I am fighting to adopt my 3 year old niece because she is not in a safe inviroment. She only sees her mother a few times a year and when she does her mom brings a guy over and he verbally and/or phiscally abuses my niece.
My sister is going to jail because she didn't report the abuse and sometimes would abuse her daughter too. I am winning so far with the help of my fiance and his brother that's a lawyer, but I was wondering, if I win permanet custody of my niece, how should I treat her?
I know I should be loving and kind and since I'm adopting her I'll be sort-of her mother, but if she brings up her mom should I talk about it or shove it aside and cange the subject?
2007-09-14 05:44:07 · 20 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
I am already a mommy of 2 and am caring for my 13 year old niece and am marrying a guy with 5 kids in June. But we are financally married.
2007-09-14 06:00:19 · update #1
You should never deny her of knowing about her mother no matter how awful she is. Always make sure she knows good things about her mother and how much her mommy loved her. Just let her know that her mommy wasnt able to care for her at this time and thats why she is with you. Always let her know how much everyone loves her! Good luck!
2007-09-14 05:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by Liz B 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you adopt her you will be her mother... not sort of. She will eventually call you mom and you can always explain that she has 2 mommies. Her birth mommy could not care for her so you became her mommy too. Treat her like a daughter especially since she is only 3. She will need a mother and the bond that comes along with it.
2007-09-14 12:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should talk to her alot and talk to her about how she feel.Yes she is only 3 but their are ways to talk to her so she can deal with what she has been through and come out of it okay. Accepting the past and learning to deal with tough situation in a healthy way is what you should be focused on. Let her know how safe she is now and that what happened to her wont happen again you have to start building trust and respect for each other if you are going to be her main care giver. You not kinda going to be her mother you ARE going to be her mother. This is a big responsibility that you are taking on I hope you understand what you are doing and are emotionally/mentally ready for the things that you will have to deal with.
2007-09-14 12:50:58 · answer #3 · answered by MYAB 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you adopt her you wont be "sort of her mother" you will be her mother and you need to treat her like a daughter. If she asks about her mother you should answer her questions with an age appropriate answer, changing the subject will just make her suspicious and more curious. Good luck on the case.
2007-09-14 12:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by tan0301 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of COURSE you should talk about her mother if she asks! Just make sure it's done in a gentle way with the emphasis being that there was nothing in the world that she did to create the situation that her mother is in.
If I were oyu, I'd kind of have a party line of, "your mother loves you so, so much but some people son't act the way mothers should act. I am so lucky because I love you so much and I want nothing more than to love you and care for you everyday"
I dunno. Something like that. I hope it all works out for you-
DN
2007-09-14 12:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by Dalice Nelson 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No because she will only be bitter with you when she is older. No matter what, her mother will always be her mother so you should talk about her. Don't be mean about her, and if she asks what happened etc, then gloss over the gory details. When she is old enough to understand you can tell her the truth (i'm talking teeneager or older) but until then I wouldn't put that burdon on her.
2007-09-14 13:00:25 · answer #6 · answered by becccy231278 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and open....my 4 & 6 year old sister's dad hung himself in jail (there for sexual abuse of my 16 yr old sister, his step daughter). It was the HARDEST thing in the world to tell them, but it had turned out the best choice (its been 2 years). We were honest and didn't use terms like: there was an accident....we told them it was his choice. I think writer DN had a good way of puting it! Ultimately, it's going to be dificult...stay strong and bless you for taking this on! You and your fiance are really amazing people! CONGRATS on your new little girl! :)
2007-09-14 12:53:10 · answer #7 · answered by Aus J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. If you lie to her, she will know or will someday find out, and you will lose credibility. If you treat her as a mature person, she will realize that is the way that you see her, and she will probably respect you more.
Also, after she asks you about her mother a few times, she will probably have her curiosity satisfied. The questions will probably taper off until she is no longer really interested.
What you need to think about is what will happen when your sister gets out of jail. Please think about that. If you need to get a restraining order or no contact order, please tell the attorneys.
2007-09-14 13:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just treat her like you would want to be treated. and tell her you wern't trying to take her from her mother but you were trying to pretect her. love her like you should. just let her know that her mother loves her but that she just needs the time to get her life together. the lord will answer prayers so pray. you are doing the best thing for her that you can. atleast she will be with family that loves her and maybe not be afraid to ask about her mother. just tell her the truth and never lie to make yourself look like the good guy.
2007-09-14 12:59:16 · answer #9 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not "sort of be her mother" you will be her mother. Don't treat her any differently then you would your biological children.
She is three, so her memories of her biological mom will be very faint as she gets older...when she asks questions, just answer as honestly and as openly as you can, in a way that she can understand at whatever age she is.
2007-09-14 13:25:56 · answer #10 · answered by Morgaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋