I am a birthmom and I think adoption is wonderful IF done for the RIGHT reasons. But you hear so many people come through Answers and ridicule young women who are thinking about placing their unborn child ("You make it, you keep it." and "If you don't want the responsibility, get an abortion"). While I know there are agencies and lawyers who are unethical and co-erce expectant moms, fail to properly inform the expectant father, and lie to prospective adoptive parents, what of those who do everything right? What about those of us who KNEW we were in no way capable of caring for a child, no matter how much we loved them? What about those couples who could not have babies of their own and are overjoyed when the expectant mother picks them? No money is exchanged. Just lots of tears and hugs and happiness. My little girl is three months old. I just recently got a pic. I have never seen such a happy and healthy little girl. They love her as much as I love her.
2007-09-14 20:00:12 · 21 answers · asked by the Vampire Claudia 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Heaven L- What exactly does "A Child Called It" have to do with this? I have read the book. It was about a poor little boy who was horribly abused by his NATURAL mother. I am sorry you do not agree with adoption. But what would you prefer? The mother struggle with a child she cannot care for or handle and then eventually do something stupid? I was MARRIED to this baby's father and he is also the father of my four year old daughter. We split up, he took off, and I am struggling to support one child and there was no way I could emotionally handle an infant.
Don't be so quick to judge unless you've been in the shoes of those you crucify.
2007-09-14 20:20:16 · update #1
Yes, there needs to be better parenting resources for the natural fathers. There are a lot of women who lie about the baby's father in order to place without a fight from him. I wish my children's father hadn't been such a coward and skipped state. I still cannot believe I married the jerk. But the two best things that came from the marriage are the love and light of mine and the A-parents' lives!
2007-09-14 20:33:32 · update #2
I will never put down a birth mom! If it hadn't been for the unselfish act of wanting more for her child than she could give, I would not have my oldest son. She gave my husband and I the greatest gift ever...the gift of a child to love. I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 years when our dream came true via adoption.
I applaud you for not taking the easy way out...abortion. For having your child and giving joy and love to a childless couple and giving your little girl all the material things you could not provide.
From one adoptive mother to you, a birth mother...thank you!
2007-09-14 20:12:16 · answer #1 · answered by ilse72 7 · 6⤊ 7⤋
Some people just don’t agree with adoption. Of course people can not like it all they want, Adoption has been going on since the begging of time and will still be going on at the end of times. Heck our lord Jesus was basically adopted by Joseph. Humans are not the only ones who adopt all creatures do. I recently saw a news blurb of a dog that adopted 4 squirrel orphans.
There are some people who wouldn’t even be parents if not for adoption.
Adopted children are no more likely to be abused then natural children. Yes there are some adopted children that get abused, but there are children who are also abused by their birthparents.
It’s truly sad how some people who are
A. not adopted
B. never placed a child for adoption.
C. probably don’t know any adopted people.
Judge adoption. I could absolutely understand hostile towards something if you had or knew someone who had a bad experience. Flesh and blood is so overrated, providing genetic material does not make you someones Parent. There are people who shouldnt even be parents.
2007-09-16 22:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I personally believe that adoption can be a wonderful thing. Most domestic adoptions of newborns, however are not very ethical anymore. If the adoption happens the way you say it does, I am all for it.
I also am very pro-choice, because I think both adoption and abortion are very private matters, and only the people involved should have any say in the matter. Until you have lived someone's life, well you can't make their decisions for them.
I do think that sometimes first mothers are coerced into placing their babies by agencies and even adoptive parents, and that is NOT right.
We are planning on adopting to build our family (internationally, and only legal true orphans) and if we went the domestic route, I would NEVER want to take a baby away from a mother who was not 100% sure that adoption was the right choice for her and her child, because otherwise...I would feel greedy, and feel kind of shady, unethical. Who is to say that I would make a better parent then the first mother? I wouldn't want to make that judgement call.
2007-09-15 03:16:57 · answer #3 · answered by Morgaine 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
One word...ignorance.
The people that come here to chastise, ridicule, and degrade often "arm" themselves with information from the one negative article that they have plucked out of the thousands of positive articles.
The people that say that it costs more to adopt a caucasian child "because they are worth more" based on an article that says that a certain agency has higher fees for caucasian children. They fail to mention that the same agency is apparently focused on adoptions of African American children. It serves their purpose to promote the adoption of African American children.
Others say that the reason a birth mom places a child for adoption is because she doesn't want the child becuase the child will be "in the way of their plans". The plans that are often cited are college, career, and partying. In fact, many birth moms would keep the child if they felt that they could provide a safe and stable home for the child. Many birth moms go on to keep children that they have later in life, when they can provide these things. College and career are sometimes factors in the realization that they can't currently provide these things, but it isn't because they want to go to college or have a career more than have a child.
Another argument is that the adoptive parents are "buying a baby". The simple fact is that this is not true. Buying babies is illegal, unethical, and not any part of a loving decision.
2007-09-17 00:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think that you answered your own question, adoption gives a loving home to a child IF it is done for the right reasons and IF the parents are honest with the child about their adoption and IF the adoptive parents respect that the child has another set of parents.
I think that people develop negative views about adoption when those IFs are violated. It is very common for women to be coerced into "choosing" adoption, it is very common for parents (both birth parents and adoptive parents) to not openly discuss adoption with the child, and it is very common for adoptive parents to be in denial about the fact that their adoptee has a first family. All are damaging to the adoptee.
You sound like a wonderful mother who is very proud of her decision and who is very proud of her little girl. I don't see how anyone could have a negative view of you!
2007-09-16 14:27:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You will see opinions on both sides on here...actually on all sides. You will have some that are all for abortion and see no reason for adoptions then you will find those that will say abortion is murder and go for adoption, then you have the ones that think it is wrong to kill or give away your baby, then you have some that are all confused on their views and not sure how they really feel.
Me I think Adoption is great. Some woman simply can't get pregnant or don't want to for whatever reason so woman that can't raise their babies have them as a gift for woman who can't have them. And now with adoption so popular with homsexuals it is really great because they can still be a family with kids. Then you have single guys that want kids but don't want a wife (yes it does happen lol) so they can adopt.
You did what was right for you. You gave your baby the best life you could and you did something very selfless by doing that. You seen that you couldn't give her the life she would need and so you wanted better for her. That really is being a mother, doing what is best for your child. And with the way you did it you also get to know your little girl is ok which is great and someday she will know you too and know you loved her enough to give her a wonderful home and you only wanted what you felt was best for her.
2007-09-14 20:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 2⤊ 4⤋
I don't know why I was adopted by wonderful people.I thank god daily for giving me the parents i have. My biological mother was 15 and could no way raise me. I think you are responsible and unselfish knowing she would be better off and loved being raised by someone who is in better position to raise her.
2007-09-18 03:27:46 · answer #7 · answered by paye 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
properly placed. Adoption is purely oh so complicated for anyone in contact and that's emotionally charged. maximum persons in this website are actually not "black" and "white. " they're passionate. human beings from each and every attitude experience pushed aside, i think of, whilst they experience somebody is making an attempt to talk for them, or whilst somebody makes huge generalizations approximately comprehensive communities. whilst human beings experience pushed aside they frequently attack and this comes in the time of as "black and white." it style of sounds like human beings have been fairly attempting of previous through "understand" distinctive viewpoints. yet there'll continuously be people who're purely bored and stir issues up by deleating questions (kumbaya?) and asking loaded questions. standard, however, there have been some fairly exciting questions and solutions of previous due.
2016-10-04 14:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
People do not adopt just to meet a need in the child but to meet needs of their own. This is a very delicate balance that needs support and careful handling.
While adoption can be wonderful for both child and new parents, it can be very hurtful both ways if things go sour. I've come across a number of adoptive parents who were fine with the cute little baby stage, but totally out of their depth with the difficult teenage years. For children whose adoptive parents also give up on them, its a double rejection whammy that can be very difficult to recover from.
We have campaigns that point out that "a puppy is not just for Christmas - it's for life" that discourage impulsive cute puppy purchasing, we need to be far more vigorous in pointing out the pitfalls and responsibilities where adoption is concerned.
Good wishes.
2007-09-14 20:26:48 · answer #9 · answered by pilgrimspadre 4 · 9⤊ 2⤋
I can't believe it if anybody has had any negative views on adoption. I think it is beautiful. It is a wonderful gift to deserving families... not to mention a beautiful gift of life to a little child. I deplore the fact that people might choose killing their baby over letting him/her live a full and wonderful life. God bless you for being a birthmom!!! If anybody has said anything negative to you, then they are simply ignorant!
2007-09-16 19:40:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
WELL I AGREE 200% with you dear this is a huge crazy world and i believe you have made a supreme decision i congratualate you upon being so senable GOD BLESS YOU ~~~the child you gave up for adoption is very happy -loved and yes you are rite again being extremely well cared for! if IF ONLY MORE FELT AS YOU AND JUST DIDNT walk to the nearest pharmacy for the morning after pill and worse yet a abortion omg let anyone see the you tube abortion will scrunch its sad so sad seems many today have more respect for animal life then human at times? any how i am a mom of 3 i choose to marry young been married nearly 30 yrs had our ups n downs and not everyone ever has a marriage made in heaven~seems you have had your share and more on your plate i am sorry but yes you are one smart young lady and i know so many whom have adopted and they will hold you highly forever in the palm of there hands and hearts!!!!!!!thank you !!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-15 12:59:29 · answer #11 · answered by ladysosureone 6 · 1⤊ 6⤋