my now ex bf said he couldn't be in a serious relationship right now cause it was too hard for him due to the fact that he has a one year old daughter. we were together for 3 months...why is is so hard to be in a serious relationship when you have a child?
2007-09-14 05:20:38 · 12 answers · asked by hannah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he had plenty of time to raise his kid... i even helped him with it... me and his daughter got so close she even started calling me mom
2007-09-14 05:21:21 · update #1
he never said it was because of his daughter... he said it didn't have anything to do with me..that i didn't do anything wrong... he said he just needed some time to his self..
2007-09-14 05:27:43 · update #2
Your BF has his priorities in order. When a single father with custody is dating, he has the following order of priorities: 1) My child's health 2) My child's happiness 3) My health 4) My happiness.
That means that finding a woman is at least #4 on his list. Furthermore, once he has a relationship, 3 and 4 get taken by his significant other. So his health and happiness drops to 5 and 6. That's a lot of pressure trying to provide for 3 people like that. It's no wonder that many single fathers don't remarry until after their children have grown and they no longer have to worry about providing.
2007-09-14 05:25:16 · answer #1 · answered by Takfam 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He isn't using that as an excuse if the little girl is only one year old then the relationship obviously didn't end to long ago. He needs time to get single again before he is ready for a serious relationship especially if the break up was very rough. He is also trying to protect his daughter from getting attached to someone else which is very respectable. Her calling you mom could have bothered him since you are not her mother and it might confuse her since she is so young.
I am currently casually dating a single father of 4 I love him very much we have been best friends for 4 years and I saw how his ex wife treated him. I am completely ok with not having a serious relationship with him because I understand what he is going through. Just be paitent if he really cares about you and wants to be with you he will let you know when he is ready. Give him the space he needs and be his friend until he is ready. That will mean a lot to him.
2007-09-14 05:32:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only three months? Since it is really too early for you to know if the relationship is going to work or not, he might have been a little concerned that his daughter is getting so attached to you that she is calling you "mommy". Who knows if you will still be here a year or two from now? He probably thinks that his daughter is too young to handle that.
===edit===
I posted this in another answer, but based on your additional remarks, I thought that it might also apply to your suituation.
Two observations that I would like to make.
No one can be loving all of the time. If the relationship is too intense, then you get tried of it, and you need some time alone to “rest” and recover form all of that intense emotion. The main problem that I see is that one person gets tired of it before the other one does (different people have different endurance levels), and one person pulls away before the other one does. The person who is not yet “tired” starts to panic because the other person is pulling away, so you bug him as to why he needs his alone time. If he is temporarily tired of seeing you, then “bugging” him more about why he wants to be alone simply annoys him. People can’t always explain how they feel or why, so looking for an explanation as to why he is a little tired of seeing you all the time will simply stress him out more (he doesn’t know “why” because he is not a neuroscientist, nor a psychologist). If someone needs space, then give it to him. Leave his alone, and keep yourself busy with other activities and your other friends, and give him his “rest” from his romantic feeling for a weekend or so. No one can take too much emotion for too long without a need for some down time to recover all of that energy that was used up. Love is exhausting.
Several psychologists have made the observation that, in the beginning stages of a relationship at least, seeing someone too often can make either you, or them, or both, take the other person for granted. Once you take it for granted that the other person will always be there when you want him to, then you start to lose attraction for him or her. The reasons are a little complex, but to make a long story short, part of what attracts you to a stranger is the mystery of knowing someone new. Once the mystery and novelty is gone, then boredom stets in. Don’t see anyone too much, or talk to them too often, for the first six months of the relationship to avoid being subconsciously taken for granted (from “Get Anyone to Do Anything” by Dr. David Lieberman).
And a third thing that I would like to add, it is also possible that he is still hurting over his divorce, and he is not ready to make that kind of emotional commitment again, and he just now realized it.
2007-09-14 05:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by Randy G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in a way i think that's kinda sorta true to some extent.. i have children and for 1 i don't like bringing every tom, dick, n harry i meet into my house around my children. #2 i don't want any of my children calling another man dad unless we are married, and i sure as hell better not find out my children r calling someone else Mommy!! #3 Parents 1st priorities r their children and that can cause alot of strain on a new relationship depending on how needy the girlfriend/boyfriend is. #4 you can't always just get up and go anymore and alot of times the non-custodial parent usually have the children on the weekends. #5 both parents are always gonna have a bond and will always need to communicate and spend some time together regarding their children and the boy/girlfriend might get jealous. #6 the girlfriend/boyfriend usually doesn't know when to not but in the relationship of the parents concerning the child.
2007-09-14 05:30:47 · answer #4 · answered by Queen D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If his daughter is only One year old he may still have feelings for his ex.
or
He may not want to get right into a relationship so soon after ending the 1st one and he wants to deal with the relationship with with his daughter and the ex before committing to a new one.
or
he's just not into you, 3 months is long enough to find out how a person is and maybe you just weren't his type.
2007-09-14 05:29:35 · answer #5 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's because he has to focus all his energy on his 1 yr. old daughter. Self-esteem might be a big part of it, because most girls won't seriously date a guy with kids, however, they would want a guy to date them exclusively while having more than one kid. There also might be some drama between the real mother and the father you might not be aware of yet. Sometimes good things don't last long if you know what I mean, it is what it is......Good luck in the future.
2007-09-14 05:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by 00silky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a man it is hard at first to raise a child alone. i was raising my son up alone and it was hard. the reason it is hard to be in a relationship because we try to respect the mom enough to not bring no other woman around the child. we try to respect the mom. but after a while we start thinking about us, man and child, not the mother. once we get to that stage then we can open up to dating. but we don't want to bring a lot of women around. when we find one we do like, and like us for us, and takes me in with a child then we can all open up. so the main reason, is to respect the birth mother, until the birth mother does not care what you do. we don't use are child as an excuse to not date. men take their job to their child very serious, those single fathers that do care and what to be a father. i applaud him. be his friend, don't leave him hanging. stay around if you truly really like him, and enjoy him. bd
2007-09-14 05:26:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Either there is more to it or he is smart, knowing that all his extra time should be with his child who has already been scarred by divorce. I know that Dr Laura says no one who is a single, divorced or widowed parent should date until the children are over 18. Anyway, why dont you look for someone with no children who can give you the attention you deserve. I think you will be thankful in later years that you did.
2007-09-14 05:28:12 · answer #8 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man makes time for something that is important to him. He's blaming his child for his inability to commit to you. I'll bet he doesn't blame his child when it's time for you to meet his intimacy needs. He isn't wanting to commit to you. It's time to find another guy.
2007-09-14 05:27:19 · answer #9 · answered by Kyle 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It could be i guess but my dad and mom both had kids before they met.
2007-09-14 05:24:02 · answer #10 · answered by ben t 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋