what to do about a competitive sister-in-law?

Question

My sister-in-law does this thing where if my kid(s) do something hers has to do it to & better. My sons aren't very sporty but her boys like to play sports & do moto-cross, I won't let them race because I know how dangerous the sport is (just this summer a kid was almost killed during a moto-cross race), she claims her boys know how to ride so something like that won't happen.Our kids go to a inner-city school (in her words theres nothing but druggies & losers in that school & hers go to a school that is in a better neighborhood but they are in the same school district. We bought a new car she went out & bought a new car too. We where trying for a baby she got pregnant too. We get something new she has to go get something simalar only better. I just put my daughter into ballet so now she wants her daughter to be in dance too but something more up-beat & not as boring as ballet. all this doesn't bother me & I know that she (her household) isn't any better mine it just gets annoying.

Member since: July 07, 2006
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Blue_Bee
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"what to do...," "all this doesn't bother me,"

Me asking "what to do" does not meant that I'm bothered it means I AM ANNOYED.

would love to keep her out of the loop but that means either telling everyone in the family to keep "mum" about the going on's in our life or just not share anything that we take pleasure in with the rest of the family. & if we can't sure then that would be no fun. :-(

Answer 1

"what to do...," "all this doesn't bother me,"

Yeah it does. She may be competitive, but your the one who has the problem. Ignore her. She's her own worst punishment - after all, she has to be her all day long, every single day of her life. Can you image how miserable and exhausted she must be having to "keep up with the Jones'" every second and not being happy and content with who SHE is?

On another note, I'm sorry you won't let your boys and/or girls do moto-cross. Its a great sport. Life is dangerous, thats no reason not to live it.

Answer 2

There is really nothing you can do. The real question is if it doesn't bother you then why do you feel annoyed. I can understand that your SIL's behavior is childish but you shouldn't feel bothered by it. Your SIL has an inferiority complex because she is jealous of you and your family; you can;t change that mentality.

The best thing for you to do is to focus on your family. Limit your interactions with her; if she wants to discuss her plans change the subject or say that you have to take care of something. Taking that focus away from her is the best course of action. If she can't brag about it to you, it will irritate her to no end. If by chance you can't get out of talking to her, after she has done her boasting just tell her "Well good for you", as if she was some special ed kid. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

She's not competitive its call envy. She wants the attention to herself. You are not alone here..My sister is going thru exact the same thing. Yes it does get annoying but what can you do. Its a good thing you don't live in the same house. Just try to avoid her as much as possible. See her on family gatherings and limit your conversation with her like once a month. There's really no point of getting annoyed coz you're the one who's suffering. Maybe you could also stop sharing too much info about your family's lifestyle.

Answer 4

It obviously does bother you or you wouldn't be posting.

That said, your sister is a sad and unhappy person who has to play one-up-man-ship with her brother - and vicariously with you and your kids.

Don't play into it. When she brags about her this or that or her children's accomplishments, say "Well, now isn't that nice. What a lovely new car. I'm so happy Donny won the race. And Clyde got a promotion? Well, how nice for you all! I'll bet you're so proud of his accomplishments!"

Never, ever say one word of demeaning nature to her. Just tell her how nice she has it etc.etc. etc.

And when Clyde leaves her for a much nicer woman and Donny gets his girlfriend pregnant and Cindi runs off to San Francisco with the vicar's wife, say nothing at all.

Old saying: It is a far, far better thing to keep quiet and have others think you a fool - than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Another old saying - it takes two to tangle - er I mean tango.

Don't play into her little game. It's beneath you.

Answer 5

I agree with evelyn. My sister-n-law is a lot like what you discribed yours to be accept that I wasn't a friend or roomate of hers before. She's been cold since the day I met her. She only talks about herself, never asks me or my husband about anything we may do and doesnt acknowledge anything we do or congratulate us. My husband's brother also acts this way. They have not been to our house since we moved here over 2 years ago. It sucks because I would love to have a sister-n-law that I could have fun around. My friend who is getting married this weeked has the best sister-n-law, she seems so nice. We only see the "inlaws" once or twice a year at holidays and pretend to like one another. So sad.

Answer 6

Jeez, sister-in-law problems come in all shapes and sizes. My Irish wife can't stand my b*tchy big sister! Fortunately, we live on opposite sides of the country. It doesn't sound like you're so lucky. And that does sound like it would be really, really annoying! You might just have to block it all out. Hopefully the kids all get along. The fact of the matter is everyone has to do their own thing. Focus on what your kids are passionate about. It sounds like you're a great mom with great care & taste for your children.

Answer 7

Try not to think negatively about it. It obviously means that she likes the way you do things. Try to take it as a compliment. Stop telling her what you are doing though if it is bothering you that bad. Copying someone is one of the ultimate compliments (though very annoying), and it shows that she wants to be like you but she does have her own opinions so she tries to put her own style into it, making it look like she is trying to out-do you. Hope that helps. I have been there, and saying something to them only creates hurt feelings.

Answer 8

Stop telling her all your business. She can't one-up you if she doesn't know what you're doing. She's insecure and feels if she can keep pace with you and somehow go beyond, then she's a better person. Just know that it's her thing, not yours. Be the best person, mom, wife you can be and when she asks what's new say "not much, what's new with you" Then you can choose to comment on what she says instead of the other way around.

Answer 9

Ignore the silly cow. If you let her antagonize you, she will have won. Just ignore her & she'll get the message.
Dream up something far beyond her financial means, tell her that this is something your family has been planning for years.
And when she tells you that she's going to do it. Just look at her, Smile and say, " I lied."
Then go on with your life & like I said ignore the silly COW.

Answer 10

That has to be completely annoying! I would start offering up ridiculous ideas and see if she runs with them. That would turn the situation from annoying to funny in a heartbeat. Some ideas: you are taking yodelling (sp?) lessons, are selling your car and using a little red wagon for errands, painting your driveway safety green, pulling up all plants and switching to plastic to save water, boycotting commercial underarm deoderant, etc. Just toss ideas out there and see what crazy stuff she does in reaction. Might be funny. Lol. good-luck.