Wedding Woes? What should I do?

Question

I am in the middle of planning my wedding. I want it to be specail and all but I am getting fustrated. I am the one doing all the planning and I can't afford to hire a planner to help me. My doesn't seem to interested in helping me with any of it.

He says he wants to help but when I asked him to help or ask for his opinions he gets mad.

My maid of honor lives in another state and we talk every day and she helps as much as she can.

Also I have asked my fiance nicely and he just doesn't seem like he wants to help. He has said before he could plan this whole thing yet he can't even help pick out an invitation.

I am having a small wedding on the beach. I booked a house for the week.
We aren't having you regualr reception. We are using the house we booked to host the reception. It's just immediate family and and a couple of friends. Less than 30 guests. I Found my dress and invitations. Just need help with finding a wedding cake and food to serve. It's more like a family get together for the reception. It's going to be very laid back and relaxed. And after we eat and cut the cake we are going to hang out in the pool and hot tub. I'm just not sure how to pull this all off. I don't want anything in my wedding to be traditional. I am open to any ideas and suggestions.

Answer 1

First of all, Congratulations. Secondly, try to remain calm. Its a frantic time for all brides let alone one who feels that she is doing all the work while he sits back and enjoys the benefits. It seems as though men feel that once they have done the hardest thing of asking us to marry them, that is the last thing that they have to do and that they can leave the rest to us. Men can be like that sometimes, especially when it comes to the actual wedding. They seem to think that it is a "woman's thing"

I went through the same thing when my finace let me plan most of our wedding by myself. We, too, didn't have a wedding planner - they are not used so much here in Australia - but that amount of things that you have to plan for is amazing. So I found everything that "I" liked, then presented him with the things that I found and he would say yes or no. Mostly he would say yes.

I think that you should go ahead and organise it yourself and then show him what you have found - don't book anything, but tell or show him what you have and then see if he agrees with it or change anything that he disagrees with, and perhaps when he vetoes something, ask for alternative suggestions. If he agrees, book it or do it,or whatever.

My other alternative would be to enlist the help of your mother or maid of honour.

Have you checked out any websites for help and information?

Do you have a checklist? Even the simplest of weddings requires planning (and I am not inferring that yours is going to be a simple one) I have found a cheklist at http://www.weddingnet.com.au/Wollongong/checklist.htm - I realise that it is an Australian site, but I thought it was not as overboard as some of the other sites - especially the American ones which include booking wedding planners and prove to be nothing more than ads for anything wedding related.

This wedding planner was really good too - lots of pages for lots of information! Perhaps you can have a folder for it. http://www.weddingguide.com.au/planner.pdf

Also, plan your budget. Work out how much you have to spend and stick to it. I found this site (in Florida)http://www.designerwedding.net/Wedding_Schedule/html/budget.htm
It might be able to help you plan, and also don't be afraid to cross anything off that you and/or your fiance may not want or like such as obviously the wedding coordinator or monogrammed napkins - whats that about? Maps and Calligraphy? Do you really need those or just a map reference on the invitation? Out Of Town Guest's brunch? Do you want to do that?

Another site to check out is Brides.com

I had a lot of fun checking out this information as well as scaring the **** out of my daughter's boyfriend when he walked by and noticed the sites that I was looking at!

I'd love to help, with advice or a shoulder to lean on if you need someone impartial that lives nowhere near you and has nothing to gain. Add me as a contact if you want.

Answer 2

My advise is go to a local book store and purchase a wedding planner guide.
This should have all the info your need along with spaces to write notes and compare prices etc..
Keep this with you at all times. This way if you run into say a bargain somewhere you can list it. Then if need be purchase and compare prices. Enlist any friends or family willing to help, I am sure if you asked nicely they will help you. If all else fails check into wedding chapel's that include everything from intimate to formal weddings. Also some include honeymoon packages. With everything in between. Even online you maybe able to find a web site ( ie.. Google,) that can give you a list to help go by, everything from reception to flowers and catering and all points of intrest.
Most important just relax it will all come together, you will see.
Good Luck

Answer 3

Before anything else, it seems that generally woman are more interested when it comes to planning the wedding details. So don't fret if your man does not seem to be bothered by those things, but it will of course help if you talk to him.

Ask the help of your mom, bestfriend or maid of honor if you think you can no longer handle all of these plannings.

Anyway, in regard to the wedding cake and food, I have found some helpful tips for you which you may want to look into:

http://www.savingforawedding.com/2007/05/26/how-to-save-money-on-a-wedding-cake/

Answer 4

Since you are doing this low key, maybe find a local bakery in the beach area for the cake and it can be a simple one for you. Then they may be able to recommend some places to do the catering locally so you aren't having to ship a lot of things in. Tell your hubby to be you are going taste testing for the reception. He may be a little more interested in the food choices.

Find someone to officiate the ceremony, make sure you have your license done the week before.

Lots of candles or flowers, depending on what you enjoy.

Answer 5

A man's idea of entertaining is usually along the lines of "a case of beer and a barrel of wings" -- if you are expecting your spouse to be truly engaged in things like chooosing colors or canapes, then maybe you should be marrying one of your girlfriends, LOL.

If you want him to help, you're going to have assign him some more concrete duties, tasks that require less decision making. Give him grocery lists, give him envelopes to address, put him to making phone calls and reporting back to you an cake prices and details -- but that other stuff is for moms and bridesmaids, not your guy. If it's more than you can handle, them make your plans less elaborate, less detailed -- don't get stuck on perfect or you will turn into a MONSTER.

Answer 6

slow down, take it one thing at a time. If you cant hire a planner, there is a million free online planners, try this one from david bridal
http://www.ourweddingday.com/promotions.aspx?promo=2
And let us help you, because that's what we're here for. You'll be suprised how many people on here, live in your area and know of all the good places and bad place to go to, to help you with your cake, flowers, music, etc. So next time make sure you post a question that has the area that you live in. And if it's in southern california, then e-mail me, I know a lot of good (the best places) GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

Brides are often disappointed when thier groom is not that intrested in the wedding plans. Most men just do not really care about color, fabric, flowers and cake. Brides should never take thier lack of intrest as a sign that they aren't excited about the wedding- they just don't want to have to make these decisions. If it is really important to you that he do something to help, you will need to give him a simple assignment, and let him have complete control of that one thing. Like, hiring a limo for the ride to and from the beach.
He will feel like he helped you, and you will feel like he participated in the planning.
Keep it all simple, chill and grill dearie!
.

Answer 8

special can still be very simple, don't go overboard with the hoopla surrounding the day, think about the marriage and not just the wedding. You say your (fiance) doesn't SEEM to be interested....have you asked, nicely of course? Try listing the tasks that need to be done and ask which ones he will take care of. Tip-Men don't read minds, you must be willing to share your thoughts and ask for help.

Answer 9

See this is your first problem. You have to plan everything. If you just went to a regular banquet hall they would do everything for you.

Anyhow I suggest that you find a cater, they should supply everything you need food, cake, plates etc. They will clean up when it is over.

In case you were wondering, it is more expensive to have an event at home then out.

Answer 10

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