far beyond my ability to offer advice.

Hypothetical or not.

Answer 10

Whether or not a woman has an aborting is a very personal decision that only the woman can make.. I wouldn't advise her in either direction it is her decision to make I would help her weigh the pros and cons if she asked me to but the decision is hers..

No matter which choice she made I would support her in that choice.. If she aborted I would help her through as best I could, if she had it and placed it for adoption or into a care facility I would support her, if she had it and kept it I would oohhh and ahhh when appropriate as I do with all of my friends babies..

Pro-Choice doesn't mean Pro-Abortion.. Pro-Choice means supporting each woman's right to choose for herself which route is best for her...