How common is it...?

Question

...for military wives and children to live far away from their husbands while they are serving? That is to say, is it uncommon for a wife and child to stay in Colorado while her husband serves in North Carolina, and potentially overseas?

Is this sort of separation frowned upon or otherwise considered nonsupporting? Is the wife ever judged harshly for not "being with her man"?

Answer 1

It's not uncommon...

Especially near the end of tour if the wife wants to get settled into a new place and get adjusted before the end of service.

Who is to judge her? Each family has to do what works for them.





g-day!

Answer 2

If it was Iraq yes but this is obviously not your case. Otherwise as others have said there are variables. If it is a move for training well it is often best for the family to stay where they are as having them about can take away focus. plus you could then be sent elsewhere. If is TDY or something.... the same. Many variables.

Otherwise it is not common at all. Sometimes the wife will stay behind until the school year is over. But often the arguement is made that the kids like their school, she likes her job or she does not want to leave family or friends. Well YOU are her family so this does not fly.

She can get a new job. The military has schools. New friends are to be made and family will always be there. This whole appart thing does not last regardless as a marriage takes work. The kids should be around their Dad. To show or do otherwise shows immaturity and a lack of commitment. Other people who have been in a bit will recognize this and other things. She either sees the big picture or does not.

Here is the main thing that none have mentioned. People will ask about your wife and they will feel sorry for you and judge her but not to your face. This can actually impede your career. If your wife is about you will be invited to social things and rub elbows with other couples.... this matters much. Even if invited it people will wonder about YOU or feel somewhat uncomfortable. The wives will think "poor thing" as they get being military wives and you are not so lucky to have one. The supposition will be frankly again..... she is immature and odds are you will run across these people throughout your career.

Answer 3

Yes this happens and for several reasons, Some people are planning for there retirement from the service and they have a house in another state and do not want to give that up or move there family for a short tour. The wife does not want to go where the husbandd wants or the husban does not want the wife around. Is it sad not really the people who make these choices do it with a clear mind its no different than if some has a family and works exclusively on the road or out of town, At least the military pays the person for being separated its not a lot but its something. I am a ret Navy man I have NO regrets I have also worked jobs now that I have been out for awhile where I was always on the road and did not get paid for the separation so its all on how you feel about the matter. As far as being talked about look people will talk about you no matter what you do so it basicly no ones bus. but the people involed.

Answer 4

Well, it is pretty common for the wife and kids to stay back in the US while their soldier serves a 1yr hardship duty in Korea. Other hardship duties include Honduras and Egypt, just to name a few, that dependents are not allowed to accompany the soldier. Obviously they're not allowed to accompany the soldier while serving in the middle east.

It definitely not as common, but you still do see married soldiers, living without their families while state side. Its usually work related though, like a wife has to be in a certain area for a job or school, etc. Dual military families usually get stationed together, but that's not always the case. When a soldier gets a temporary duty assignment for a school, or training, the wife and kids will usually stay at home. Like flight school for example, its about 18 months long, and some of the married guys brought their families, some of them didn't.
No its not founded upon, nor is the wife judged at all, but in these circumstances, it is common for problems to arise, infidelity and such, however that's really based upon how strong your marriage is.

Answer 5

It's not common at all.

Most wives live on the post their husband is stationed at.

Now depending on why the husband is overseas and where, will depend if the wive goes to.

Of course, on deployments, the wife would never go.

On a PCS permanent change of station move, it depends on where the move is to.

Not all overseas military bases allow families.

Not all overseas military bases have adequate housing.

So there are lots of reasons a military spouse, might not be living at the same duty station her husband is at.

In your example,

Lets say the husband got orders from Colorado to North Carolina , and knows he is going to deploy 2 months after he gets to North Carolina.

It makes alot of sense for the wife to stay in colorado, especially if she already lived off post.

Thats where her friends are at, she has a support network already in place.

There are just to many variables, to make any judgements from what limited information you provided in your question.

Answer 6

I think it can be pretty common when soldiers are deployed. If someone is serving somewhere for a short amount of time they may go with out their family but I think many times the family moves too. This is why military brats can live in a million places.

It isn't considered unsupportive when someone is deployed, obviously the family can't accompany. I think army wives and military spouses try to support each other as much as possible.

Answer 7

Part of that equation is availability of housing, length of assignment (TDY) ect...
There's an old saying in the military: If they wanted you to have a spouse they would have issued you one. I come from a military family and my father was gone TDY a lot of times, and we just accepted that as part of the military family and the sacrifice we made not only for him, but for the security of our nation also. Separation is not frowned upon or considered nonsupporting unless that military member turns their back on their family, then they start raising eyebrows. My mother was never judged because my father was gone TDY...it's just a part of the military. Just don't stop supporting your spouse because you miss them, as that really wears on them and their performance of their duties. If you married the military man/woman, you married into the military. God Bless, and we're all praying for you.

Answer 8

it can be very hard on all of the family, the man as he is in theory married but living life as a single man........TRULY am not judging here at all, but would weigh all options very carefully have seen more than one marriage fail under this type of pressure.

Is there any special reason as to why the wife will not travel and live in the new duty station?

With that above said, it can and DOES work for some, but both sides must work extra hard at it, oh and the odd surprise visit is not a bad thing either............

regards and live your lives for your selves NOT on what others might or might not think about you.

Answer 9

I have to say this is a very sad case. To be separated from their love ones. In a way, it is proud to serve his country. But he has to leave his family & serve his duty overseas. However, this is common for military personnels' family members to be far away from husbands or fathers.

Answer 10

It's not uncommon durring deployments for the wife to go home to her family rather than stay near the base. While he is based stateside and your far away is uncommon, but not unheard of. We call it being a geographical Bachelor.

I've done it before with very good reasons, but I sure didn't enjoy the additinal stress of not being with my family.