I was in a relationship for a short amount of time but I've known him for 5 years prior. We hooked up and I became pregnant so we decided to make it work as a family. We had our problems as most relationships do but I didn't know how big the problem was till we moved in together. He got the aptartment and I paid the small bills. He was there for every dr. appointment and all the false labors. The baby came and I had a had a shower after, he didn't come because we were having arguments at the time. I was upset and moved out for 2 weeks. We talked I came back to only move back with my parents again 4 months later. Reason being he was controling. He didn't want me to hang out with my friends, he didn't want me to have company at "OUR" apartment not even his mom came over to see our son. We both use to hang out and do things together and after the baby it all stopped. I don't know what happened. He doesn't help me with out son no money no nothing. I've tried to talk to him about the babies needs he wanted things done his way or no way. He has made ideal threats to who he would call to get custody of our son. It made me real stressed out because I couldn't believe he was acting this way. Infact he has even denied our son to his current girlfriend. So I did what any smart woman would do I went to child support. Whether or not it was wrong I had to I have to take care of my son. Over the months his mom came around and statred to get our son on weekly or every other weekend basis. Im not sure if he goes to see him but the way our son acts as if he's there but not interacting with him as a father should with his son. We don't talk, we don't text there is no communication at all. I don't want him back I want him to be a father to his son, but I will not beg for him to be in his life.
2007-09-14 01:19:07 · 11 answers · asked by Lady "T" 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have done all the right things, and all you can do is hope that one day he will grow up and want to be a father. I have a similar situation, and it is hard, but when your son gets older never lie to him, just tell him that his father is who he is, and you are very sorry about that. Show your son you love him and try to provide a stable male role model, either with an uncle, friend, or grandfather. Good luck to you.
2007-09-14 02:09:03 · answer #1 · answered by Lee B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, been there, done that! I understand your feelings on wanting him to be a part of your son's life, it's only natural. My ex and I have a son-he denied him before he was even born. He didn't see the baby until he was a couple of months old. He started helping by buying things my son needed, we were not back together, but he did help. He ended up moving out of state. He was sending me money every month for our son, even bought him Christmas gifts two years ago. Once he got hooked up with someone else, he never called to see how his son was anymore & stopped sending money. I wanted to go to court to get child support from him, but I changed my mind-WHY???? I figured I'm not going to try to force him into doing the right thing-HE SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE IT IS HIS CHILD!!!!!! Also, he would then have rights to my son, and with him living out of state, I couldn't bear having my son that far away from me, and the killing part is, I know he would use those rights against me. He would only take my son, because he knows it would hurt me to be away from him. I can't trust him with something so precious to me. He can keep his money and choke on it!!!!! He destroyed his rights by abandoning my son. I may struggle to support my little family, but it is best this way. As far as forgiveness goes, I do forgive him, because he's stupid. Don't get yourself all stressed over this guy, he may have helped create your beautiful little boy, but that's it (a sperm donor). If he can't realize what a precious gift of being able to have a child is, he doesn't deserve one. He is a waste of time. Even IF he does pay child support, there is no guarantee that he will be involved. Any man can make a baby, but it takes a REAL man to be a FATHER! Having a court order does not mean he will pay, alot of guys are deadbeat dads, it happens everyday. Maybe one day, he will realize what being a father is, but it just might be too late?
2007-09-14 01:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's right chica,Hold your ground and your dignity!!Let him play his control games all he wants at least you know that you are there for your son.People never stop to think of the future.He's denying your son now maybe YOUR son will deny him later in life when his dad is old or crippled &will need him.At least your not an uncaring bum,take it from a woman who's given birth to 8 people & has grandkids too he may try using your son as a way to control you and get you back in between girlfriends beware! A dog today turns into a wolf tomorrow,unless some miracle happens.-Blessings to you & your son always
2007-09-14 01:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You KNOW the dude is a control freak - you KNOW he will NOT do things "your way", so I am not clear as to what you are asking - can you change him? NO. can you do anything other than go after him for support? YES - your other option is putting the baby up for adoption.
You chose to do this against the odds that it would work, and unfortunately for EVERYONE (especially the baby) the "Daddy" turns out to be a IMMATURE SELFISH JERK. You are RIGHT in not chasing him and trying to force him to "do the right thing" - he will not listen to you. Accept that at least for now, you are on your own and do your very BEST to stay strong and healthy. Your son needs at LEAST one GOOD parent who loves him!!
2007-09-14 01:39:47 · answer #4 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not make him a father, it is his lost and in time if he is human in anyway, he will feel the lost. I commend you for keeping a relationship with his mother, a child needs all the family they can have. You did good by getting away, I hope you find another man who is willing to step up to the plate and be a husband and father. Only date guys, that will stand by this saying " love me, love my child"
2007-09-14 01:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whilst i've a grudge towards any one( i consider to myself do i desire to be forgiven, if Allah(SWT) can also be Merciful and forgive men and women, then i would do the identical) i'm really not larger than Allah so why cant i forgive that man or woman? So i forgive that man or woman for the reason that i might desire Allah to forgive me if i used to be in a identical trouble.
2016-09-05 13:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very sensible person, and it takes courage to do what you did. Good for you.
Don't put pressure on yourself. One thing at a time.
For now, work on getting back in shape, feeling good about yourself and have a good rest.
The rest will follow.
Good luck and hugs.xxx
2007-09-14 03:30:56 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not mature enough to be a proper father! All I can say in hindsight is, Act in haste, then repent in leisure hon. I hope you get some child support from him.
2007-09-14 01:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sic an attorney on him for child support. And pity him, this is the sperm out of millions that made it.
2007-09-14 01:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he must play his role in his son's life, afterall, this child is yours and his...
If you feel, he is a threat to your and your son's life then seek help...
2007-09-14 01:35:19 · answer #10 · answered by syasya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋