Will my daughter ever understand?

Question

I decided not to return to my ex-husband along with my 15 year old daughter. She is very unhappy with me about the decision.

My ex-husband lives in another state and wanted us to reunite as a family. My daughter lived with him from age 10 until 15.

My daughter thought that the right decision would have been to reunite as a family.

I did not go because my ex-husband is controlling and manipulative.

Now, my daughter says that her face is becoming sad and withdrawn like my parents since we are living with them temporarily. She is not used to and does not like being around them.

My ex-husband refuses to talk to me because he is accusing me of stealing some jewelry.

Will my daughter ever understand my decision? I feel that I should have pleased her and reversed my decision. My ex does not want that now though.

Answer 1

You are not wrong. The decision to stay married is a very ADULT and personal decision....not like buying a dress because your daughter likes it. I understand your guilt but you have to be confident in who you are that you made the right decision for your own happiness and she will see that one day. She may not see it now but just be patient with her. Try to make her happy in other ways and remember to make very special mother/daughter time together. It's important that the 2 of you stay very bonded right now.

Answer 2

So, who is the parent here- who makes your life altering decisions- you or your daughter. There should really be no confusion about who is the parent here.Your daughter is trying EVERY TRICK in the book and its called manipulating. It may take years for her to understand your decisions BUT at this point YOU ARE IN CONTROL not a 15 year old. As I discussed with you your options it may be best to discuss your feelings with her. A move is definitely the best option - your own space- accusations are just that- and in my humble opinion you X and his accusations are just another way of him controlling a situation- blaming you for everything. Hope this helps

Answer 3

You were right to stay away from the relationship. Parents that stay for the children are miserable and the children end up suffering because of it. She will come around in time.
I would work on getting a place of your own so that your daughter will be secure. This will help her get used to the idea that her parents will not be back together again.

Answer 4

Your daughter may need a mother more then she needs a wife for her father. It seems that th esplit has left everyone taking care of her but you. She probably just needs moe time with you. She's a teen where everything around her is going to make her doubt her self image. With an absent mother she may be thinking about her worth to you at all. And when I say absent I don;t mean phone calls, letters, and gofts. But a physically presents. Why is there so much distance?

Answer 5

You can't be happy in a controlling manipulative marriage. Your daughter has to understand that you two are not together anymore. I would suggest that you try to relocate closer to your daughter though, at least until she is a little older. She is going to need her mom a lot in her teenage years.

Answer 6

I STRONGLY recommend that you and your daughter start going to family counseling and get all this out in the open - NOW. Don't let all this anger and resentment get out of hand - and it will if left unchecked.