Can I trust my youth pastor?

Question

i emailed him and asked him a question about when something was. and then he emailed back and asked how I was doing. and so I told him that I really wasn't doing all that great. so he was asking me what was going on and I told him that I was just really stressed out. and so we've been talking about that.

The thing is, he and my parents are very close. I don't want my parents to know that I'm stressed out cause they have enough to worry about as it is. Do you think I can trust my youth pastor not to discuss me being stressed out with my parents. even if he's just having a casual conversation with them and it comes up?

Answer 1

If I were you, I would ask him in your next email to him to keep things confidential. He may or may not have taken that as a given.

Answer 2

I'm not entirely sure, but I would give you a cautious "yes". You are not protected under the seal of the confessional or under doctor-patient privacy as you would be in discussing matters with a counselor, but he sounds like a good guy.

He probably won't say anything unless it comes up, and even then he will probably try to keep things private, unless of course he feels that you are in danger or putting someone else in danger.

Just to be on the safe side, though, don't tell him anything that you absolutely can't handle your parents knowing, because he might slip up. Most times people are really great with this sort of thing, but occasionally there can be problems.

One of my best friends, for example, was seriously sexually abused by a family member, and she turned to her youth minister for counsel because the abuse had really shattered her faith. Now my friend is doing much better, but recently the youth minister told the diocesan magazine about her tale (anonymously) because she thought it would be a good inspirational tale. My friend was completely devastated, even though the youth minister meant well. So, just be careful.

Answer 3

Firstly, it is your parents joy to worry about you. Hiding your true feelings from them is not going to work. You know, they were your age too you know. How do you think they got to be parents..

Secondly, a real pastor is a married man with faithful, baptized, obedient children. Born again christians who believe, and were fully immersed in the waters of baptism.

Talk to your parents.

Do not make everything the end of the world, your feelings and stresses are common to all of us, no matter what they are. Do not be so dramatic.

Pray, read the Gospel of John chapters 1 - 3.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

I think you should tell him of your concerns and let him know you don't want your parents involved in any way. However if the matter is truly serious enough (ie. suicide, drugs, alcohol, rape) I as a parent would also want my child to come to me. Parents love their children (most I should say) and the fact that they have raised you to go to church is good indication that they do. I'm sure they will have no problems taking time out of their day to talk to you.
However I would tell you pastor your thoughts and feelings concerning your recent conversations and let him know you don't want your parents involved. He will then give you his answer I would assume.

Answer 5

Psalm 118:4 Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever." 5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. 6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies. 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.

Trust God. If God holds you up, even though all fall away from you, you still stand. You can trust God for He is worthy and trust worthy cause He cares for you.

Now having said that, do seek Godly advice from Godly people. That includes your pastor, then search the Bible to confirm if it's true. The pastor may or may not talk to your parents even if you ask him to keep it quiet; mostly cause he wants your parents and you to deal with it together as a family.
More than your pastor though, talk to your parents cause they have authority over you. And although you may not like what they want from you, know that they've been there and done most of the mistakes already, and they don't want you to go through the same mistakes they suffered. It's like they have gone back to the future and telling you the steps to take cause they know what's going to happen cause really they've been on the same road. You and your parents have the same blood, and they probably dealed with the same types of problems you are going through. And yes, most parents don't know how to talk to their kids and win their heart. So exercise grace and charity and give them your heart. They already gave theirs to you.

Answer 6

dancer: The youth pastor, in spite of being a close friend of your parents, needs to place a guard on his lips. Once trust is violated - it is very hard to renew. Tell him, that you trust that he will keep your chat confidential - if he doesn't, you will obviously not be confiding in him any more - will you ?

Answer 7

I don't know. You need to buck up, suck up and just ask him about his confidentiality. You must get up the nerve to cover this... and make sure he will adhere to whatever confidentiality is required of him. Does he have limits? What are they? What about other kids? What kind of things does he feel he needs to go to a youth's parents about? Use wisdom, and pray about the truth too. Have faith in your gut feelings, and in the answer to your prayers too.

Answer 8

Maybe if you tell him in advance you want the conversation kept confidential and explain why you don't want your parents to know you might be able to trust him.

Answer 9

I agree w/Brian,he does have an invested in you & your parents.

But my daughter trusted her youth pastor, & it workd out well, She may've just asked him & his wife to keep things confidential, or they were just not "talkers". ya know.

What are you so stressed about? do your parents Need to actually know?

I wish i knew, before my daughter took it into her own hands &ran off, & married this guy who turned out to be a druggie, i wish i knew........................

Answer 10

Pastor's are not "psychologists, especially "youth" pastors. If I were you, if you are stressed out as you say, I would seek the counsel of your school's councilors. Take it from me, religion is no place to resolve mental health issues of any kind

Answer 11

Just tell him you want what you say to him to remain private until you feel it is the proper time to tell your parents....

I am being baptized Tuesday and I asked all my mom's friends(who knew) to keep it a secret until I could tell her. It was hard, but I finally just blurted it out and it was no big deal...