Trust...how do you not let it become an issue in your relationship?

Question

I've been cheated on before so I just naturally think that if my boyfriend is being shady then he must be cheating on me or at least talking to someone else. He has told me before that he has never cheated on anyone before, and I believe him. But, for example, a couple weeks ago he cancelled our date because he wasn't feeling good. I didn't buy it at the time. I just knew he was cheating on me. So what did I do? I drove by his house and he was home (both times I drove by). There weren't any other cars at his house, either.

How do I get those thoughts out of my mind and trust him completely?

Answer 1

There's obviously no magic words or gesture this new boyfriend can say or do that would completely convince you of his fidelity. In your mind right now, he is just another ticking cheaterbomb waiting for his perfect moment to stray. You need to make an active decision: you can either go on being the 20 questions/drive-by girlfriend, or you can take that scary leap of faith and decide to trust him. I'm not saying you need to blindly trust everything he says to you without fail, but learn to distinguish what has now been programmed in your head about men (that they all cheat on you) and what your gut is actually telling you. And in the end if someone IS cheating on you, its not your fault. Having been cheated on before, you realize that there is life after having been cheated on.

Answer 2

Trust is something that is earned! It takes alot of time! I dont know how long your with this guy but if you dont change your thought process you will lose him, you can't have any kind of relationship not even a friendship without trust! If you absolutely cant do anything, i suggest some sort of time table where you do small tests without his knowing and not too often! and not too long! Remember.... the more you test someone the more likely you will get caught! Once time is up! He has either earned your trust and put your worrying to rest. Or leave him and find a guy you can trust. Have you told him or your insecurity? Although guy or girl it is a BIG TURNOFF! I find that girls who just remain friends and dont sleep with a guy and wait and wait and make the guy earn it! Tend not to be cheated on! My girlfriend did it with me after she had the same thing happen to her. I basically got what i like to call the "scenic route"! But i resect her all the more for it! i've seen others who are just too trusting and want to be with a guy and sadly a good portion of guys just want well you know! sorry to say being a guy but not all men are bad! I hope this helps you some! Good luck!

Answer 3

I was cheated on a lot, but never the cheater and,someone once told me along time ago when i first started dating my fiance that "You have to give them a chance, you cant take your last relationships baggage to the new one, and dont waist your time thinking about things that might be happening, because you will only drive yourself crazy and probably push that person you care about further away" Basically you trust them until they give you a reason not to.
My fiance and i have been together 10 1/2 years, we are getting married next year and plan to start a family. We trust and love eachother completely.
If things are going to happen they are going to happen whether you want them to or not. And you cant spend every waking hour worrying about it. It happens it happens and you move on, its called the way of life.
I say spend less time worrying and more time getting to know this person, and enjoy your times together.

Answer 4

I'll tell you from experience that this jealousy issue can ruin a relationship. It's not his fault that you've been cheated on. If he's with you then he cares about and just give him a chance. Guys really don't like insecure girls. Just try and keep your mind off of it. Instead of thinking omg he's lying, think, omg he's sick and offer to bring him soup! =0) But unless he does these shady things all the time I would try and let it go. But yes it DOES take time. It's happened to me too and it's an issue I will deal with for a long time.

Answer 5

You have to be more confident in yourself. The reason you're so jealous is because you're insecure. If he is cheating, so what? You'll dump him and find someone else. Cheaters always get caught. Always. Being preoccupied with the possibility of him cheating gets in the way of your happiness. You can't be a pushover, but at the same time you can't hound someone without evidence. It will drive them away. Just get it in your mind that if he cheats, it's not your fault and you're better off without him. Then move on.

Answer 6

my desires are not a similar anymore, I owned my motor vehicle, had a terrific variety of credit playing cards and now we are on a pension and extremely own virtually no longer something. We had some especially undesirable arguments, as I cherished to make useful the charges have been paid and he's a gambler and thinks that he will pay the charges next time, we struggled like this for around 6 years until eventually i advance into compelled to bypass bankrupt - I have not any babies at 40 4 yet he has 5 and didnt choose anymore, he didnt tell me that on the time, i advance into purely 25, babies advance into the significant purpose in existence, one I have been given the protection of a house etc., yet he didnt choose that, because then i've got had his youngsters stay right here and that they destroy each and every thing, do no longer instruct me any attention, even however, i've got lived right here for 36 years, nursed the two my mothers and fathers even however i'm accompanied and the different 2 siblings couldnt seem to administration it. I raised his eldest by way of his teenage years yet that advance right into a sizable stress as he believed his toddler over me, and that i'm an fairly trouble-free person, yet regrettably, his mom and step father blamed each and every thing on him (at the same time as they have been down on the pub ingesting), whilst something went incorrect, so his organic reaction advance into I didnt do it! i've got self assurance like i've got neglected the boat the place youngsters are in contact or maybe however we are actually not in very a lot of debt (approximately $2K) it nonetheless will advance issues if he has to bypass bypass to the family members that are unfold everywhere in the rustic, i do no longer begrudge him going, after all its family members, yet somewhat attention would be solid, my suggestion to those people who're undesirable is stay on a regular basis, dont sweat the little issues, as they are actually not well worth it! purely be happy with what you have and forget approximately with reference to something. god in no way closes a door devoid of beginning a window! i'm hoping you savor our applicable u . s . and that i choose you goodluck!!!!

Answer 7

i know exactly how you feel. i was married to a man the cheated on me all the time, i was pregnant and in the hospital having the baby and he was out cheating on me. that hurts more than anything. since then i have divorced him and i now have a man that i can trust. it took me a long time to believe anything he said or for me to trust him, he would tell me all the time" please don't make me pay for what he did" and you know what i had to learn that not all men are dogs and there are some good men out there. just take your time and give him a chance he may be the right guy for you. don't make him pay for what a jerk did to you.

Answer 8

I don't know exactly how you rid yourself of distrust but you'd better if you want this relationship to survive. I have told women similar things because it's true: I have to date never cheated on anyone nor do I intend to. One girlfriend in particular had difficulty believing that because of her past experiences. I tried to be as understanding as I could on that point but over time it became tedious and I left her on that basis. People who live honorably do not like constantly defending themselves against accusations of infidelity. Everyone has emotional issues from relationships gone sour, and neary everyone has been mistreated by someone in their past. But if you keep their past treatment of you foremost in your mind, it will be a barrier against someone who is willing to treat you well...consequently, your past gets to mistreat you again (because the new guy won't put up with that for long).

Answer 9

I have major trust issues as well. Mine are not only trusting guys though....its everyone including my family. The people that i have been able to trust the most have all let me down in my life and that's a hard thing to tackle. It's hard to say if you'll ever find full trust in someone unless he is the right one for you. You'll just know that it's him. When you find yourself not questioning whereabouts of him adn what not, it just takes time to build it and find it within yourself. good luck.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel. I've been cheated on and it hurts so much. Its hard to get over. You still have to open your heart and love freely. If you don't, I think it ruins any chances of a good relationship.