Mark Twain ruled, didn't he?

Question

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

Answer 1

"A man got religion, and asked the priest what he must do to be worthy of his new estate. The priest said, "Imitate our Father in Heaven, learn to be like him." The man studied his Bible diligently and thoroughly and understandingly, and then with prayers for heavenly guidance instituted his imitations. He tricked his wife into falling downstairs, and she broke her back and became a paralytic for life; he betrayed his brother into the hands of a sharper, who robbed him of his all and landed him in the almshouse; he inoculated one son with hookworms, another with the sleeping sickness, another with gonorrhea; he furnished one daughter with scarlet fever and ushered her into her teens deaf, dumb, and blind for life; and after helping a rascal seduce the remaining one, he closed his doors against her and she died in a brothel cursing him.
Then he reported to the priest, who said that that was no way to imitate his Father in Heaven. The convert asked wherein he had failed, but the priest changed the subject and inquired what kind of weather he was having, up his way."

--Mark Twain

Answer 2

Mark Twain did rule, for a myriad of reasons.

Answer 3

here is a couple from Sam Clemmens

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be... a Christian.



"Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?"



"[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies."



"For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit."



"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made Members of Congress."



"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them."

Better to be unborn than untaught, for ignorance is the root of all misfortune.
..........Aristotle



If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children
would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of
crosses.
..........Lenny Bruce



Why do you write to me "God should punish the English"? I have no close connection to either one or the other. I see only with deep regret that God punishes so many of His children for their numerous stupidities, for which only He Himself can be held responsible; in my opinion, only His nonexistence could excuse Him.
..........Albert Einstein, in a letter to a friend

Answer 4

sorry can't help but l did read somewhere advice on writing firstly,write for money,secondly if you read something you think is good re write it,typical mark twain

Answer 5

Mark Twain also wrote that anyone who looked up at the night sky and didn't believe in God was a fool. My best friend is his great, great grandson and he says I'm more like Mark Twain than he is, which is probably true after thinking about it for a while.

Answer 6

Mark Twain was awesome.


- 17 yo Pagan

Answer 7

People would be better off if they followed Mr. Twain, instead of their religious beliefs.

Answer 8

Mark Twain had the first punk rock moniker.

Answer 9

He was pretty good, I like this one:

"Religions are all alike - founded upon fables and mythologies." - Thomas Jefferson

Answer 10

mark twain pwnd them all if he was alive today we wouldnt be in a war