She told me last night that sometimes she feels like I don't love her. This is not the first time she has said it but she doesnt say it often, this might be the 3rd time. When i ask her what I do that makes her feel this way she can't explain it, says she does not know, it's just how she feels sometimes. Im a single mom who works full time. I am usually home w/ her by 6pm. We spend a LOT of time together. She helps me cook dinner, we have "game night" on Fri nights & play lots of her board games & v-smile system, we go to the park, drive-in, swimming, zoo, etc & stuff like that on weekends & church on Sunday together. We are both very affectionate, there are always lots of hugs and I love you's going back & forth between us. We have a big family & are all very close and hang out together a lot too. When she told me that it was duing a "I got in trouble in school" story which i did not punish her for since the school took care of it (nothing major). What can I do different/better?
2007-09-14 04:14:42 · 17 answers · asked by Summer Days 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I don't think she was trying to manipulate me but she is VERY sensitive and her feelings get hurt very easy, she is also VERY dramatic (she need to be on stage!) and she did tell me that she was nervous about a quiz she has in school today. This is her first quiz since she was in Kindergarden last year and they never had them. (She just turned 7 last week) Maybe she is stressed?
2007-09-14 06:20:59 · update #1
I would ask what she thinks love is. She might be hearing from kids at school that love is having mom picking you up from school every day. She might be confused. I would also try a little catch phrase that only you and her know, it would make her feel special. That is what my mom did with me over 20 years ago when she was in the same boat. Our expression is:
Mom: Love ya
Kid: Mean it
Mom: See ya
Kid: Bye
It's cheesy, but it worked :) My mom was away for business a lot and my grandmother had to mostly raise me, and even over phone calls we said this at the end. It made me feel special.
Good luck!
2007-09-14 06:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by CaCO3Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like because she got in trouble at school she was afraid you would not love her as much. I think you are doing a wonderful job and sometimes kids just say things they don't mean, and it is just a feeling and is few and far between. Try not to let it hurt and keep on with what you are doing.
I am very supportive of my daughter and also have a good relationship etc. And sometimes I think she thinks I love her because she is good in school, or because I tell her she is pretty. I in no way mean it that way but she interprets it to be I love her because of those things and if she does not get a 100% she is rough on herself.
I have told her many times, I love you because first of all you are my daughter and because you are a good person, kind, considerate. The smart and pretty are just bonuses and it is ok to get less than 100% I dont know where she got that idea, school has always came easy to her and I have never told her she needs to get a 100%.
It is just hard for kids to figure out their feelings and sometimes it is how they feel about themselves. Just reassure her you always love her no matter what.
2007-09-14 05:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, well. Child has learned the art of manipulation and drama-queenness. Sounds like she saw this on a Full-House episode and is using it to gain sympathy when she thinks punishment is possibly on the brink.
She has no explanation because she doesn't know. She's a kid. She's just using it. So, you give her the reasons why she is wrong. Tell her what you shared with us! Say that these are loving things and wonderful things that most people in life don't have; therefore she is loved and there is no doubt about it. Tell her she is wrong. That will put an end to whatever she is pulling. You give her the impression she is love unequivocally and she will believe it.
Try your best to stem off manipulation. It only gets worse as they age. Now it's emotional issues, soon it will be possessions, in HS and college it will be money, and after that it will be reasons why they're too busy to come visit you, then after that it's manipulations on why such and such nursing home is right for you!
Good luck!
2007-09-14 04:28:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 7 year old daughter too. I'm a stay at home mom and practically never leave her side unless she has gone to school...still I get the same thing "You don't love me" or "You're always mean to me".
I guess kids will be kids, but really I think girls have a harder time with this. Their emotions are running wild, they are trying to find their place at school with friends, and are so emotionally self conscious these days (especially with all the shows on tv).
I would absolutely address the issue when she tells you, but really just to make her feel better, I wouldn't take to heart what she is saying. Kids at this age change their mind from one minute to the next anyway.
All we can do is be the best mom we can be, and that means something different to everyone. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job showing her your time and love, taking her to do things and spending quality time together.
Keep up the good work, and realize it's just a phase, you will look back on it one day and laugh!
2007-09-14 04:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by MO 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You seem like your a great parent w/ a great kid. There is some awesome advice here so far and I say that all of it can be usefull. Don't be to quick to think your daughter is manipulitive. If she is you will see it and or hear about it from the teachers at school. I also recomend the book Childrens love launguages by Chapman. It is a great book that will be of great value to you!
Here is another thing to remember, every parent, no matter how hard you try or what kind of resourses you have will fall short in some places. This does NOT mean you are a bad parent! Be sure not to be hard on yourself. Be encouraged and be strong! Your doing great!
The wisest people are those who seek wisdom from other people!
2007-09-14 06:03:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When she asks a silly question, because obviously by what you describe, you love her and spend a lot of time and attention on her, point it out to her. Say, that's the silliest question or statement I've heard ALL DAY. Then point out all the ways that you do show how much you love her.
She's sensitive because you are letting her be that way, and feeding into it....start teaching her practical and rational things. It is 100% silly for her to make that statement. Then go over the practical reasons WHY it's a silly statement.
I have a son who likes to pull these things with me. He's my 'sensitive' child. He comes up with these melo-dramatic statements too, and I've learned that if I handle it with a no-nonsense attitude, it helps to keep the drama out of it.
Good Luck! You sound like a GREAT MOM.
2007-09-14 14:16:42 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's totally normal for kids to feel lonely sometimes. I know that you are doing a great job as a mom, so please, give yourself a pat on the back and relax! Your little girl loves you, and she just is a little insecure sometimes, which is totally normal for her age.
I would check out a book by Gary Chapman called the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES OF CHILDREN. It talks about how different people and different kids feel loved in different ways. It's a great read. It will help you know if your daughter feels more love by being touched, by spending quality time, gifts, words of love, or acts of service... etc... Once you know what makes her feel special (maybe it's words of affirmation--- telling her she's special all the time!) you can make sure to do it all the time!
You know you love your daughter and deep down inside I am sure she does too... she just needs to be shown in a different way!
2007-09-14 04:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I remember telling my mom that, and also telling her I was no more to her than the dog. My mom continued doing things exactly the same as before, no special treatment, and I grew out of it and realized how much better off I was than the dog when I ate the dog food...I didn't have to my mom didn't encourage it I just thought if she was gonna treat me like the dog I would act like the dog...glad I got a delicious dinner my mom made, and why would she make enough for me if she didn't love me and I had already told her I would eat dinner with the dog.
2007-09-14 04:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by Tito 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down face to face and say: "Sweetie I love you more than life it's self and we hang out all the time. I love you and what can I do to fix this? I never want you to think I don't love you."
Listen to her. At the end of this give her a big hug and say "I will not and can not stop loving you." When I was her age my mom used to play that song for me that goes "And I can't stop loving you, no I won't stop loving you, why should I?" I suggest you play that for her. I don't know the song's name but if you ask around I'm sure you can find it.
Good luck and god bless.
~Taylor
2007-09-14 08:31:56 · answer #9 · answered by Jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you do alot with your daughter and I'm sure the majority of the things you do are things of your choosing. I would put the ball in her court and ask her what can I do so that you won't feel this way? Alot of times we do things that we "think" will show the other person how we feel but it's not what "they" need to know that. Kids are hard to figure out anyway so I would try just asking her you might be surprised of the answer.
Good Luck!
2007-09-14 06:47:17 · answer #10 · answered by Georgia Peach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋