Fiance wants me to break celibacy vow?

Question

I made a celibacy vow years ago, and now my fiance wants me to break it. I told him that my vow was a promise to God, and that it was that I would abstain from sex until I was married.. My fiance argues that we will be getting married, so it shouldn't matter.. How can I tell him no without hurting him?

Answer 1

You said:
" How can I tell him no without hurting him?"

Honestly, this is not about feelings/emotions. You made a vow. Explain to him that your vows matter to you and your relationship with God is greater than any human relationship. Choose to keep your vow to God. Your fiance will have no choice but to respect you.
If you break your vow with God, then he will have every reason to believe taht you will break your vow with him once you are married.

Keep your Vows - ALL of them. First and foremost, keep your vows to God.
God honors those who honor Him.

Answer 2

I don't know what beliefs your fiance has but whom would you rather hurt your fiance or God?When you made your vow did you mean to stick to it? Your fiances argument is a lame one and his unhumble opinion, ask him if you get married that means a vow to each other right? So is his vow going to mean what he expects your vow to God to mean right now? Also ask him would he want you to break your vow to him because you were going to break up with him maybe eventually? It does matter! A vow to God is a very serious matter, just like a marriage vow is a very serious mattereven although many people today make their vows but do not keep them does not mean that it does not matter it matters a lot!This is your relationship with God that he is trying to put on the line here does he have a relationship with God?It does not sound like he puts much value on relationships, do you really want to marry someone like that?

Answer 3

You REALLY need to think about this realtionship. Do you really want to make a lifelong vow to someone who obviously believes it's okay to BREAK vows? I have been in your position, a guy pressuring me and pressuring me, and I didn't give in and the relationship took it's natural course and ended. I am SO glad that I did not give into his pressure. Stay true to yourself, stay true to your word and most importantly, stay true to God. This fiance of yours needs to do some serious explaining. Being engaged is NOT the same as being married. You aren't husband and wife until you stand before God and say those sacred vows. Your fiance may not see the difference, but God does.

Answer 4

I commend you on your morals...it's rare today and very refreshing. No one is going to shrivel up and die without sex. Ask him to respect your decision of celibacy. This is obviously very important to you and he should realize that. What if you did have sex with him and a month or two down the road the engagement is off. I'm not saying that would happen but it could. It's a promise you made to yourself and God and should be respected. I'm sure he can figure out how to solve his problem without cheating and honor your wished at the same time. (I'm sure we can all figure that one out)

Answer 5

This is nothing more than lust, and lust itself is a sin. If your fiance is a True Believer, there should be no problem. So the first thing you must do is convert him to True Belief, bring him into the Holy Spirit. You can do this by prayer and perseverance. Do not give into any persons lust for you, lust is not love, love is patient, forgiving, caring, long-lasting, not puffed up but ready to please your wishes, love would never ask you to go against God's will, or your promise to God.

God be with you,
Evangelist, William M. Butler
Grace Evangelistic Ministry

Answer 6

Sounds a bit to me like he cares more about having sex then he does about your beliefs. Though I could be wrong. If it matters to you then it should matter to him and if he really cares he should be willing to wait. Of course he may also be simply expressing his desire to have sex and yet fully intends to wait until marriage with you if that is what you wish. Just sit down and talk to him about it. Explain how important this is to you and how much it means to you that you fulfill this promise. Also make sure you explain that you do love him and that this decision has nothing to do with him, that you made it a long time ago and ask that he respect your wishes. Either he'll understand and heed your wish or he won't in which case he probably wasn't right for you in the first place. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

I believe you already told him no and if he's hurt too bad! He's not considering your feelings. He's showing no respect for your beliefs. He's showing he's selfish and impatient. Maybe there is a really good reason for you to keep your promise to God, like finding out if this man is worth marrying. I'd explain it to him again and ask him if he respects you and loves you enough to wait. If he pressures you after that, I'd leave him but that's a decision you have to make. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

Well, you may *have* to hurt his feelings. If he loves you, he needs to respect this decision that you've made for yourself. Waiting a few weeks or months until you're married isn't going to kill him.

And if he can't respect your boundaries now, imagine what married life could be like. Perhaps it's a good thing that this is coming out now ...

Answer 9

If you made the vow, your fiance should be pleased that you are honorable enough to keep it, in my opinion. Stick to your guns. If he can't wait for this, what kind of trouble will he be later on when you have to wait for other important things?

Answer 10

She is obviouosly not the woman for you if this stuff bothers you and it would be VERY wrong of you to try to stop her from living her life once the 2 of you married. I personally see nothing wrong with what she wants. I like to travel alone or with my friends/family and often visit my family alone. I do not need my boyfriend with me on these travels. We are not compatible travelers, He's a lounge by the beach sipping martini's vacationer. I'm a heading to the forests to see the Mayan Ruins Vacationer. He would not be fun for me to travel with and I would never allow him to hold me back from traveling. You are allowed to be offened and upset about it, but you need to talk to her to see why she does not want you traveling with her. Maybe there is a legit reason.