Please tell me I'm not alone! We had a SERIOUS tantrum in public today!?

Question

My son is 2 1/2 and MUST sit in the shopping cart. He will not walk nicely and hold your hand. Instead, he'll race down an aisle, grabbing things off the shelves and crashing into people. So of course with a screeching and thrashing toddler I get plenty of stares. Then sometimes my son gets to the point where he begins to dry heave from so much forceful crying. So I cut my shopping short, and whatever I had in my cart I went right to the check out line. While in line he calmed down, I rubbed his back, wiped the snots and tears away, gave him some water. But of course it's so humiliating in public with all the stares at you. For everyone's safety, he is in the cart and I try to say this loudly enough so others can hear.

How do some of you deal with this?

Answer 1

It sounds like you dealt with it well. Before I had kids of my own, I always felt bad for the kid when I saw a kid in public having a tantrum. Now that I have kids, I always identify with the mother! There's no question that your child can pick up on how you are feeling about the whole thing and if he knows that he can humiliate you (and manipulate you), he will do it whenver he wants to get the intended result. He needs to figure out that he will not get his way by having a tantrum. You need to be quick and firm and consistent in your reaction. Talk to him about what your expectations are before you go somewhere. If he does well (unusually well) you may want to reward him with a sticker, and once he has several stickers he can trade them in for a small item -- or just let him collect stickers for being good. This way you will be rewarding and reinforcing his good behavior. As far as while he is having the melt down -- either just let him cry in the shopping cart and ignore his behavior or leave the store right away and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and don't let him have his way about it at all. We've all been there; that's for sure. As long as you know you are not being cruel to him, just ignore the looks from other people!

Answer 2

I would say you handled it great. Both of my kids have mild Autism, so I bribe them before we go in.

Slurpee!!! Slurpees (sp?) are the best thing ever. I get them each a medium one and they don't get them until they're both buckled in the cart. My son is like your's. I could never let him walk, it's an accident waiting to happen. If they make it more than 3/4 through without a problem, they will also get a small balloon. And the ice cream is in the last isle, which can work for another bribe.

No I don't think bribing is always the way to go. But having 2 kids on the spectrum really opens your eyes and ears to all that is going on that we take for granted. There is something about most grocery stores that set off a lot of kids. Mine can handle Walmart, and a crowded mall, but need bribing in any grocery store. You could also bring a toy or 2 and tie it to the handle of the cart. This may sound extreme, but cheap. They make MP3 Players for under $20, you could pick one up for him and put his favorite songs and ONLY use it while food shopping. This way, he'll have something to look forward to. Sometimes I'll use the carts that have a truck in the front, but they usually start fighting.

I don't look at anyone when they stare. I've had to carry an almost 7 year old out while dragging the 2 year old behind me, so I know the looks you're talking about!

I'm a single parent, so the option of leaving them home while food shopping doesn't exist.

Just make sure he's tightly buckled in from the start, and know your store. Try to go first thing in the morning right after he's had breakfast. Sometimes it can also help if you take him out to play first, since he's not old enough to understand the concept of getting a trip to the park AFTER he's good at the store. If you go to a park or anything before food shopping, just learn how to time it right, or it can backfire and he'll be twice as cranky.

-Good Luck

Answer 3

You do exactly what I did. When my eldest son was three (four now) I use to have to put him in the shopping cart aswell, for he wouldn't hold my hand. But when we didn't have the shopping cart, it would be even more humiliating, because I would HAVE to hold his hand, and he would just drop to the ground screaming, and crying. And I would get a lot of stares because then I am practically lifting him up by his arm. It is quite embarrassing when you get the stares, I usually just say "Sorry" to the people, and they usually understand.
It's good that you by leaving the shop shows that the tantrum isn't getting him any where, it is just making you guys leave. I use to get to the point where I would even bribe my son, "If you are good today while mommy is shopping I'll buy you a treat". And he obviously would reply with an "Ok!". So then that was a peacful way of getting out of it, but then he always wanted a treat. So, it is quite hard.

Just try to be firm with him, I tryed to tell my son that everyone is staring at him, "Look Harrison, everyone is staring at you. They are laughing at you being naughty". And this actually worked a bit, there were still a few sobbs at time, but then he stopped.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Yes, it is very hard shopping with a toddler. You did a great job. It is best to stay calm, and relaxed. That is most important when they are in those stages.

My daughter is also two and half. I can't let her walk in the store as well. She will not stay with me like the adverage child. She gets angry and screams her head off. There have been times when I have to just pick her up, and grab my purse and leave the store.

The people who are staring at you are staring for two reasons. One could be because the remember that age very well, and feel for you. The other is because they have never had kids, and they have no clue what children are really like.

What works for us, is when I get to the store, I never even let my daughter walk. I pick her straght from the car seat and put her in the shopping cart. Then I have a snack with me, something that she likes. I also have water with me as well. I then let her get involved in the shopping trip as much as I can. If I have coupons, I find the item that I want to buy, and I see the item I am looking for I give it to her along with the coupon. I have her put the item in the cart (if it is not glass or anything) Then I have her put the coupon in a small box that I bring with me. That way she is the keeper of the coupons.

I also try to go shopping after we go to the park or some physical activity. that way she isn't as wound up and is usually more calm.

I also bring things she can draw with, and let her draw.

WHat works best for me...is I go as fast as I can. I make a fool of myself trying to keep her happy. I found it works best if I do small trips every few days, rather the one big one every day.

then I realize that this stage won't last forever.

Answer 5

My solution is to make sure that I go shopping first thing in the morning or right after nap so that my daughter isn't tired. I make sure that she has just had breakfast or a snack so she isn't hungry. Then I pack a small backpack with a drawing pad (on a small clipboard) and pens, finger snacks, and a couple of matchbox cars. This usually buys me about a half hour to 45 minutes to shop. If she starts to cry or climb out of the cart I take away the toys and put them on the bottom of the basket and freeze until she stops. Then I chat with her for a couple of seconds and find out what the problem was. Usually it's just that she was tired of being ignored.

This still only buys me 45 minutes but I have learned to either speed shop or make one trip into two each week.

Good Luck I know it's no fun!

Answer 6

I used to have teh same problem. My son would always go shopping with me until he turned 2 1/2 or so and started doing exactly what your son does. So I stopped taking him shopping with me. I know it's tough because sometimes you have to take him but those times I would try to only pick up a few things. Maybe in small doses he will learn to behave. I think they get bored just walking with mommy or sitting in the cart.

Don't worry it does get better, now my 6 year old is very well behaved.... but he threw a fit recently on a plane when he was over tired and I was completly mortified!! Of course everyone stares like I'm the worst mommy ever, but the guy next to me told me that his son once crawled under a table at a restaurant and screamed that he wanted to go home.

So I think these things happen to all of us, it doesn't mean you are a bad mom so don't beat yourself up about it!!

Answer 7

Oh expensive, my daughter is 22 months and she or he's a turd at the instant. She throws suits all the time. right this moment it grew to become into on the food market by way of fact i does not enable her have candy. She grabbed the top of the field and pulled. candy bars in each single place. i think like an fool. Her dad won't watch her so I could take her everywhere. There i'm 7 month previous and turd 22 month previous. human beings seem at me like i'm "that guy or woman" interior the save. Uggghh. I want i ought to arise with the money for a sitter once I incredibly have errands to run. The toddler is large, yet my 2 year previous is a foul 2 each of ways.

Answer 8

I know how u feel, my 3 yo son does the same when we go shopping, i telll him in the morning before we go that he has to behave him self for mum. we get out the car in the car park and i tell him to wait for me and hold my hand and i talk to him about being a good boy, i just keep talking alot to him to distract him. so i do it way before we get there. he generally doesnt sit in the trolly, but does run head of me in the aisle. i call him back! people do look! i hate it, but you push through. i tell him he can get the items we need and counts apples and put them in the bag for me. i try and get him involved.
i did have a mini breakdown though at a mall some months ago with a pram and he refused to stay in it after the line up at wendys way way too long and rediculous for a small ice cream for him.
he went through a full blown tantrum and i had to navigate a pram and a resistive boy that was screaming and wouldnt be carried by me. i did lose my patients and felt panicky and was telling him "what is wrong with you"?
i found a toilet exit asile sat down with the pram and let him cry away from me! Thats how bad it got and i can never get over it because it tests you soo deep.people were getting concerned seeing this crying boy with no mum, but i was just down the aisle abit, but i had to move on and pick him up."thanks but hes mine"!
i just wanted to share that with you and i dont think im a bad mum, i just had a bad experience!

Answer 9

Its age I think a lol... time of passage actually . Keep patience dont lose control and dont give in. He wants to show his independence yeah thats good at times but there are times when safety and such concerns. Dont be embarrassed I have a 14 year old and a 15 month old...hehehe i see fit at newer / different heights every day.
Take care

Answer 10

Terrible twos.
People with kids understand.
Try to do shopping while he's with dad or grandma maybe. it will make it soo much easier for you.

Or, get him involved. Cut out some food items from an ad, and tape them on a paper. When you are looking for things at the store, have him pick an item to get, and then he can hold it for you. Maybe that might help him from running off.