What do you say when you have just told your future in laws you are getting married and the first thing his mom says is, "well your parents are paying for it all."
first of all my parents can't afford to help. my fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves.
second of all we never asked his parents to help in any way and weren't planning on it.
2007-09-14 03:24:56 · 34 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Say "first of all my parents can't afford to help. your son and I are paying for everything ourselves; second of all we never asked you parents to help in any way and aren't planning on it. So come have a margarita and celebrate losing your son, 'cause you sure ain't gaining a daughter, you cheap bastards!"
In any case, you have my deepest sympathies.
2007-09-14 04:18:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow! How rude. I guess the only thing that can explain that sort of behaviour is that she may be referring to the past tradition where the parents of the bride DID pay for the wedding. Try to look at it in that light, and most of all try not to hold a grudge. It makes for a terribly hard future relationship, otherwise.
Don't explain anything - whether your parents are helping or not - it is none of her business. Just let her think whatever she wants - organise your wedding how YOU want, in the way that YOU want and ignore any more insensitive remarks. Some people do not get their minds working before opening their mouths and saying the very first thing that rolls off their tongues.
Be wary of her offering any bits of advice or demanding that some things be done HER way because it is family tradition or some such thing, - she is not contributing, therefore she has no right to want or ask for anything to do with your marriage celebration.
A thought just occurred to me that maybe your future in-laws can't afford to help either, and she just was rude to cover up their situation.
Either way, don't complain to your fiance about it, why make an ugly situation worse? He may feel defensive, and get angry over something he has no control over.
Enjoy your wedding, safe in the knowledge that it was all YOUR doing. Have fun and don't let anybody spoil your day.
2007-09-14 03:59:13 · answer #2 · answered by Melbourne Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with them and explain that the two of you will be paying for it. Or have your fiance do it. Also let them know that because of that it will be what the two of you want and then you have the right to keep things as simple or elaborate as you want. I know how you feel as I was married then divorced. I met a wonderful man to marry three years later but when I asked his mothers opinion on invitations she told me, well you should know what to do you had one wedding! My mother had already passed away so I was looking for a mothers opinion. Anyway I had to explain that I didn't have a wedding the first time. We had just gone to the judge. then she started to be a little more understanding. good luck.
2007-09-14 03:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by Mary B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can think of two words for her but then, you would just be lowering yourself to her rudeness. So, this is your life...welcome to the mother in-law blues! Not that I'd know anything about it, my MIL is great! and I mean that! I think I would approach the subject with my intended...I'd ask my fiance' "What did your mother mean by that?" She may have just been reacting to the fact that her son is taking a bride. Mothers and sons, it's a strange relationship....mostly on the mother's end. So she might get over it and adjust her attitude, or you may be stuck with it for the rest of your marriage. I think what's important is to find out his position on it, make sure he's always going to support you because it's not uncommon to have a husband who can not and will not stand up to his mother, and then the two of you go from there. Other then asking him what she meant I would ignore the statement for now. There's plenty of time to get your point made...
2007-09-14 08:11:20 · answer #4 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If in marriage the couples share everything half and half then their parents had better too. Your parents can't pay for it all. You are doing a good job paying for your wedding stuff..I would say that you ignore her..If your parents are going to pay for it then make her dance around your fingers when you are married..don't let her have a say..
2007-09-14 03:33:08 · answer #5 · answered by imsweet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is respond with more tact and manners than she did! Take the high road, and realize this is just your first taste of a mother in law!
Plan your budget, plan the wedding, and don't bother going out of your way to include her. Let your fiance keep them informed of the important things like date, time, place, showers, etc.
Your fiance should really find out what the deal is with his mom's behavior too. But not because you make him , just because he should not allow her to be so rude to you!
2007-09-14 03:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by valschmal 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, there's really not much to say, but remember you're stuck with these people for life. It's traditional for the brides family to pay for the wedding, but that's not hard and fast anymore. If you are paying for it yourselves there's no reason to get upset about the fact that they don't want to pay for it. I would suggest you elope so you don't have to invite in-laws to the wedding, and then you can spend your wedding money on a killer honeymoon. They have no room to complain if they aren't going to contribute. Trust me, I had a nice wedding, and the memories and pictures mean a lot less to me than the memories and pictures from the traveling my we have done with just the two of us. Weddings are a lot of stress and ultimately not that much fun. Nobody wants to go to them, and they are stressful for the bride and groom. Good luck with your bad mannered mother in law, sounds like she has issues.
2007-09-14 03:38:18 · answer #7 · answered by awakeatdawn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you can say many things but I don't advise saying them to your future inlaws. I think they are just very rude. If they are following tradition the brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding...If thats the case take a bit of pleasure in reminding them the grooms parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner.
Heres wishing you and your groom a lifetime of happiness.
2007-09-14 04:02:33 · answer #8 · answered by Mona 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. If you didn't say anything in the moment that it happened, then that would be the best thing to do in this situation. If it comes up again, just give a little giggle and say 'oh no, I wouldn't DREAM of having you pay for OUR wedding'. Ok well that sounds a little corny, but you know what I mean.
2007-09-14 03:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by Kasandra 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if that's the case, don't plan a grand wedding. don't let this affect your plans of getting married. It is you guys who are getting married after all, not them, not anybody else and definitely you are not going to be living your lives with your in-laws. just remember that others are just mere spectators (family, friends) it is you guys (couple) that matters most in the wedding. Both of you make the decision, not anyone else. So, just go ahead, you're two consenting adults, best wishes!
2007-09-14 04:13:28 · answer #10 · answered by Amelia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋