what do i do about breaking up with father of my kids?

Question

I have been with my partner for 3yrs & now due our 2nd baby.
we argue alot as his ex causes us alot of stress, they have a 4 yr old daughter together. He tells me i cant go out,& gets funny with me should i confront him or say the wrong thing or say something he doesnt like. Its like i have to stay quiet & not have an opinion.
He lives of my daughters maintenence, hes lost his job & doesnt support us.
To make things worse our baby is due anyday, and despite my pains and pre-labour symptoms he has still left me to go on a mates stag do 50 miles away. hes there for 2 nights.he lost his phone and his mates phone is dead and he left me with no contact should the baby come. when we did speak he swore and shouted at me cos i questioned him about where his phone was.
Hes made sure i have no friends or family.
Hes making me feel so alone & isolated, and im scared of him.
I know no different, is this normal, if not what should it be like? what do i do, please help x

Answer 1

Its not normal for a man to not allow you to have an opinion on things (provided you give your opinion without being unnecessarily nasty or rude).

Its definitely not acceptable that he has disappeared for 2 days while you are about to give birth!

YOu are in a tricky situation though - you have 2 children by him. Only YOU can decide how well you can cope raising 2 kids without any help, especially a newborn! I have a toddler myself and one on the way.

He sounds useless to me - so if you think life would be easier without him - less anxiety etc, i'd get rid!

Answer 2

This is not normal at all.

IF you keep arguing then something is wrong in the relationship. He doesn't sound very responsible leaving you to go off on a stag night and disappearing for two nights during which he couldn't be contacted. Does this sound like a responsible adult let alone a father? Also if he is making you feel scared of him that is definitely not right and shouting and swearing at you if you disagree or ask a valid question makes me wonder if this person is just a bully. By ensuring you are isolated and alone he is keeping you under his control. Do you love this guy? Because I don't know if this sounds like a relationship worth trying to save. From where I am at it seems like you are just a possession to him and not a very prized one. In fact you are a meal ticket.
You have a daughter and are expecting another child. I think these children should come first.
You say he made sure you have no friends or family. Well first things first - do you have a sister or brother or cousin you could get in touch with again? Your mum or dad? Failing that what about friends from school or work or neighbours? You need to start building bridges with the outside world. When the baby is born how about going to one o clock club or some mother child activity centre where you can make friends with other mothers? Because you need to take some control back into your life and once you have done that then the next step is to kick him out or leave him. Seriously

Answer 3

Oh dear. No, this is not a normal, equal relationship and of course you know that its not right. Your partner sounds very insecure. He has put you in the classic 'ivory tower' where you are to be his alone. They usually do this by slowly getting rid of friends and family and making sure the only times you set foot outside the door is to go to the supermarket or doctor! Unfortunately, men like this very rarely admit to being controlling and unless you are a very, very strong individual, its nearly impossible to have a decent, happy life with this type of person. He is obviously being quite cruel as well. To leave you on your own in such a vulnerable state is quite unspeakable and there isn't any excuse. The fact he lost his job and is making no attempt to improve his lot by finding another job is also a great concern. Its a very big problem and not one to take lightly. I don't think you should do anything straight away as you need to care for you and the baby first and at least you are in a place you know right now. For the future, I would ensure that you work at getting friends and family back on side. This may have to be done in secret and you will have to be honest and explain why. In the event that you feel you could leave him, and I think that maybe inevitable, you will need a safe place to live for a while. Family is best for this as they have more invested in your safety. Otherwise, when he returns home, act normal, don't rock the boat and plan how you are going to get out of this mess. Don't be afraid to approach any authorities you think might be able to help e.g. housing or benefits agencies. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions

1. What's good about him?
2. Do you think it's normal for someone else to control everything that you do, say and question?
3. Do you enjoy this?
4. Do you feel supported by him?
5. Do you want your unborn baby growing up in a house under this mans rules?
6. Would you be better off with him or without him
financially?
emotionally ?
7. Do you want friends and family in the lives of you and your children?
8. Is he worth their absence?
9. Do you have the name of a solicitor?
10. Do you have a yellow pages?
11. Are you going to be physically safe if you decide to seperate from him?
12. Who can you call on to help you in the next few days when you go in to labour with regards looking after your eldest child?

In answer to your last questions - It's normal for some relationships - some women allow themselves to be treated like this, many others don't and wouldn't.
It should be just as you imagine it should be in your head - loving, equal, respectful relationships do exist

What do you do? Phone some of those friends and family that you haven't been in touch with for a while and tell them you need some help.

Good luck x

Answer 5

oh dear you sound as if you are in a dreadful dilema and all of this does not sound good. I think he is a control freak, selfish and a right piece of work. You deserve better and so does your unborn child. I would get rid esp if your frightened of him, thats no way to live and it isnt normal, believe me. The problem is you will be tied to him as he is the dad of the unborn child unless of course he renounces all parental responsiblities. Rekindle your relationships with your family and friends for support dont feel isolated or alone you will need close friends and family around you esp at this time. Hopefully these relationships will give you strength i wish you luck god bless.

Answer 6

Right start making plans to leave this nasty,vile bully.
Its going to be hard at the moment because ofthe imminent birth,but just keep it in your head that you will not be putting up with this for much longer.
Please just try not to argue with him,i know its hard but you need to stay calm for yours and the babies sake.
I dont know your circumstances but you need to talk to someone at an advice bureau,or even the domestic violence unit at your local police station,because although you dont mention actual violence,you are suffering from mental abuse which can be just as bad.
When you give birth,i doubt very much if he will be around,so you could ask at the hospital if you could speak to a social worker.Dont worry they are there to help.They can help you to move away from him.
If you stay with him you are going to end up really unhappy i promise you.I put up with similar for 16 years or so,and although i left 10 years ago,i still suffer from depression,so im begging you to get away from him.
Your baby will honestly be better off away from him,
I wish you all the luck in the world ,i really do.
Good luck with the birth.

Answer 7

This is far from normal, get out while the going is good. If it is your place as in your name is on the lease then get him out but have someone there with you even if it's just the police.

Get in touch with family and friends if you need to, they can help you get away, this man sounds dangerous don't put yourself or your daughter through any more of this.

Answer 8

You need to get out of this horrible relationship! You don't need to be with someone who makes you feel this bad. You must have at least one friend or family member who can help or a support group you can contact. Being a single parent is hard ( i know) but it can't be any worse than whats happening to you right now.

Answer 9

You said:

"Hes made sure i have no friends or family.
Hes making me feel so alone & isolated, and im scared of him. "


HE cannot "make" you do something you don't want. You're a grown woman and you're suffering the consequences of YOUR decisions. It is still your decision to remain by his side.... and it will have to be your decision to leave this scumbag and move on with your life.

Apparently you're not dependent on him financially. You can do fine without him because he doesn't give you a dime. You have kids with him but that doesn't compel you to stay by his side if he mistreats you that way. In the future it'll be your kids whom he will mistreat. You don't have friends or family close because YOU have allowed him to push them away. If you're alone with him, it's because you've chosen to be. And until you make a WISE decision and kick this jerk's azz out of your life you will continue to live this miserable life, and so will your kids. Hope you stop allowing this to happen.......

Answer 10

You sound like young ones. of course this isnt a mature dating. think of relating to the toddlers try consuling... yet once you sense its authentic, then do it. it is not incorrect to break up with your baby father. yet once you ask for my opinion what you put in the define sounds extremely immature and sound like 15 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous dating. All I say is do whats best for you !