ABUSIVE PARENT. Thank You?

Question

my friends mom is abused by her hubby. i have never seen this happen but beleive my friend completely. I dont know if anyone knows about this, and i know that my friend and her siblings could become victoms of this abuse. My sister says i should just but out but i dont knoww if my friend told me this information because she WANTED me to tell someone about this. I dopnt know what i should do. Please Help me.

Answer 1

BUTTON AND TODD- Abuse IS Abuse...there's no "I'm sort of being abused" like there's no "I'm sort of pregnant"

LOST GIRL- You should be very proud of yourself for not listening when someone told you to 'butt out' when it comes to people being abused. Your friend told you because she trusts you, and she is hoping that you can help her.

She would not have told you, unless she wanted help. Subconsciously she believes that you are strong, and trustworthy, and will be able to figure out how you can help her (ie-telling your parent, or a teacher, counselor at school ect).

People say all the time "DO NOT TELL ANYONE" and then tell their friend/someone they know, about abuse because subconsciously they are in dire need of some support and help.

I think your gut feeling/your intuition is correct, and that your friend told you because she wants you to help her, so don't listen to your sister, listen to your intuition and decide who you feel most comfortable talking to about this (parent, teacher ect).

You don't need to tell your friend that you are reporting it, as reporting abuse of any sort is anonymous (a teacher, parent ect would do the reporting to protection services, or the police ect and your name will NOT be used so please don't worry).

It is sad that some people in our society still believe that 'what happens in the home should stay in the home'. We as fellow human beings need to look after one another, to care for, and protect. You will feel much more at peace if you let someone know-because then it will be up to the adults/professionals to make sure that your friend and her family are safe and unharmed.

You could also suggest to your friend that she go and speak to a counselor at school. If you feel comfortable-offer to go with her while she talks to an adult about what is going on.

Depending on how old you are, and where you live, there are laws that say that if an adult knows of or hears about a child being abused, legally, they must report it to the police/social services.

Here is a bit more help:

The kids helpline in Canada 1-800-668-6868 http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/

In the USA: Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
http://www.girlsandboystown.org/hotline/index.asp

If you need more help, please feel free to send me a private message.

Answer 2

The average woman will not leave an abusive relationship until it has gotten to critical mass and she is bolting from the house in fear of losing her life. This is unfortunately normal. What keeps them in it for so long is the "honeymoon" make-up period in between beatings.

Your friend's mom needs to make the acquaintance of the local women's shelter... counseling, shelter and legal services... and haul the kids with her when she goes.

If the abuse escalates beyond that to include the kids, they need to call Child Advocates or Children's Protective Services. The other thing your friend might do is put a really good lock on her bedroom door and keep a low profile.

YOU need to stay away from there. You don't want the nutcase to show up on your family's porch. You might be able to take your friend in on some nights just to get her out of that environment.

Answer 3

Tuff situation. Reporting it could make things worse for your friend and her family or it could keep them out of danger.

Domestic violence is never right, but sadly it happens. It may be just a slap every now and again or more serious like daily or severe abuse. If it's a slap every now and again, then stay out of it. Your friend's mother has chosen to live that way and if he is not abusing your friend then it is the mother's burden to bear although your friend should not have to grow up like this. If it is more serious...

Chances are your friend wanted your strict confidentiality. When the time is right, bring it up with her again and ask if she is afraid for her family or if she has thought about reporting it. That'll give you the answer you need to know. Maybe you can offer to let her stay with you a little more and maybe cue your parents in on what is going on so that they will let her come over more.

Answer 4

Don't worry about it. I know I may sound harsh, but after all it is your friends parents. But should this ever threaten your relationship between you and your friend, then you should begin to worry. If your friend becomes abused and needs help, tell her to call 1-800-422-4453. That is the number for the ChildHelp national abuse hotline.

Answer 5

Talk to your guidance counselor or an adult whom you trust. There are many online websites which deal with this kind of thing. Tell your friend to ask her mom to see if it would be ok to call these people or email (whatever they tell you to do) them the next time this happens.

Answer 6

Go tell a teacher or guidance counsellor that you trust, or another adult you trust. This is WAY too big for you to handle on your own, give it to an adult who can take care of it, and do it right away.

Answer 7

Yes, I agree with Julia; this is far too important for you to decide on your own...tell an adult right away. You might be saving her life.

Answer 8

i think it depends how much abuse and to what degree is going on, tell a trusted adult.

Answer 9

TELL HER TO CALL THE COPS NEXT TIME BUT TO STAY ANONYMOUS WITH THE CALL