My son's bus driver gave him an office referral, but the information is not correct. What to do?

Question

My son is 5. He got an office referral for his bus driver. She claims he has been getting out of his seat, talking at the railways, and hitting other students. I believe the first two, but when I ask her about him hitting someone she said she didn't see it but she saw burises he left. So I asked him about it and come to find out what really happened was him and a little girl have been pinching each other and horsing around. Apparntly the only reason the bus drive wrote my son up was because the other parent asked about the bruises. I know the other parent and according to both children they have been playing about like this for a few weeks but the bus driver never notified either of us, and only my son got written up. He goes to a gifted school, so misbehavior on a bus can lead to being ask no to return the next school year. I'm very upset that I was never told my son was misbehaving, and further it seems as if the bus driver only wrote him up because an upset parent approached

her. And she put "hitting on other students". He wasn't hitting anyone they where playing some pinching game! An it was only student. The have assigned seat and only seat two per row so he doesn't have contact with other kids, plus she checked a box saying she gave him a chance to both orally and verbally give his side but she never even asked my son about it.

Answer 1

Have this conversation with the school. They'll sort it out.

Answer 2

I don't know...I find your blaming the school bus driver a little over the top. Clearly, she couldn't see either child pinching one another because she was driving at the time. Aren't you glad that her eyes were on the road? If neither child told the bus driver about the pinching, etc, then what else did she have to go on except a parent complaining about bruising? A pinching "game" can easily be hidden from adults, especially an adult trying to drive a school bus safely. Not to mention, if your son is pinching hard enough to leave bruises, he's CLEARLY doing something wrong and needs to be punished for it. If your son was the one written up, it's because the other child is the one who ended up with bruises and not your son. I'm sure if your son had come home with bruises on his arms, you'd ask him about it, right? And you'd do something about it, just like the other parents. But he didn't and you didn't. Don't blame this on the bus driver. She probably put "hitting" because she didn't know what exactly was going on (again, she was DRIVING at the time) and only had parents complaining about bruising to go on. Also, she is probably not allowed to go to you directly to report misbehavior. Just like with anything else, there is a chain of command. A parent brought up the incident with the bus driver. The bus driver reported the incident to her superior, based on the information she had...the other kid's version of what happened. All you have to do is tell the principal that both students were engaged in misbehavior. If the other parents know the truth, ask them to tell what they know. The principal will ask the other child what happened and the other child will get punished as well. To get angry at the bus driver is completely ridiculous. Your son and the other kid were doing something wrong. Punishment is appropriate. Misplaced anger at someone who is doing her job as best she can is not. It seems you are getting angry because the bus driver mislabeled what was causing the bruising. What difference does it make if your son was hitting or pinching or whether or not it was mutual with this other kid? It's wrong either way!

Answer 3

You son played a game that supposed to have caused bruising on another child. This game has been played and has gone on for a period of time. The parent of this child has contacted the bus driver in regards, probably hoping that he pay attention and prevent further incidents of it. He has now no choice, but to inform the school of what happened on his bus. You should attend the meeting with your child. The reason you were not told of the railway crossing and getting out of his seat, the driver would decide weather he could control this. I am sure he spoke to your son and all was resolved right there, with no need for further action.
But because a parent has complained ( and I am sure if you had complained you would have appreciated some action ) he is under obligation to make a full report.
( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. grade teacher )

Answer 4

What is an office referral? Does this entail a meeting with the principal? Just let your son say what happened there.

Even if it's a game - pinching someone isn't nice, either - especially if the other child, apparently, didn't like it, told her parents about it & they complained to the bus driver, right? If the other girl & her parents were OK with the pinching, why did they complain to the bus driver about it?

Have him accept the consequences of his behavior, so that he can learn not to do it again. Bus safety is insanely important. You should make sure he understands why it's necessary for him to sit still, be quiet & keep his hands to himself.

Answer 5

Take a piece of paper and write down every detail only about the 1 incident that the bus driver wrote the child up for. Leave out all personal feelings. Number the events as they occur. Request a meeting with the Principal to discuss this very issue. If need be, go to the Main office and be prepared to sit for the duration until the Principal meets with you. Do not get annoyed at any point. Withhold all personal reaction. Document the events of the meeting and email the Principal with your understanding of the meeting and outcome and ask for your Principal's signature on a proposed resolution. You come up with the resolution NOT the Principal. Your child, your job to resolve it in the best interest of your child. Never let any one ever make a decision that affects your child without your buy-in. Ask to meet again in a couple of weeks to see if suggestion(s) works. Good luck.

Answer 6

Discuss with the school. But do NOT downplay this in front of your child. What was done is wrong to begin with. DOn't approach this as "Well, you were playing a pinching game and that's alright since the other kid was too". It's not alright, and NOW is the time to make an example of the situation. The child should be punished no matter what. Bruises? That's some serious pinching and should not be tolerated.

As far as not being asked back to school the following year ... it's up to you as a parent to make sure his social skills stay in line with society and the school rules. If he doesn't return ... time to find another school.

Answer 7

Ok Mom...I am also a Mom. Now just talk with the bus driver and see if you can get the HITTING remark OFF the referral. Change it to a game in which both parties were playing. NOT JUST YOUR SON. To me honestly...pinching...hitting are the same. But you seem against him having a referral for hitting so have it changed. Gifted or not: he needs to learn to respect others. Listen...we all don't want to believe that our children can do wrong...however in real life...they're only kids. Kids will be kids and parents will be parents. Just talk with the bus driver and see what happens. It won't make any sense for you to go to the school angry. Calm down and communicate with them. You'll get this straightened out I'm sure.

Answer 8

Ask that the other parent, the other child, and the bus driver all tell the office about what really happened. The report itself can't be a huge problem, if it's been retracted or partially retracted.

With the talking and getting up, even if that stays in, it can't be a big enough issue to cause them to ask him not to return to the school. "Gifted" (gosh, I hate that term) program or school or not, he's a five-year-old. Busses are a new thing to them. School is a new thing to them. And so-called "gifted" kids aren't automatically mature and know the right way to behave. The school needs to understand that minor things, like talking or getting up, are childlike misbehaviors, and treat them as such. To expect them to not have any minor things like that is unrealistic.

Answer 9

You can go to the transportation office and ask to see the tape from the bus. I would also speak to the principal just to make sure this doesn't adversely affect his record.
He should be made aware that he absolutely has no right putting his hands on someone even if it's a game. Understand that these bus driver's have to put up with a lot and it makes driving dangerous when kids are misbehaving.

Answer 10

Honestly, a pinching game that leaves bruises on the other kids is something appropriate for your son to be disciplined about. Talk to your child about appropriate behavior and make sure he doesn't do it again. I can't imagine he'd be dismissed from the school for one incident. Meanwhile, tell the school that the kids were both playing a game, it wasn't malicious, and the other child wasn't upset (make sure this is true, first!) -- but also tell them you've talked to your son and told him the game wasn't appropriate and you're sure it won't happen again. Then respect their disciplinary reaction. It's better to let your child suffer the consequences of bad behavior and turn into a great kid than it is to shield him from consequences now and have him continue to behave badly.

Answer 11

First I would talk to the Principle since he got a referral I am assuming that you may have to have a Parent Teacher Conference...If not ask for one then you & your Son & his Principle can have a discussion & get this problem resolved & at the same time get the problem of getting out of his seat etc. taken care of at the same time. We have cameras on our buses if your do too make them look at the video!!! You know what I mean??? Keep on it!!!