(my mother-in-law) while I am at work. However, she doesn't listen to anything I ask her. For example, if my daughter spends the night with her I ask that she let her sleep in the pack-and-play, which doubles as a baby bed, but my mother in law puts her in bed with her. This has happened several times so I don't ask her to keep her over night anymore. SO, tonight my mom in law took her to an indoor auction that is notorious for being full of cigarett smoke!!!! I am so upset and am considering not letting her keep my baby anymore. She has raised 4 kids, but i just don't think it's fair for her to ignore my parenting and do it her way. what do you think... am i overreacting?
2007-09-14 16:54:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You're not overreacting at all!
Can you talk this over with your husband? Maybe the two of you could come up with the most effective way to approach her. She obviously doesn't care what you have to say, and maybe you'll have to tell her flat out, that if she's not going to respect your thoughts and feelings on raising YOUR child then you won't be leaving your child with her anymore. Just be prepared to have to start paying for childcare services :)
I would think that threatening her, and following through, might open her eyes. And hopefully she'll respect you more in the end of it.
You're NOT over reacting, and don't let anyone tell you you are. I would be furious!
Good Luck!
-Mariah
2007-09-14 17:04:44 · answer #1 · answered by Mariah Mae 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is really hard. You want the best for your child & I know you'd prefer her staying with family, but you're not over reacting when she's not listening to what you want when it comes to your child. Would it help if you told her that you will have to make other arrangements if she continues to ignore your wishes? It's a hard choice but you have to be comfortable knowing that whoever is with your daughter will take the best care of her. Hopefully she'll see it your way & keep her away from things like smoke filled places. At least you know she loves her & will do what she thinks is best for her. You just have to convince her that the way she raised kids "back then" isn't the way it's done today. I hope she will see things your way & that your daughter will be able to stay with her. Hang in there. Be persistant & hopefully she will listen.
2007-09-15 00:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by S J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to answer this because you are grateful for having your mother in law to look after your daughter on the other hand you'd like her to follow your rules for raising her. I'd sit her down and first thank her for all of her help but then explain your needs in detail or perhaps in writing. Perhaps little reminder cards can be left in with your baby's stuff that you leave with her and grandma. Hang in there.
2007-09-15 17:54:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your babies caretaker is not doing as you ask then you are not fortunate imho. A 4 month old shouldn't stay overnight with anyone else anyway, can you really bear to be away from her that long?
It doesn't sound like your mother in law wants to be raising another child. Maybe find someone else who does want to. Your mother in law wants her own life now I am sure.
If she is practically raising your newborn it is her parenting, not yours. You parenting would mean you're watching her.
You have 2 choices:
1. Find a proper caregiver who doesn't smoke, take her to places for her enjoyment etc
2. Stay with your daughter. You will never find someone you feel is doing a 100% great job. Better you know that now.
2007-09-15 00:07:42 · answer #4 · answered by paperpenandtea 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No. I dont think you are at all. Your husband (since it is his mother) needs to tell her that she needs to respect your wishes as parents and to please not throw the stuff off her shoulder as being "just a grandmother" and she thinks she can do whatever she wants. WRONG...
I have a MIL that's the same way and my husband set her straight on that, though sometimes with little things she still says "that's what grandma is for" and it annoys me SO much!
It's so rude like, who does that? If someone asked you to do specific things when watching their child, you would. She should give you the same respect or you can get a daycare to do that for you.
The reason I say your husband needs to is if he does it for you, it will be less damaging to your relationship, but also, please make it clear to her again yourself that this is the way you would like it done and then your husband can do the rude talking :) By the way, I have a problem with confrontation but when it comes to my kids, I say what goes and nobody's feelings or what they think of me gets in the way of that.
Hope this helps!
2007-09-15 00:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by lizzabif05 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, its your child and you have the right to ask your mother in law not to do certain things. It may be time to find a good daycare that takes infants and take her there. Or, you and your husband should sit down with mom and explain that there are certain things you don't want done with your daughter and if mom reacts badly, then tell her that you have no choice but to take her granddaughter to day care. Grandmas do have a tendency to be stubborn and since they raised their children, they think they know it all. Well, they are right to a certain extent.
2007-09-15 00:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not overreacting, you may have to find some one else to watch your daughter, if you have to keep working. When she ask why simply explain that you have asked her several times to do things a certain way and this is your daughter and her refusing to respect her wishes gets her fired as baby sitter, but she can still see your daughter as grandmother.
2007-09-15 07:01:35 · answer #7 · answered by his wife 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not overreacting. My MIL is the same way and needless to say my kids NEVER stay at her house anymore. The only time I leave them is if I absolutely have to and it is for like 2 hrs tops. I hate when they feel that they have raised kids and that their parenting is better than ours? I don't know how they think that they have that right!
2007-09-15 00:08:02 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. Dominguez 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO. You are NOT overreacting. Cigarette smoke is NASTY and a child, especially an infant should NOT be exposed to it. It can cause a baby to develop RSV, which is a severe respiratory infection that can lead to hospitalization. Have your hubby speak to her about the dangers and if she still refuses to cooperate you may have to pay for daycare, or get a babysitter to come to your home.
2007-09-15 00:02:03 · answer #9 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not overreacting. Times change, and more importantly, this is NOT HER CHILD. She should be willing to realize and respect that, and comply with any (reasonable) wishes you guys have for your child.
If you can't trust your child to be safe in her care, you would be at fault to keep taking her there. It's unpleasant, but it's that simple. Good luck, whatever you decide!
2007-09-15 00:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋