Should I talk to my grandma again?

Question

To make a long story short, my very horrible mother (her daughter) talked my grandma into not coming to my wedding. She didn't call to cancel or anything. I have been really upset with her because my grandma has been known to never miss a wedding. She will even cut a vacation short just to attend a wedding to someone she doesn't even know. It's been 2 years now and at every holiday she sends cards saying stuff like "I miss you, call me." So should I give her another chance and call her or let her go? Thanks for hearing my sob story!

Sorry, I didn't want to make this too much reading. Basicly, my grandmother and I have had a decent relationship. We were not close but I would call to say hi every month and visit every 3 months or so. My mother on the otherhand, we have always had a very rocky relationship and my grandma always tried to keep us together because we are family. The week before my wedding, my husband told my mother that what she was doing to other people was wrong. My mom didn't like that because everyone else sees what she does and pushed it under the rug like nothing happened. So my mother talked everyone on her side of the family not to come to our wedding. If they did, they would be disowned from the family.

She never appoligized for not coming. Once, she did ask for pictures but I never mailed them. (She does like to have lots of pictures and home videos)

Answer 1

You are welcome! I have to say yes absolutely give her another chance! It sounds like it wasn't her choice not to come to your wedding anyway, more that she was persuaded, I bet she felt stuck in the middle. She misses you as she has said in her cards and I know you must of been devastated that she missed your big day but she is after-all an elderly lady- i presume, and you both deserve to spend some time together before its too late.

Be brave and get in touch, you will be so pleased that you do.

Answer 2

I say let bygones be bygones. Talk to your grandma. Don't let your "very horrible" mothers attitude and personality come in between you and your grandmother. There's probably some information in the story that you don't even know yet.... the fact that your mom talked grandma into not coming.... maybe it was your grandma trying to save you a bunch of drama on YOUR day, because she felt your mom would start something with her? I don't know, but it sounds like your grandma felt like she was doing the right thing for you, by NOT coming.

Answer 3

I think you just need to talk to your grandmother. Find out the whole story and explain to her how hurt you are. Even though its been 2 years already, you just need to talk to her about it. This will also give her a chance to explain and offer you an apology if she so desires. She may have wanted to, but you know how sometimes as time passes it gets harder and harder to say something. Its easier to just pretend like nothing happened. So I say talk to her, and give her another chance. Your grandma wont always be around, so I think you will regret it if you don't. Good luck!

Answer 4

Give her another chance. You don't have to be her best friend, but she'll be dead before you know it. And your horrible mother too.

I think it will make you feel better to fogive them. Just keep them at a distance and make the communication so brief that they won't have enough time to upset you. And when they do, and they will, just stretch the time between calls and visits even more and decrease the phone calls instead using email or post cards.

Answer 5

Why are you punishing your grandmother for what your mother did? Call her, you don't need your mothers approval to have a relationship with your grandmother. Believe me, when she dies and you go to the funeral(because you will) you will be very sad and angry with yourself for letting something so petty stand in your way. Your wedding is long over, and if you haven't figured out that its not even close to the most important day of your life, then start here. Human relationship win out over social gatherings every time.

Answer 6

I think your mom has been telling lies to your Grandma and that's why she wants pictures, etc., It sounds like she wants to have a relationship with you if you give her a chance. You should write her and tell her that you love her and how you missed her at your wedding. Maybe she will give you a good reason and take it from there.

Answer 7

Interesting choice of words: your mom told her side of the family that if anyone came to your wedding, they would be "disowned". Pardon me, but she doesn't "own" them anyway, so how can they be "dis-"owned? Is she filthy rich and everyone is sucking up to her hoping to inherit money or something? It sounds really weird.

Sounds like you need to make some phone calls to folks like your grandmother and clear the air. Don't get into a blame game over your mom -- just lay it on the table and let them make their own decisions.

Answer 8

I think that your mother brainwashed your grandmother and your grandma would have come otherwise..may be your mom threatened her own mother or something bad happened ..give your grandmother a chance..she thinks you are mad at her because of this so give her a chance..

Answer 9

i dont understand why you dont see your mother as the culprit here. send the pictures to your gran, she lost out on the wedding so at least give her the pictures.
write or call her. she has been good to you. one day she will be gone and you will have the rest of your life to regret the lost chance to be as close as you once were.

Answer 10

Not enough information. What was your relationship with her like before your wedding? Why would she listen to your mother and not come? Did she apologize for not coming?