Do you think it's rude that only 30 people got me gifts for my wedding when I invited 100?

Question

I'm not trying to sound spoiled so please, no rude answers.

I got married about a month ago. Before the wedding, I recieved several gifts, and at the wedding we received a few, totalling approximately 30 gifts. I sent out 100 invitations total. I'm just wondering if this is a new trend, to not send a gift or card when you've been invited to a wedding. Approximately 100 guests showed up to the wedding, about 1/2 of the invitees.

I wouldn't normally be mad about this, I would be happy with just a congradulatory card, but most people didn't even send(or bring) that! I just wonder why people I spent time (and money) inviting wouldn't even acknowledge my marriage? These aren't distant people, some are my first cousins! I just don's understand how people can be so rude not to even send a card.

I know etiquette states you have a year to send a gift, but honestly, how many people receive gifts 6 months to a year later? I just don't get it.

Answer 1

I would definitely be upset. I would never, in a million years, show up at an event, such as a wedding, empty handed...and I would probably always remember who gifted and who didn't...how could you not? If one of the people who came without so much as a card needed something from me, I would think twice before lifting a finger for them in the future. You have to remember, though, those who are close to you and care about you, would gift you at your wedding.


*Even though "gifts aren't mandatory"...it is an unspoken rule. There are exceptions, but few and far between...



**I just love how so many people on this board act as though they are perfect. I don't care who you are, if 1/3 of your invites gifted you, you WOULD wonder about the rest...especially if you gifted them well at their own events.

She isn't saying that she expected a $1,000 check from all of her invites, she is just baffled that they didn't even acknowledge it with a simple card.

Answer 2

I do think it is a bit rude not to be thankful for what you did receive and then still expect more, but I'll provide a couple of thoughts anyway....

1. If these are your first cousins, perhaps they were expecting to be included in your aunts/uncles (their parents) gifts.

2. Perhaps they might need a gentle reminder, once they've RSVP'd with No, then may have put your wedding out of their head. Maybe a follow-up announcement with a nice photo would job their memory.

3. Some people might just be busy and keep putting it off or forget that they were supposed to pick up a card for you.

4. My sister had a lavish wedding and received tons of gifts. I had a very small wedding and didn't even receive a gift from my aunt (she did) or other cousins (she did). Are you the first in your family to get married or the fifth? Perhaps others might have felt that they've already bought gifts for all these weddings in your family and now they don't want to have to buy another one.

5. How would you feel if you just got a card with no money in it? Would you think that person cheap or disrespectful. Some people may hedge sending a card, because they know you'll expect money.

6. How close are you to your first cousins? I have first cousins that I haven't spoken with in about 15 years. I never expected them to send a gift, but I just wanted to let them know that I am happy and well and getting married.

7. Did you send your first cousins and other relatives gifts when they got married? Or were you too young and included with your parents (see number one)?

Gifts aren't required nor should they be expected. The wedding is not for the purpose it is to show and share your joy at marrying the man you love.

Answer 3

I don't think you should be offended.

First, regarding gifts.. I am hoping you didn't invite all those people expecting a gift from each or most of them. To me that is ridiculous and the wrong reason to invite people to your wedding.

Gifts are something that is done because you want too, not because you got an invite.

Secondly.. granted at least a Congratualtions card may have been nice from the people who didn't come or who didn't do a gift.. but now days, most people are not familiar with proper etiquette.. most people don't send thank you cards, or congratualtion cards.. the bottom line is most people just don't know any better.. and that is just a shame.

Being raised in the South.. it still bewilders me, how naive people are about such a little courtsey..

but with that said.. you can't fault people out of ignorance.

I would just let it go.. and move on.

Answer 4

It kind of depends on a few things. Where the people couples with kids and only brought one gift. If it was a couple with only 1 gift thats normal. Did the people who not show up not get along with you or new hubby? If so maybe they are making a point. Any wedding I was invited to and I got along with the people I would at least send a card or gift.

Answer 5

Did you have a gift registry? (this can be done at any store, like Target, Fortunoff, Baby's-R-Us, etc.)

This way you don't end up with like 30 toasters. Once someone buys a gift on the list, it is removed from the registry. Most stores even let you print out an updated registry as soon as you enter the store, so you will know AS SOON as someone already bought gifts off it.

Maybe some people were afraid of getting you something someone else already bought you.

Are there any grudges between you and the people that didn't buy you anything, or didn't show up at all?

I do think it's rude that all you care about is the gifts
you ARE Being rude

Now I ain't sayin you a gold digger...
but you're probably gonna divorce your hubby soon and collect alimony, right?
Does he work for Halliburton or something?

Answer 6

I understand that not everyone you invited may be able to afford a gift - or perhaps some people went in together on one if it was very expensive and just didn't acknowlege it, or maybe some people didn't give gifts because - to be blunt, Where would you PUT 100 gifts? that many blenders and plate sets and stuff would absolutely clutter any home, so perhaps they did you a favor by not getting you a bunch of stuff. If you had a gift registry perhaps the majority of people talked and figured out that they had already gotten everything on it, so they assumed nothing else was needed - I believe that was the traditional reason for gift giving - to start the new couple out with the things they *needed* to set up household.

I don't think there is any excuse not to write a letter or send a card thou - those can be made for free or bought for just a few dollars.

In the end it's better not to think of any of this as rude, or to get angry about it. Geez - you GOT MARRIED one month ago and you want to get upset about gifts? Be HAPPY! There are better things to think about!

And, if all else fails, you can just stop speaking to the people who choose not to give their blessing and congrats at your wedding and let them come around asking why - then you'll have the perfect opportunity to speak with each and find out the truth, and if they don't come around who cares?

Answer 7

Let's face it, many people these days are brought up without even the basics on manners and 'how to'. I bet if I went around and asked people in their 30's and 20's what the gift giving rules were for when a couple gets married, they wouldn't have the foggiest notion that they even had a year.
a. You either have a very self centered group of friends and family.
b. Many people didn't WANT to give you gifts
c. People couldn't afford to give you gifts
c. People assumed you two were already set with things and assumed it was OK NOT to give you a gift.
e. A combination of all of the above.

Personally, I don't recall counting the number of gifts I received vs. the number of invitations I sent out, but I do remember having some very self centered thoughts and reactions when I was that young and all wrapped up in MY WEDDING, MY MARRIAGE, MY LIFE....I do remember being that way. So if you can try, try to see the bright side of things, you don't have to write too many thank you cards! LOL

Answer 8

Congratulations on your wedding! I know you aren't being a brat. It was your big day, and it is thoughtful and meaningful that people acknowledge your commitment, even if it is something small like a card. Either you invited some cheap people or maybe it was something you did. Please don't get mad, I am trying to give an honest opinion. Did you plan this at an expensive occasion or at the last minute? Were many of these people acquaintances?

It is true that some people send gifts later. [Hopefully the latter is that case! :) ] Sorry that happened to you!

Answer 9

I hope the ones that did not send a gift, did not come to the wedding. that would be double rude. I would be inclined to say something to kinda get the word out, like make up something and say the store called and said there was a mix up on some of the gifts and some were not delivered, so if you sent something could you check your charge account because I wanted to make sure I thanked everyone.

if not to toss this one up as a very rude and un grateful group

Answer 10

I always give a gift at a wedding but not everyone does. You don't throw a wedding to get gifts as far as I'm concerned. You chose to spend that money and invite those people because (I hope) you wanted them to share the day with you. NOT so you would get more gifts. (Again - I hope.)

Answer 11

I am sorry but I am going to tell you like I tell every one else.......Gifts are not mandatory. A gift is something you give some one because you want to,because you care about the person, or to thank a person for doing something special for you. As a bride I never expect any one to give me any thing! If I receive any thing I am grateful for what I have received. Maybe those who came couldn't afford anything but want to be with you on your special day! Remember a wedding is for you to celebrate your love for each other and you invite family an friends to share in your day. Be Glad for what you have, a person who loves you and is willing to care for you for the rest of your life. That is much more special than a gift or card.