Sexual abuse history, where to go from here?

Question

My boyfriend recently confided in me that he had several instances of sexual abuse in his past, mainly one which happened repeatedly over several years was by his own Uncle. I think that these instances has severely affected his self-esteem, body image issues, depression, and anxiety. He is also under the impression that all of this was his fault. He has agreed to see a therapist but is there anything else we can do? Should he tell his parents about this now that he is 29 years old (he never told them when he was a child). I mean for all we know his Uncle could be doing this to his own children now. I feel so heartbroken for him, anybody deal with anything similiar to this before?

Answer 1

Therapy is the best, perhaps only, way for him to truly get beyond what happened so that it doesn't run his life. He should look for a therapist trained in trauma and one that he respects right off and has a sense that he can grow to trust. The relationship between him and the therapist is the single most important aspect of therapy. If trust can't grow, it won't be so effective. When he is ready to tell, he will. Don't pressure him. He knows his uncle has kids, so that will be a driver in his decision and most likely mean he tells sooner rather than later or not at all. BUT that decision is his to make. What you can do is be supportive and understanding. Listen when he wants or needs to talk, but don't pressure him to do so. What happens in therapy is privledged. He'll share what he's comfortable sharing when he's comfortable sharing it. What's not, you'll need to accept as not a reflection on your relationship. It's just the way it is.

Answer 2

This is a very common problem (unfortunately) and your boyfriend should be praised for going to counseling. Make sure the counselor is someone with expertise and training in these issues... not every therapist can work in this field.

Also, he might want to check out some books on men who have been abused, you can get them on amazon. Depending on what he likes to read: Victims No Longer (Mike Lew) and The Courage to Heal (Ellen Bass) - this last one was originally for women, but has been updated to include men. He can read reviews on amazon, which is a good thing.

In regards to the parents thing - the most important thing is helping your boyfriend establish a sense of control around this issue. Let him do it if/when he's ready.

Good luck to your boyfriend. He is very brave!!!

Answer 3

www.malesurvivor.org is a great resource.

there is a discussion board where he can learn he is really not alone and there is even a friends and family section there for you as well.

There is a great article to help him find the right therapist:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer1.html

And when he really gets into his healing he can attend a Weekend of Recovery:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/weekends-of-recovery.html

Yes Mike Lew's Victims No Longer is the bible for male survivors, you can find it here along with many others:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/bookstore.html

This is not his fault and what he is feeling, although painful, is normal. I've been through it and I thought I would never be happy or able to have a normal relationship but now I'm the happiest person I know.

Sticking with a survivor through recovery is not easy, however, if you do stick with him he will come out even better then the person you fell in love with in the first place.

And if I can do it, anyone can:

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-ZWrRuQQybrR.L6aI2fCRgwXoOmvYOg--;_ylt=AmxaSJ1YuMRGTESrkH191X.qAOJ3?cq=1

Answer 4

I have run into several instances of this particular problem, very recently. Some having carried the burden for 40 years or more. The depression is substantial and the lack of confidence is almost total in its devastation. So far, they seem to have a rapid recovery rate and have gotten a new lease on life. Indicating there is hope for others. Some of them having been under therapy for extended periods of time. Years in some instances.

Accomplished without medicaiton.

Answer 5

ask him if you can go to the therapist with him, or offer to. He might really like that, but don't push it on him...you need to really impress on him, that he was a victim, and the hell with his uncle, and that the uncle should be behind bars..tell him he is quite the man..and that you are sure the therapy will prove that to him..and you are right,..the Uncle might just be doing this to his own, and tell your bf that...and tell him, not to feel guilty, that is what most victims are made to feel like..and that now, he has the chance to stop it for the other ones, but he must start talking. God Bless through Jesus

Answer 6

For an exceedingly constrained style of human beings it could impression their determination of who they take part in activities with. regardless of the undeniable fact that it does no longer replace their sexual orientation. Sexual abuse would not replace who you're... it purely impacts the way you respond to circumstances. I volunteer at a rape restoration midsection and various the folk have continually been and stay heterosexuals regardless of their reviews. additionally comparable intercourse sexual abuse additionally happens and it would not make us any straighter if it occurs. I even have in no way been sexually abused and that i'm a lesbian.

Answer 7

No, there is nothing else you can do. Be supportive and praise him for going to therapy. Therapy is very importnat in these cases. Expect the therapy to be a longer treatment. His case need a long time to heal or at least to get better.

Answer 8

I spent many years in therapy getting past the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my own father......it takes therapy, time and probably some antidepressant medications would help alot.
I also found a program created by a genius, that teaches you how to get rid of the negative emotional baggage that inevitably attaches itself to your memories.

http://www.geocities.com/the_inner_search

it did help me a great deal, it might help him.