My dad suffers from depression and and my mom is going to leave him because of his illness...?

Question

me and my mom are going to move to another city and leave my dad because my mom is tired of trying in any way possible to help my dad get better but it seems like he just gave up and my dad is constantly saying that he just wants to die and he hides knifes around the house, im terrefied of him doing something to himself what can I do to help him? he lost his job a month ago and just sits in the couch looking down all the time and he doesent talk to anyone...

Answer 1

I'm sorry honey, there is not a thing you can do to help your dad. He has to want help, and if he wants help, he would get it. Your mom could have him committed to a mental hospital for evaluation and treatment, but that has only a limited effectiveness. Basically, he has to want to help himself, and if he won't there is precious little anyone else can do for him.
Just know that this is not your fault, you did not do anything to deserve this from your dad.

Answer 2

I can relate since my dad has clinical depression, and my mom left him when I was 8 about eight years ago. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. It's very hard and I think since he's an adult and I am assuming you're a child (under 18 maybe?) then there's nothing you can do but tell him to get help and get on medication. Otherwise he has to figure things out for himself. If you feel bothered or saddened by this you might want to have your mom find family counseling for it, I'm sure your mom is having a rough time too. I hope things work out OK for your family.
♥

Answer 3

Sit down and talk to him. Ask him to see a doctor (or a psychiatrist if he's already seen a doctor), tell him you love him, explain how much it hurts you to see him like this, and how much it'd hurt you if he hurt himself. Honestly, that's about all you can do. He's in a horrible place, his thinking is clouded, and he has to want to seek help for himself. You can't make him do that no matter how hard you try. Also know that what he's going thru has absolutely nothing to do with how he feels about you. Depression can be all consuming and take over a person's perspective and certainly feelings. It's not a reflection on how important you are to him. It's about the illness.

Answer 4

Well, there is something that can be done if he seems to be a danger to himself or others. I think hiding knives all around the house would qualify. Why don't you suggest to your mom to call your local Health Dept. and explain the situation to them. Maybe there is something they can do to intervene. There are a myriad of antidepressants/mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics that are out there that would possibly work for your dad. He really needs help badly...see what you can do by talking to your mom. If that doesn't work maybe try your school counselor. I'm really sorry, I know it's awful to watch your dad go through that. Good luck to you Sweety.

Answer 5

I'M sorry to say this...but your dad has to want help,he needs to be on medication,maybe you and ya mom should have a family talk about putting him in a hospital that can help him ...my dad has depression ,bipolar, and he also wants too die..let me tell you my mom ran from this when me and my little brother turned 18 ...but now she realize that their is no running.. because it was passed down to us, we suffer from the same things that we saw him go threw...but we are on medication we wanted help..what I'm trying to say is your mom might end up facing the problem with you or another one of you siblings...which i hope never happens...but it can be passed down,please don't give up on him ,he is sick...

Answer 6

I left my husband after dealing with his manic depression for years. It was such a hard decision but I just didn't have any sort of life and was just tired of it all! Your mom has most likely tried to help in every way possible. Maybe once you both leave he will realize he is on his own and get his s$#t together. My ex husband now has a girl friend with two kids, a great job, and is very happy. I think my leaving helped because once I left he knew he had to start relying on himself and not me.

Answer 7

well, leaving him won't solve anything...I think your mom needs to find a support group, to help her..but if your daddy has knives around the house, and is threatening to kill himself, your mom can call the police, and have him picked up and observed for three days at a county mental hospital...I would tell her to call the police about the knives and see what they say, he might not like it, but he would get some medical help he needs, and maybe some medication and finances to help him..tell your mom now is not the time to kick him, and you let him know how much you love him and how destroyed you would be if anything happended to him,..he needs you all right now, and ask God through Jesus to give you strength, and to help your dad

Answer 8

Even if she doesnt know it, your mom actually understood the whole situation: you cannot help anybody with depression other than suggesting therapy. There is no way in the world you personally can do something. Depression is a serious condition and no mater how much you love somebody, you cannot do anything. Doctors can, not just drugs, but psychotherapy.

Answer 9

Your concern is understandable, consider calling and talking to the hospital social worker or Emergency Room nurse. Because your dad is a danger to himself, and possibly to you, they can arrange for a Mental Health Assessment. From the results of that assessment he may go to the hospital psych ward for a few days to be treated, and for his own safety.

Your mom seems to know within herself that something needs to change, for everyone's safety, and that it is not in her power to change your dad's depression. It is up to him.

Answer 10

I know that it is very hard dealing with someone that has depression. But depression is like alcoholism or any other addictive problem--you have to WANT to get better in order for the various things to do for you to gain help CAN help you. There isn't a "magick pill" that will simply cause the issues to go away.

If your Mom has tried everything she can to help and your Dad is invested so much in his illness that he won't (not can't, WON'T) see the light for himself and reasons in his life to live--then even if you were right there with him every single moment, it wouldn't help. A person can will themselves to die--with or without knives or weapons. Perhaps your Mom simply can't stand the prospect of watching a man she's loved slowly kill himself on purpose. I can understand that position.

But I also know you want ways to help your Dad. So, perhaps you need to talk to your Dad and let him know how important he is to your life. Even if you're not with him, hearing that he's WORTH having around to YOU, even if he isn't to himself...might give him something other than himself to focus on. Further, if you get the chance--you might wish to gently point out to your Dad that his thought patterns are pretty damn selfish and that he needs to think outside himself and his pain to find the reasons to live.

Every human being suffers... its how we learn, unfortunately. So your Dad needs to find the fact that he still has things to accomplish and live for--but HE needs to find them, not just you. Sitting on his back side won't help him find solutions. I understand being tired, angry, frustrated, depressed (I've suffered depression myself since I was in my teens--its genetic in my family)... HOWEVER... it is a totally selfish thought pattern, depression is... and learning to step outside yourself can truly be what saves your life. So... work on trying to teach your Dad to get out of his own head.

Ask him to go on walks with you (while you can)... Ask him to take vitamins (nutrition is often a serious component of depression and lack of good nutrition is one factor that can easily be turned around--especially B Complex, Magnesium, Zinc & Calcium)...Ask him to keep trying to find new work (obviously he has alot of his personal "success" tied up in his ability to "feed" and "support" his family) and help him see that MONEY isn't the only kind of support his family needs to see from him--he's more than a paycheck. Get him re-involved with his spirituality if he's been a religious man in the past...sometimes losing that connection with Higher Power is part of a depressive's issues--feeling disconnected and unnecessary to the world's general function. That is where those feelings of "the world would be better off without me" start. Remind him that if the Universe was truly "done" with him being here, God would already have taken him outta the game--so even if he doesn't see it, there is a reason for him to be here still. These are beginning steps of realization that might help.

You might also want to call a Teen Crisis line--they might have mental health supports for you and/or your father to check out to gain more direct help.

I understand (intimately) your dilema and I empathize. I wish I could tell you there is an easy fix. Unfortunately, I don't lie. Depression isn't easy to solve... but it IS something that CAN be solved--if your Dad finds the motivation he needs. You can help him find that motivation--if he'll let you. But your Mom has obviously tried and she's reached the end of her coping rope. So, just try to continue being supportive to both your parents and remember--its NOT.... YOUR.... fault. So don't take the blame onto yourself...that won't help. Good luck!