Hubby thinks he's doing a better job...?

Question

with our girls than me, their mom. I'm a stay at home mom of two young girls 3 1/2 and 5. Hubby works out of town 3 or 4 days a week. So, I pretty much run the whole show by myself. When he's home he doesn't do much but try to be attentive with the girls. Sometimes, I get overloaded and short fuse with the girls, nothing abusive or anything. I raised my voice at them and hubby don't like it and sometimes under mine me when I discipline them. Long story short, now hubby is stepping up more and thinks he so awesome at being daddy that he thinks he is better than me. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the fact that he step up, but can't stand him thinking he's better at it. Moms(ladies) vis versa , have you ever encounter this?

Answer 1

First of all, the two of you are suppose to be a team, not competitors. He should not be under minding you when you discipline your kids and vica versa.
I do know where you're coming from. After being home with my kids all day (they're 9, 7, 3 and 1m) by 6, 7pm I'm tired and little things begin to annoy me. I'll say something to them and my husband will try to lighten the atmosphere and tell them something else. He has more patience with them at the end of the day because mine are all worn out. It's not like I'm ranting and raving, just not in the mood to say "Go brush your teeth, Go brush your teeth" a bunch of times.
I straightened this out with him right away. I explained to him how I after being with the kids all day (not that its horrible, dont get me wrong) by the evening, I don't have as much patience for not listening, not following directions etc as I did at the start of the day. Playing "The Disney Dad Card" is of no help. I told him I appreciated him helping me and being involved, but I wanted a team mate when it came to our kids and not a competitior. The next day he still didn't quite get it, so I left him alone with the 4 kids for about an hour :). That proved my point.
You'll end up getting no where if you continue to stay in this kind of situation. You don't want to end up telling your girls down the road no when they ask you to do something and have them turn around and run to their father, ask the same question and get a yes because they KNOW he'll give them the answer they want.
Best Wishes =]

Answer 2

oh sweetie 25 years of the struggle with my husband for the same thing then i realized that he could never be me! Mom Me a wife that attends to his every need or want. I am the woman that every man would love to have I work full time I buy the groceries i pay all the bills I am there when anyone calls,and or have a need. Yes i am there but the thing that you have to understand for you is that you can never be him you are not daddy and one of the most important thing that a young girl will need as she grows is the first man in here life to show mom the respect that she deserves, so lovingly accept what he has to offer and try to help the situation ,to where you and he can spend the time agreeing on what you would hope for your future for your children. and only then will you come out of the situation knowing that you have done the most for your children.
for a clue I have 4 girls 5 grandchildren and a husband who goes out every weekend to get drunk.I have been married 25 years, I got a job after a year of marriage because my hubby said because he made the money i had to abide by his rules on how the money was spent. he would not allow money for clothes or shoes or school projects. my pay is more than his. i am raising 4 of my grandchildren on a daily basis 3 of them live with me. But he will never understand how things work. Till this day i still run the house not because i want to but because i have to. I am a married singal mom. next week i take my first real vaction for 5 days by my self. and i am leaving my house on bare supplies because my husband does not understand what it is that i trully do, but he will learn. good luck but oooh yes I do understand but you are at the beginnig so if things don't change to where you feell respected, all i can say the trip to where i am is hard as hell. But i am still standing and he is not a woman-me.

Answer 3

This is too funny I thought I was the only one going through this and I am Dad!!!!

I think men are pretty much less attentive until they see or hear something they dont like then we step in, I'm with my son all day and when his mother gets home from work she has a shorter fuse than normal...
This is nothing abnormal but as parents we all need to get over what our significant other is doing right or wrong and try our hardest not to let our kids become Children Of The Corn like my little key board tapper here now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Oh the old battle of the sexes-I know exactly what you mean it is someitmes hard to agree on everything when it comes to parenting. My husband is a stay at home dad but onw with five month old triplets I am at home instead. I think it really gets to him that everything seems to come a little easier to me and that I don't have to keep his insane routine to make sure everything runs smoothly.
You know what I think this kind of friction is very healthy competitive parenting. The most important thing though and its something my husband and I agree on is that disputes do not happen infront of the kids because they learn to play you off eachother. If either of you want to question the other it should be done behind closed doors and in front of the kids you need to be a united front.
Good Luck

Answer 5

Let's face it...him only being there a few days a week and mostly getting to play the good guy has given him a bit of an ego.
I mean, if he is seriously saying to you that he;s better...I have to ask you what kind of man you married. He sounds like a child.
You deal with the full gamit of parenting. He gets the fun part. I'm sure he is good at his part...be happy about that. But you have to agree on boundaries for the girls. If he is always mr. fun dad undermining your rules that's bad. They'll have daddy wrapped around their finger and you will end up the bad guy.

Answer 6

He probably is better if hes taking a more laid back approach. Boys need discipline more than girls at a younger age. If a girl has her bitchy mom bitching at her, your gonna get a bitchfest. girls are tough to raise because they can be bitchy, so if u got two goin at it, the situation escalates

Answer 7

oh, you have described my life!!! here is what you should(need)to do: make sure you let the girls know that you and their dad are the boss, and if he tells them something, they should do it.
i know he isnt around all of the time, that is the thing.....they don't know what goes on during our days...what we deal with. just let him do what he feels is important to keep the peace! (i know he THINKS hes great, but unless you get in a situation where he stays at home with them at least for a week without you around, he isnt going to really know what you go through, or what you need to do to discipline. just nod your head and smile at him.(that works in many situations!!)

Answer 8

Are you sure your not being paranoid. have more private conversation with him on how you feel and what disciplinary actions you both agree on for the girls sake.

Tell him you like a private outing dinner with him once a month. Get a babysitter.

Answer 9

me personally no, but it sounds like he'll be just fine if you take a weekend off.. maybe plan a short vacation with a couple girl friends. nothing too extravagant, i mean if he's "better" at it then you, no need to worry about the kids rather then enjoying yourself :)

Answer 10

I agree with the first answerer, take a vacation and those girls will straighten him out :)