Should I leave?

Question

I'm living in California with my boyfriend and his family. We have a 9 month old son. The conditions here are pretty bad. His nephew lives here and destroys all of my stuff. For example, he ****** up my cords to my DVD player doing a wrestling move. His dog shits all over the living room, so I can't let the baby play out there. Our room is extremely small, so the baby doesn't have much room in there. I don't have a babysitter, so I can't work. If I move to Oregon with my parents, I can get on section 8 and have my family babysit while I'm at work. I could go back to school, too. The only problem is that my boyfriend, the baby's father refuses to move there. He also says that if I go, and I'm there too long that he will lose interest. I’ve explained to him that Oregon isn't where I want to live forever, and that I only want to go there for two or three years to get on my feet, and then we can move back to Cali. I don't care about staying with him, but I don't want my son to grow up without a dad. He has assured me that will happen if I leave.

Thank you all for your answers. You have really helped me sort all of this out. I really appreciate it.

Answer 1

So, let me break this down in pieces because you brought up a few issues here...

It's time to leave, you are right. This guy is holding you back, and trying to manipulate you. Obviously, he has no respect for you and your baby (dog poop, and inconsiderate relatives damaging your property. Not to mention, that the poop is really a safety issue. It's very unsanitary).
In addition, anyone that truly cared about you would want to see you successful, as well as improving the life of your child.
And he doesn't want you to be around your family, because this makes it more difficult for him to manipulate and control you. He wants to make it so you feel that you have no other options but to depend on him. In the end, if he treats you this badly, what would stop him from up and deciding to leave both of you anyway? You should not just "go" back to your family, you should RUN! Don't let him talk you out of this. And if you are concerned about his participating in the life of your child if you need to you can set up visitation thru the court system (and child suppport too). And if he does end up abandoning you, can you honestly say that this is the type of person that you want to raise your baby around? Leave, and get your life back on track while you can. It's GREAT that you want to do better for yourself and your baby. Don't let ANYONE hold you back from that. That baby should be your number one priority, and you are acting the way a responsible caring parent should. Like I said, not to break your heart or hurt your feelings, but this guy will almost definitely leave anyway. At this point he's just trying to find an excuse. If you stay, he will come up with one anyway, and the only thing that will be different is you may have missed your opportunity and possibly have more children, which will only make it that much harder. Leave now hon, and don't look back! Good Luck!!! :)

Answer 2

I´ve got an impression that your boyfriend is not interested in your or your baby´s good. He seems quite comfortable with his family and doesn´t give much thought to your and the baby´s development. Also: does he take your side or does he remain "impartial"? And, trully, what does he mean by saying that "he will lose his interest" ? That is so immature!
Get your things and go, you both will be so much happier with the help of your family. And you need to think about the future too, thumbs up about oing back to school. I´m talking from my own perspective, I had a baby young and getting education plus independence was the best thing I could have done for myself and my child. It´s all about setting your priorities right.
Good luck and don´t look back.

Answer 3

I would say that your BF needs to get off dead center and get you three a place of your own just to be out of there. You need to issue an ultimatum to him and set a time limit. When you get to that point in time, you leave and go to live with your parents, then go to court to file against him for child support.

On his end, this is all about dominance and control. He isn't trying to help you or the baby.

You can try to get rid of the dog in the meantime... nobody is letting the dog out to do his business, so it is abuse. See if you can get some shelter to take it.

Answer 4

Even though this might sound hurtful to your fiance, your child comes first. You either have to decide between living off his parents for the rest of your lives, or living with yours temporarily to better your futures. Simple and deep down you know if your fiance cared enough about what's best for your child, he'd be out on the next flight. He has the will to allow you and him to live with his parents, so there isn't an accuse to not live with yours for just a little while. Please don't wait till he finds someone else... get out and make a future for yourself and you little one. It'll be tough at first, but YOU CAN do it. Good luck!~

Answer 5

you have to give your child the best that you can and room to grow. your boyfriend is only thinking about himself. if he is that selfish then you need to move on and do whats best for you and your boy. there are so many more caring guys out there who can be a rloe model for your son,so dont worry about him being without his father. i sounds like in the long run he will be better off without him.