The more authentic and funnier it sounds, the better!
2007-09-14 10:27:34 · 21 answers · asked by Belzetot 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
...and the 11th commandment tis "Thou shalt not get caught", and the 12th commandment is like unto it, "Thou shalt not speak ill of another 'Publican".
The 13th commandment is unlucky so I reserve it for future use".
The 14th commandment I give unto you ist "Thou shalt not grovel.", for I, the Lord, shall visit My anger and wrath on those who grovel and shalt blot them from the face of Israel, or shall give them unto the Christians to be converted into goyim.
The 15th Commandment:Thou shalt be wary of Greeks bearing gifts.
The 16th is like unto it, "George Bush has my ear, and I converse with him daily. He has my personal stamp of approval to A-bomb and occupy the heretics of Iran, and do anything he d@mn well pleases or can get away with." (Actually this one came from the Bible Code, so it may be untrustworthy)
The 17th commandment "He who sells what isn't his'sin, must buy it back or go to prison."
The 18th commandment: It is better to live like a lion than die like a Lamb."
2007-09-14 11:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by sheik_sebir 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Thus in the time of Zenon, did many come to inhabit the mountain, so that its green valleys were covered by the multitudes, wearing sheepskins and caps from the pelts of otters, who noticing one another, were given to fornication and every manner of pleasure-seeking, until the clouds roiled with God's fury, and bolts of lightning sizzled their butts. And a great jackal, seeing this was good, burst forth with laughter, until he too was smitten. God spake thusly: "Woe unto my children, who appear to me as mere copulating beasts, beneath the rotting hides of mammals. I am the Lord thy God, and I just made the bonus level, so I get 10 extra points for each direct hit." With that did He hurled forth more lightning, toasting many who had offended Him, and a holy light flashed a new record score against the blackened sky...
2007-09-14 17:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by Who Else? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jeb 23:14. And Zeb, from the plains of Narcissus, didst plant a great many of the purple grapes. 15. Yea, verily though, whilst the brother in law Jebulon, didst worship, yes tabernacle in the wilderness, the grapes of Zeb were known far and wide for their grapy goodness!
2007-09-14 17:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by Tim 47 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Behold, I say unto you, that in those days shall the waters be muddied and the skies dappled with clouds! The song of the lark shall be stilled and woe to him who is abandoned in his enmity. For I shall smite, sayeth the Lord, with wrath and anger those who are in league with darkness.
2007-09-14 17:40:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
And he shall cleave it with the wings thereof, but shall not divide it asunder: and the priest shall burn it upon the altar, upon the wood that is upon the fire: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.
Oh sorry....that is a real one.
2007-09-14 17:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
And lo, and angel appeared unto Moses, and said, "Burn this bush. Breathe the vapors, and thou shalt have a religious experience."
So Moses set the bush on fire, inhaled the smoke, and saw god. And it was good sh-t.
And that, my children, is the story of the first pothead.
2007-09-14 17:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by Armless Joe, Bipedal Foe 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
"Cast not thy swine before pearls lest they maketh pearl necklaces unto themselves and thou breaketh a tooth when thou consumest the pork chops thereunto. Which thou had best not doeth anyway, lest thee find thyself in more hot water than thou canst get out of!"
-- 2nd Joketh 4: 56 and 57.
2007-09-14 17:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by Wolfeblayde 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Never trust a dog to watch your plate of food.
He who straddles a fence ends up with a sore crotch.
The devil would never tell a lie.
2007-09-14 17:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by michael m 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I didn't make this up, but there seem to be a lot of people who think that it is in the Bible, but it isn't.
"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."
2007-09-14 18:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by Senator John McClain 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"And Jesus walked the earth for many moons, in search of purity amongst the inhabitants. When He could find none, He fell on His face and cried, 'Why Father? You have given them everything their hearts desire, and yet they turn from You.' God answered, "They seek to follow their own pursuits of earthly pleasure. Instead of seeking truth from Me, they now seek it through Yahoo/Answers!" oh, no.....
2007-09-14 17:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by dawnUSA 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋