How can I get my dad & mom to stop being so angry with me?

Question

I had a checking account that I closed because I could not get my old insurance company to stop taking my payment out of it. I opened a new account with the same bank and ordered checks identical to the ones I had - I shredded the old checks except I forgot to shred one box of them. I had to write a check to someone and had to get a new book - I was in a hurry and picked up a book of checks from the OLD account. Therefore I wrote a bad check. When the guy got it back from his bank he came to my house and my dad was outside. I live beside my parents. He told my dad what happened and they came over to my house and I walked outside only to be bombarded by yelling cussing and screaming. I never even got a chance to say boo. The man wanted his money NOW. He threatened me with things that are illegal and my dad laughed about it. The next morning as soon as the bank opened I got the money out and made good on the check. My parents will not acknowledge me now in any way. What do I do?

I do not appreciate someone saying that I am lying. Because it was an honest mistake. And I live beside my parents because I made the ultimate mistake of buying the home next door. I wrote a check to someone because my niece asked me to pay her rent for her because she had gotten laid off from her job and didn't have the money at the time. Plus I did cancel the insurance policy BUT the company did not cancel it in the billing department.

In response to one of the comments - nothing I do makes them happy. I did not finish college because I got married and had kids. Before they got mad at me about this all I heard was that I needed to get my degree. I do admit they try to run my life at ever angle including telling me when to cut my grass, calling me to ask if I fed the dog, etc. I am the youngest of three kids and they refuse to let go. I am looking into moving even though I own this home. I hate taking my kids away from the only home they have known but this is getting out of hand. They critize the cell phone I got - not the same one they have so I made a poor choice in their eyes. Not to mention I was yelled at for a week because I bought a bottle of wine at Valentine's Day and the empty bottle could be seen through the white trash bag and they saw it when they were putting their trash in our trash bin. This is sorta like the straw that has broke the camels back.

For those who say this is too complicated to be true - I am the only one of 3 kids who try (tried) to have a relationship with our parents. My parents are very "big-feeling" for lack of a better word. They have always taken the side of others against their kids regardless of the reason. I think they just expect more of me because I am the ONLY one of us kids that would make it a point to talk to them on a regular basis. My siblings moved far enough away so that mom and dad wouldn't visit them very much.

Answer 1

It sounds like you made an honest mistake and then did everything in your power to make it right once you realized your mistake.

Your parents had no reason and no right to get involved in your personal matters. However, since you decided to live next door to them, that's inevitable. They will become involved in all aspects of your life: financial, romantic, political, etc.

I agree that your best hope of healing your relationship is to put some physical and emotional distance between you for the time being. Let this blow over some, and then try to approach them rationally. Many parents have trouble recognizing their grown children as adults; I went through the same fight with my father. But if you go to them and explain the situation, they should begin to see you as an adult who is responsible for making good decisions. If not, that is their loss. You need to move on by yourself if you must, because you cannot allow their views of you to dictate your life.

The best way for you to appear grown up to them is to act grown up toward them. Don't throw a fit, or get angry, but do your best to remain calm and rational. Then if the situation doesn't resolve itself naturally, you have two choices: You can run away or you can try to get family counseling.

It's a hard road ahead, and I wish you luck. As to those who can't believe your story, they don't matter. If you are telling the truth, then you have received good advice from several people. If you are not, then others can still read this and get good advice.

Answer 2

That is an honest mistake. I would just move on and let your parents be jerks in there own misery. You know the truth and that is all that matters. You made the situation right. Good for you! Really this is none of your parents business. Don't sweat over it. They will come around and as long as you know you are in the good it doesn't matter what they think. Hold your head high and continue being an honest person.

Answer 3

The "only home" your kids have ever known is not a happy place. Move. You owe your parents respect, love if you feel that way but you don't owe them your soul. Having your child's best interest at heart isn't something that goes away just because they grow up. Your parents are out of line and it appears that your best interest isn't in their hearts at all. Your father could have saved you embarrassment if he simply wrote the guy another check and told him he would discuss it with you, it was probably just a mistake. To side with your attacker is unforgivable, really what kind of father does something like that?

I'm sure they have a completely different perspective but they didn't write, you did. I say put your house on the market and move.

Answer 4

Hate to say it but seems like they need to grow up everyone messes up sometimes. We all have said or done the wrong thing with out meaning to at some point in our lives even your parents. If they are choosing not to talk to you then let them act like kids you know in your heart you did not mean to do it and you proved you had the money by getting it the next day and paying. So you did what was right do not worry about it. I t know that is hard but try at it. At lest thank God you fought out before you wrote more to many people.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound as if your own father has much respect for you.
This man who got the wrong check, also didn't have the right to complain to another who had nothing to do with it.

IGNORE your parents. Their *******.

When u can, I'd advise you of moving or you will not be allowed to run your own life, learn by your own mistakes without being cussed and screamed at.

Answer 6

You're not alone. Everyone makes mistakes. I've written lots of bad checks.:0. Sounds like you're judging yourself way more than anyone else is. I think as long as you're doing the best you can and taking responsibility for yourself, you should not worry about your parents' acknowledgment. If you feel they're not acknowledging you, maybe you have still somethings you're not confronting on your end, that you're doing, and YOU'RE not acknowledging. If you're totally honest with yourself, then you should not be worrying about what your parents or any of us think!

Answer 7

You are an adult with your own life and responsibilities. Your family had a right to be concerned but in my opinion I think they acted inappropriately in this situation.
sounds more like they were siding with someone against you and making it worse..... I would discuss the issue with them.
If you calmly discuss things with them and it doesn't help then you should probably just stay away for a while and let things cool off.

Answer 8

Yes, I think you already know what needs to be done..you need to cut the cord and put your home up for sale. It's time to move, and hopefully somewhere that's far away from them, but still in your kids' school district. This kind of relationship between you and your parents isn't healthy for your kids, either. They see it, they learn from it. I think your parents' treatment of you borders on harrassment, quite frankly. Stop letting yourself be abused. Take control...

Answer 9

Your story sounds too complicated to be true. As a professor of mine once said: It doesn't pass the common sense test.

If you were paying rent for your niece, her landlord would have gone yelling at her, not you, for the bad check.

Something tells me you're the type of person who is constantly creating drama - everything that goes wrong is someone else's fault and comes with a long, ridiculous story.

Answer 10

Your story doesn't make sense. First you should have just called and cancelled the insurance policy. Second, why do you live next door to your parents? Third, what kind of check to what kind of person are you writing that would cause him to come to your house screaming and cussing? Seems a phone call would have been the first more obvious course of action.

I think your parents just don't like your lying.