GUYS -- Why do guys freak out when the relationship is going really well?

Question

You're dating a woman you REALLY like. In fact, you both really like each other. Everything's going great. Each date better than the one before. A healthy deeper connection/friendship is developing. Both of you are really enjoy the interaction. You seek out each other's company. The chemistry on all levels is amazing. It's toally natural. People around you notice how happy you both are. Then unprovoked by anything she's done part of you inside emotionally withdraws, even while outwardly you're still treating her like a queen, calling her everyday, continuing to spend time together, making plans, etc. Why? Why do you get scared like that? What's going on and what should she make of it?

Anything she can do to help/be supportive?

Note that we have been affectionate and romantic, but we have not slept together yet.

Answer 1

They do that because they're falling deeper, than they want to. They don't want to hurt u, but they don't want things to go further for whatever reason either. Ur a cool person, they feel, but ur just not the one for them. So they withdraw, in hpes that u'll call it quits, because that lets them off the hook. But most girls don't realize this is what's going on, and they try to be supportive, and think that whatever hump the guy is in, he'll get over with her help. Then....out of nowhere....boom! He calls it quits, because he is hurting a bit by this, and knows if it continues, he'll only get hurt more. He knows she's hurting too, but right now, only his matters..because see, atleast she can cry to numb the pain(but he'd rather not see that), but he's gotta be strong.

There's nothing she can do. Ask him what's up. If he won't say anything, give it just a little more time(two weeks or so), then call it quits if it's still the same. It's always harder for the one receiving the break, because more often than not, they don't know it's coming. I mean, there was this one guy i knew, he was distraut because he broke up with a girl he was falling for. HE had no intentions of going any further than a dating relationship, so he let her go. But he did say, I knew I should've let her go sooner, but I didn't. See, he had it in his mind then, but he wasn't ready to separate from her yet. And then when he was, and had enough strength to put his feelings for her aside....he let her go. He was distraught, but he knew nothing good could come of it if he went fwd, because it would end in a break anyway.

Answer 2

In this situation, the girl needs to be willing to lean back a little. Being able to function independently of a female is written in a male's biology, and can't be changed. Every once in a while, a guy (even married ones) realizes he's leaned in a little too far to feel like that independent streak is still there, and will need time to recover (e.g. the proverbial fishing trip or hunting trip)

It doesn't mean disaster for the relationship UNLESS the girl decides to smother him with WHY, WHY, WHY instead of letting him circle back around when he's feeling better.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Two observations that I would like to make.

No one can be loving all of the time. If the relationship is too intense, then you get tried of it, and you need some time alone to “rest” and recover form all of that intense emotion. The main problem that I see is that one person gets tired of it before the other one does (different people have different endurance levels), and one person pulls away before the other one does. The person who is not yet “tired” starts to panic because the other person is pulling away, so you bug him as to why he needs his alone time. If he is temporarily tired of seeing you, then “bugging” him more about why he wants to be alone simply annoys him. People can’t always explain how they feel or why, so looking for an explanation as to why he is a little tired of seeing you all the time will simply stress him out more (he doesn’t know “why” because he is not a neuroscientist, nor a psychologist). If someone needs space, then give it to him. Leave him alone, and keep yourself busy with other activities and your other friends, and give him his “rest” from his romantic feelings for a weekend or so. No one can take too much emotion for too long without a need for some down time to recover all of that energy that was used up. Love is exhausting.

Several psychologists have made the observation that, in the beginning stages of a relationship at least, seeing someone too often can make either you, or them, or both, take the other person for granted. Once you take it for granted that the other person will always be there when you want him to, then you start to lose attraction for him or her. The reasons are a little complex, but to make a long story short, part of what attracts you to a stranger is the mystery of knowing someone new. Once the mystery and novelty is gone, then boredom stets in. Don’t see anyone too much, or talk to them too often, for the first six months of the relationship, to avoid being subconsciously taken for granted. Make sure that you still have your own friends, and your own life, and that you still do somethings apart from each other (from “Get Anyone to Do Anything” by Dr. David Lieberman). You can always talk about your experiences later, so don't think that you are missing anything by doing some things separately. Keep your own independent life to some extent.

Answer 4

It is our gut instict telling us to run away. She'll change. She'll try to change him. She'll want everything her way. If I'm with her, I'm off the market. What if this really sweet woman starts flirting with me, can I still mess with her?
There are probably 100's of other things that go through our heads. You get the gist though.