I want to have a rehearsal dinner. My parents are paying for the wedding (I am a SAHM so money is tight and they offered). They have been gracious and wonderful. My Mother informed me yesterday that they can't pay for the rehearsal dinner because there is just too much to pay for and they can't afford it-which is fine with me. They have done so much for us that it is her decision and I am 100% on board with what she decides. She wants to take us, my brothers, and my grandmother to dinner but not the bridal party/soon to be monster in laws. My in-laws refuse to pay for anything-fine. Here's the dilemma: Because our wedding party is doing so much and spending so much, I want to pay for their dinners . However I hate my in-laws and refuse to pay for them. Do I HAVE to invite them? Or tell them they are welcome to come but they have to pay for their own meal? I'm at the point where I don't even want them at the rehearsal. My fiancee doesn't seem to care either way.
2007-09-14 16:46:42 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would be relieved if I never had to see them again. Why should I have to pay for them? They don't do anything for us, she makes no attempt to have a relationship with her son ( my fiancee) she was a horrible mother and did rotten things to him when he was younger and to this day doesn't get what she did wrong.
2007-09-14 16:56:06 · update #1
The rehearsal is about 30 minutes from where the monster in laws live, as well as most of the wedding party and my mother doesn't want all those people at her house the night before the wedding because I had suggested that but she said no.
2007-09-14 17:03:39 · update #2
Oh and when the MIL found out there was no rehearsal dinner the only thing she cared about was making sure she was still going to be invited to the rehearsal so she can feel important. She doesn't actually care about her two older sons she just feels like she has to make herself look good for others.
2007-09-14 17:14:09 · update #3
Rachel, I actually didn't mind them at first. I've slowly grown to despise them. It's only gotten worse over time, not better. My fiancee is closer to my mom and stepdad than his.
2007-09-14 17:16:13 · update #4
SAHM= stay at home Mom. The point is we don't have anywhere to hold it that is reasonably close and our 20 month old needs to get to bed early because she won't be napping the day of the wedding and I'm not driving all over the state to be 'nice' to them. Ugh. Too much caffeine I suppose.
2007-09-14 17:22:53 · update #5
How about making the rehearsal dinner for the bridal party only? Whoever is actually in the wedding gets to go. Including the people who walk you down the aisle - Mom & Dad;)
I feel your pain! Weddings are tough and in-laws can make them harder. Mine wouldn't let me have it black tie-optional (OPTIONAL!!!!) because they thought my hubby's relatives wouldn't show up of it were too fancy - that they wouldn't know what to wear.
Good luck! Remember, the best way to get through your big day is too relax!!!
2007-09-15 02:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by Who's sarcastic? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm behind Alison 100%. Telling people who is to blame will only look trashy and cause more problems in the end. I would notify them of this as soon as possible so those who wish to decline to attend the shower may. Then, I would have an usher at the door with a guest list. If anyone shows up who shouldn't, have the usher explain, "I apologize. I understand there was some kind of misunderstanding about a shower and invitations, but I have the official guest list here. The bride and groom apologize for any inconvenience, but this venue has strict attendance limits. I cannot permit you in." The situation really sucks, but I completely understand. When you have stubborn family, sometimes they just will not listen to you or to normal etiquette rules no matter how many times you tell them. Good luck! Oh and as far as the Aunt who wants to come to dinner goes, just keep telling her no. If she shows up on her own, then she can sit by herself.
2016-04-04 21:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner, your bouquet, boutonnieres for the groomsmen and ushers, the clergy fee, marriage license etc. The brides family does not pay for everything. As much as people want to say that you are the one causing a division, they have just as much responsibility in creating this whole situation by not putting up their part of the wedding costs and by not making you feel welcome into their family.
However if they attend the rehearsal and there's a dinner afterwards, it would reflect poorly on you to not invite them. You don't have to have a rehearsal dinner. Instead go for an after wedding brunch with your wedding party to show your appreciation.
2007-09-22 15:11:23 · answer #3 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...what a way to start a marriage. BTW I have no idea what SAHM means. You mentioned about You and Your family contributing...but what about your Fiance? There's obviously a lot of dynamics here that I don't understand and it appears that all of the many details are getting you stressed. Just remember you can't please everyone but it is beneficial to not try and alienate your relatives right off the bat. It's better to try and live in harmony if possible...enough said on that as i don't understand the dynamics here.
Why does the rehearsal party need to be at a restaurant or where ever it is your going that's going to cost money. for example If you have it at someones house, why not make it a pot luck thing where everyone brings a dish...That helps you out and makes everyone feel like they are contributing. Then you can invite the inlaws without having to pay for them and it forces them to participate...no salad no entry :) Don't worry about the wedding party...they are your friends and are happy to do it and one day you will do the same for them!
When my wife and I got married, we did not have a lot of money and neither did our families. So I paid for the invitations, booze, Limo and other assorted minimal expenses including a party room at my uncles Condo for a small fee. Then the rest of the family brought food plates cups etc for the reception. We never had a rehearsal party. We ended up having a real nice wedding without having to mortgage our future (I just had to sell my Bike to pay for it).
HTH
2007-09-14 17:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by superdave 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow.
Frankly, since your fiance does not care either way, don't invite them. Have your wedding party and your side of the family go out to the rehearsal dinner.
Do they know when/where the rehearsal is? If not, then don't tell them. If they are not acting like parents then they should not be treated like parents. Just because one was a sperm donor and the other was carrying him does not mean they are true parents.
Good luck.
2007-09-15 10:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say let them pay for their own damn dinner ! If they do not want to particpate in the finances of their son's wedding, then they should have no problem paying for their dinner.
As for the Bridal party, pay for them . They are already spending enough money and doing you the favor of being in your wedding.
Man, I hate MONSTER-in-laws. Just let them know money is tight and they are more than welcomed to join you for dinner, but they will have to pay for their food. End of dicussion. If they do not like that, then let them know that's too bad. Hope this is helpful ! I'll back up a revengeful bride and groom anyday !
2007-09-20 07:19:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of a rehearsal dinner, why don't you do a rehearsal lunch? have a nice luncheon at a restaurant or wherever with your man and your bridal party.
then after rehearsal have coffee and cake at the church or wherever the wedding is. if you do a simple coffee and cake after the rehearsal it should keep her happy and be over releatively quick so that you and your man can then go for a late dinner with your mum, brothers, grandma and whoever else!
would that work for you?
if not perhaps have your family dinner the following evening?
------
in the meantime perhaps your man and i are siblings - lol - my mother is the witch from hel! and beyond....years of therapy and a very patient hubby gave me a normal life which i love. you will do the same for your hubby to be and all will be well!
good luck sweetie!
have a wonderful marriage
2007-09-18 15:34:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He does care he is just in the middle of a struggle even if his parents are beyond awful he is still torn between his soon to be wife not liking them and them being so awful but he feels loyal to them because they are his family. My thought is dont have a "rehearsal dinner". Just go to dinner after the rehersal. Or have a light snack after the rehersal and save all of the trouble. Have coffee and dessert simple cheap easy and non offensive. Just keep in mind he may profess to hate or extremely dislike his family they may be awful to the both of you but somewhere deep inside he feels bad if you talk badly about them. Try to keep a positive or maybe optomistic approach when dealing with them it may make things easier. Once you are married you may not have to deal with them so much but if you do not letting them "get to you" is sometimes easier said then done but will ultimately be for the best.
2007-09-20 06:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by galixcysmagic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh - tough situation. Unless you are eloping and foregoing a traditional wedding, you need to have some type of rehearsal party.
But - please remember, if the groom's parents aren't going to pay for it, then you should have a friendly get together after the rehearsal. It doesn't have to be a formal sit-down dinner - it could be nice snacks and drinks as a thank-you to the wedding party. Spend a good hour or so mingling with the wedding party and showing your appreciation. Be gracious, classy and polite. If someone complains, it's their own issue to deal with.
However, after the wedding, it would be perfectly appropriate to plan a dinner celebration with your new husband, your parents, brothers and grandmother to help welcome your husband into the fold.
2007-09-14 16:56:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
WoooooW. 1- tell them you're only paying for the wedding party and they have to pay for themselves. By the way, the rehearsal dinner is AKA the GROOM'S dinner. The Groom's parents pay. Duh?
2- pay for them all
3- TALK to them! What's their deal? Don't they approve of you? Ask them what it is? Are they broke?
4- MAKE SURE your BF doesn't care. He may be just saying that. My husband's mom is a B-I-T-C-H. We were married 2 yrs ago in Aug, she helped NOTHING with the wedding and hasn't called since. She lives only 45 minues from us and we have 3 of her grandkids!
5- Ask your mom and dad what you should do.
6- Tell your mom and dad to talk to them
7- ACTUALLY you know who should talk to them- your husband to be! This is his family, hunny. Just like my husband he is stepping back and letting you take it all. He needs to stand up, be a man and say hey, enough is enough. What's wrong with you people? This is the chic I'm gonna marry and I love her. It's time you tell me why you don't like her and realize that I'm gonna marry her anyway. I'm your son and I'm asking for your help! He has to say something like that and stand up for both of you!
8- Screw everyone- go to Vegas. I wish, oh good GOD do I wish we'd have went to Vegas.
Good Luck
2007-09-22 15:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋