Did I do the right thing?

Question

I gave up a night on the town to spend time watching Fern Gully with my 6 year old daughter....should I have gone out? I might add that all my friends have been avoiding even asking me lately because I always refuse. I think family time is more important, and we just rented this movie that I think is really important that my daughter watch with me.

But I miss my friends and I think they will avoid me in the future because of this. But I feel that going out to the cluibs should be a pre-planned thing...not just on the spur of the moment (they all have children, too)?

Is friend or family time more important to you?

Thank you all so much, as I can now hear my daughter snoring on the couch (loving every minute of that :-) and all my "friends" coming home from thier "night out" (we live in very close apartment quarters). It's hard to deal with becuase I never really cared what my "friends" did (Jess and Missy, keep out of this! LOL!) until I moved to a place where I really didn't have true friends. Now it feels as if I'm left out of the group because my husband just won't stay home at the drop of a hat!!!

Not that he minds...it's just that he doesn't go out either without us talking about it first. The thing is, he can tell the difference between "going our friends" and true to the end, never let you fall, make sure you're always taken care of friends.
I'm, however, emotional, and have a hard time with that. I don't even talk to a person unless I think they are going to be willing to bring their son/daughter over for a night of kids' movies...instead of drinking and singing karaoke (which I miss so much). Maybe I'm just a bad judge of character....

Answer 1

Listen sweetie, there is nothing more important than your precious daughter. You not only made the right choice for her, because she knows that you are a stable and secure element in her life, which will help her grow up strong and confident. But you made the right choice for you as well. You cannot replace these wonderful snuggle times ever, they last in your memory for the rest of your life. And on top of that, tomorrow morning you will wake rested and refreshed and continue being a good mom, while your "friends" will be hung-over and cranky! Hmmmm.....I like your way!

Answer 2

You did the right thing. If you had gone out, you would have felt guilty the whole time and missed your daughter, and your daughter would have felt that she was not as important to you as your friends.
I believe that our children are the MOST important people in our lives. Sometimes we make sacrifices, but almost always the sacrifices are worth it. Your daughter probably appeciated your time more than your friends would have.
I know friends are important too, and time to be yourself and not just a mommy, but your friends sound a little unreasonable if they expect you to go out at the drop of a hat.
I think you should organize something fun with your friends where all the kids can come too... like a girls night. Put the kids in front of Fern Gully 2 and sit around talking around chips and dip. Or have all the kids sleep over at one person's house with a sitter and then go out.

You are right to pick your child first. I always put my family first too, even when it's tough. A TRUE FRIEND WILL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND!

Answer 3

I think you have the right idea-family is so important and kids grow up very quickly nights like this are the kind of memories you will cherish when she goes off to college. Equally though you have to try and find a balance to avoid getting low about the situation. As a mom of ten I know it is extremely difficult to find a time when your kids don't need you, in fact that time doen't really exist-even when they are sleeping there is the possibility that they will wake up and need a cuddle or they will be sick while your out-the list is endless put you have to make time away from them for your sake and theirs.
First off your friends should understand especially if they have kids that you have responsibilities and cannot just go out on the spur of the moment and if they are true friends they won't stop asking you out because they will continue to crave your company but it is also important that you go out once in a while. I personall have to MAKE time to go out with my girlfriends-it seems weird but as a mom thats what you have to do. My husband and I go out every Friday night on a 'date night' almost without fail and it is hugely responsible for keeping our marriage alive after sixteen years.
After that I tend to hang out with my girlfriends by taking up a sport with them like jogging or tennis or something and arranging that on wednesday for example we go for a run and have a meal together whatever it might be that fits into your routine.
You need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling and arrange a night every two weeks even where he stays in with your little girl and you get a well earned night on the town.
Good Luck

Answer 4

family time is definately more important. and yes i think friends time should be planned ahead of time and not on the spur of the moment. unless it is an absolute emergency. your daughter will do better for this as well. as a parent we all still need our own personal time at times to. that break we need once in awhile. i guess some people need that more than others. i never felt that need that much while my children were little. but we do need it to keep from getting over stressed at times. you did what was in your heart and you can't go wrong when you do that. good luck and best wishes.

Answer 5

Family comes before friends ALWAYS. Especially your own children. If you have children, it should be

(1). Your children.
(2). Your family.
(3). Your friends.
(4). Your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/ wife.

At least to me, that's the way it is. No exceptions.

You did the right thing. If you miss going out with your friends so much, then welcome to parenthood. Everything changes when you have a kid.

Maybe you can set asside sometime when you can spend some time with your friends. But the way I see it, a night out with friends won't ever compare to the joy of staying home with your children and watching something. (or doing anyting with your children for that matter). Your child gets more out of it then you think, and if you go out with your friends all the time just because you "miss them", then your child will suffer because of it. That's the reason you did the right thing, I think.

And if "friends" are going to "avoid you" for "staying home with your daughter and not going out with them", then they aren't real "friends" to begin with.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Well i am a semi- stay at home mother (bc i do work 2 days a week) so everyday for me seems to be "family time". Honestly when that once a month opportunity comes up for me to go out with the girls and my husband will watch our son, I jump at it. It rarely happens where it works out that we can all go out. And yes family is very important, but your friends should be a very close 2nd! Don't always turn your friends down or when you need them, they won't be there.

Answer 7

Family time is SO much more important to me.

I think you did the right thing, absolutely.

Why not pick a night next month and plan a night that you can go out with the girlfriends? This way you'll know what night so you can make other plans with your family around it to "make up for it", you'll know ahead of time, and the girls can feel like they still matter to you, too. Good luck~

Answer 8

The joy of having kids hey! Unfortunally kids trump everything and you really dont' have a life when you have children. Good luck and good for you for picking your daughter over friends. I'm sure she's happy about it. Family time is always more important

Answer 9

I kind of feel the way you do. I agrre that spending time with your kids is more important. But you still need time for yourself as an adult. It is a hard balance to maintain. People hardly ever ask me to go out and do anything anymore. I won't go to clubs though, alot of them still do. I think it is disrespectful to my husband to go there. And I since I have kids and adult responsibilities I don't have money to burn anymore, so they don't even ask me to go shopping. It sucks. Basically I am down to one friend and when she meets someone she will stop coming over too!

Answer 10

I think you have your priorities in the right place. A less mature person would think only of their own needs, but you put your child first. Of course you still want to have your friends, and if they want to go out with you all they have to do is plan ahead. Perhaps you could initiate the next invitation to go out. The only message you are sending them is that you needs to plan your nights out. But the more important message is the one that you send your child when you don't cancel your plans with her or set her needs aside to be with your friends.