Was I wrong? Or right?

Question

Last year I dated a man who seemed normal, sensitive and a great boyfriend for all of 3 weeks. Then he began to unravel. Turned out he'd been released from a mental institution 3 weeks before I met him. He'd been in there for threatening to kill himself because his bank account was overdrawn. He also had bipolar, was on anti-depressants, smoked weed every day, couldn't get an erection. All this emerged after teh first golden 3 weeks together. He started talking about wanting to kill himself and asked me why I didn't want to kill myself too. I wanted to end things in light of this and he went berserk and said I was a "cruel b*tch" to break up with him just because he was mentally ill. He argued that EVERYONE is mentally ill and that I should help him get better. He sometimes said it was my fault he was mentally ill. Was I right or wrong to admit I couldn't cope with his stuff and break up with him?

Answer 1

Hell no !!!!
Out the door sucker !!!!
You did the right thing !!!

Answer 2

I'm not sure if breaking up with him is the first action I would have taken, but ultimately, YES, if you can't handle it, you can't handle it and you need to take care of your own oxygen mask before aiding others, as it were.

Ultimately, it sounds like his release was premature and he would have ended up in the more or less the same position with or without you. He failed to keep up with treatment and/or the drugs. It maybe that there were other resources in play that should have helped but didn't, but there is no way in hell that the medical community would have expected a girl friend to come along and keep everything held together.

You are off the hook.

Completely.

You might inform his doctors that something went amiss, but other than that ... keep your own ship floating first.

How many mangled analogies do you want in one answer?

Answer 3

wow, that's a difficult situation. I think you did the right thing, it isn't your fault. I know a woman who was married to a man who she loved very much, but he was in an accident and became mentally disabled. It was a very hard time for her, but they got a divorce because she knew it wasn't fair for either of them. She still is good friends with him and her and her new husband visit him every week. The point I'm trying to get at is that it isn't fair for you to be in a relationship with a mentally ill person. You need a man that is stable and can be there for you, the respect needs to be mutual. Obviously this man didn't respect himself or you. You did the right thing.

Answer 4

You were not only right but very wise to end the relationship. When one is around a sick person, one runs the risk of becoming sick as well.

I wish you well and I do hope he gets the help he needs. A lot of people manage mental illness very well and are quite productive people as well as good mates. This fellow, however, has not yet learned that he was not responsible for his illness but he IS responsible for his recovery. He does need help but it was unfair to expect you to be his savior simply because you were in a relationship with him.

Good luck.

Peace.

Answer 5

Depression is a terrible disorder both for the person with it and for the people involved with them. If you know yourself well enough to know you couldn't cope with this, then it's good you made the choice you did. The fact that this guy knew you all of 3 weeks and expected you to solve all his problems is just one indication of the irrationality that can come from bipolar and manic personalities. Tell him to continue with his treatments and move on.

Answer 6

Maybe he needs to go back in the mental hospital. 3 weeks isn't long enough of a time to feel the need to stay with someone with conditions of what you speak of. Lets say you had been together for 3 years and he just started to experience these problems, then maybe you should stay if you loved him. But 3 weeks, heck no. This is his problem, not yours, and if you don't feel comfortable enough to stay with him, then leave. Its not your fault and you have no reason to feel guilty.

Answer 7

You can't fix someone. They can only fix themselves. You don't go into a relationship with someone with that kind of bagage because it is just going to drag you down. If it had been a long term relationship before this started then maybe it would have been a different story, but you made the right choice.

Answer 8

I find it disturbing after 3 weeks you found out he couldn't have an erection.....that aside, i would definitely get a restraining order now the dude knows where you live....I am so serious about that one. He doesn't sound like he has much to offer you...Run for the hills girl.

Answer 9

WOW!

You are on the ball! Good for you for bailing out as soon as you saw the problem.

His mental illness is his problem. You have no obligation to him and don't let him guilt you into thinking you do.

Hanging with this character would result in a miserable existence for you.

Avoid this guy.

Good luck

Answer 10

You did him a favor... you assessed the situation and decided it was something you didn't want to deal with, and were up front about it. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's rather nervy to expect so much from someone after such a short period of time. You did the right thing, don't let him lay his hang ups on you. It's up to each of us to take care of ourselves first and foremost (if we don't, how can we take care of anyone else). So, you tell him you're taking care of you... maybe he should try it for a change.

Answer 11

You are 100% right in breaking up with him. Being in a relationship should be with someone who you want and enjoy being with. This man was not either of those. You are not at all wrong to say you couldnt cope.