My daughter is 21 yrs,her boyfriend is 17, barely.They decided to get pregnant.Now its time for a shower.Both families are large,I ask him to have his mom give them a shower and I would give a shower on our side.2 weeks ago my daughter told me his mom and sister-in-law plan to attend our families shower increasing the amount of money I now have to spend on food.Ok I accepted that.I talked with the boy at that time and explained this is only for women he could go skateboarding with my youngest son,stopping by afterwards to munch out on the left over food.Well now my daughter told me he plans on attending!I think I should just cancell the whole thing.What woukld you do?The boy has no respect for anyone.
2007-09-14 00:30:17 · 20 answers · asked by godsrecoveringchild 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Wow, am I going to be odd one out on this ~ I really feel for you!!!
I can understand where most of the answerers are coming from with the boy wanting to part of the baby's life, etc etc ... BUT, the one thing most seem to have overlooked is just who is footing the bill for this ~ and for what else, I wonder!
HIS parents decided not to hold a shower, they are coming to yours, and so is he. YOU are paying.
Maybe people are right and you have a bit of resentment about the situation (I would not be honest if I said I would feel really happy in your shoes), BUT the young man and his family don't have a lot of consideration do they?
How about suggesting he might want to chuck a few dollars your way to help pay for all this celebrating, bonding with the mother of his child-to-be and so on ...
Or is he going to expect to barge his way into every event from here on in, on the strength of getting your daughter pregnant? Great! Just what we all need in our lives, one more moocher whose big contribution is a couple more mouths to feed.
Sorry to be harsh, it's time he started facing up to his responsibilities. He's NOT a 'boy' any more, he's a man who is about to have a child to be responsible for. Time to start acting like a grown up!
Edited to say~ Ha, I got so carried away, I forgot to answer your question! Sorry! At this stage, you have probably invited others and it would be difficult to cancel. As others have said, you will have to grit your teeth, but just because you 'play nice' today does NOT mean you ever need to repeat the performance. I would not be hosting anything in future unless this young couple share the costs.
Good luck with this :-)
2007-09-14 03:12:56 · answer #1 · answered by thing55000 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Is there a reason that he is planning on attending? Like is he possibly a control freak or something? I would think that a normal guy would not want to be there. Is he a needy or clingy type of person? I would not cancel the shower as it is for your daughter and grandchild and it is a great way to show your love and support to them. However, if money is a problem then maybe you should talk to his mom about doing one big baby shower and splitting the cost. It is also a great way to get to know your grandchild's other side of the family and make nice since you will be connected to this new bunch of people for at least 18 more years. Maybe then the other mom will tell her son that it is for women only. I hope that you get to enjoy a nice baby shower with your daughter. It is a memory that your daughter will treasure for a lifetime. Oh and CONGRATULATIONS.
2007-09-14 00:51:13 · answer #2 · answered by good directions 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bridal showers are usually just for women but a baby shower should include the father of the baby and any other family members that want to attend (grandfather, uncle). I can tell from your question that you're having some issues with this whole relationship/pregnancy thing and that's understandable. You have a right as a mother to be concerned for your daughter's well being. However, you should strongly consider keeping these feelings to yourself and welcome the boyfriend into your life as a new member of the family because it will help your relationship with your daughter, grandchild and you may actually help him mature properly. It's good that he wants to be involved and be a part of things - it bodes well for his future parenting skills.
2007-09-14 01:56:34 · answer #3 · answered by Susan G 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is your daughter's time. Just roll with the punches, don't complain, and be there for her. At this point, why get upset about what will be over and done with in a relatively short time.
Me, I'd be just as upset as you probably are, and I'd be tempted to throw up my hands and say the heck with it all. I guess when my son is old enough to have these issues, I'll have to remember my own advice.
Just remember that you want your child to be happy. That is all that really matters when you're a parent. Even if it means gritting your teeth for the day.
2007-09-14 02:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by Rappel_Welch 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have something against your daughter's boyfriend just by you pointing out the age difference with in the first sentence. Reguardless of his age, He's the father! If he wants to be there he should be allowed to. It's not like he's just a random person that is going to crash. My son's father was at my baby shower even though my mom didn't care for him much. If it is so much of an issue of money then ask if he or his family to pay for his plate. If not, then he just won't eat but he can still attend. You should start working on how to get over whatever tiff you have with him because he's always going to be your grandchild's father. People are always knocking dead beat dads but this guy sounds like he wants to start early with being there for his kid and you're discouraging it if you "band" him from attending.
2007-09-14 02:42:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hi,
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with it. My husband attended our baby's shower with me. Lots of men are doing that these days. My advice is you should try to include him since he wants to be included and is excited over the birth of his first child.
When faced with the choice of attending his child's shower or hanging out with little brother, I can see where he is coming from. And as for your "women only" rule, I think you should make an exception for at least the father of the baby. It's great your daughter has a man who wants to be a part of things because plenty of young men don't care at all.
Remember, everyone is there to celebrate the upcoming birth of the child and to provide them with much needed items. It would be in everyone's best interest to try to keep the peace that day in whatever ways you can. They will always remember. Please don't cancel the baby shower. That would not be fair to the baby.
julie
2007-09-14 00:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by julie j 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Let him tag along.
It used to be a bit of a religious thing and only females on a special guest list could attend.
But now anything pretty much goes!
It's not really a mans thing anyway, so he'll probably stop for the food, then go!
2007-09-14 19:23:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy do you have some more "recovering" to do, Godsrecovering child - still.
This isn't about you. It's about making sure that this foolish and young couple have some supplies for the baby.
And you should be on your knees thanking God that this young father-to-be is interested and involved in his baby's birth - and brave enough to attend a party filled with women.
But no. You are only interested in how much money you spend on the party and controlling every aspect of everyone's lives - including your future grandchild. How awful! Shameful. And you seem to harbor so much animosity towards His family that you don't even want to welcome them to the shower.
I strongly urge you to speak with your minister about the concept of charity and a few other attributes that you could learn from.
Again, this isn't about YOU - it's about the baby. Get it?
2007-09-14 01:42:21 · answer #8 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Lots of men attend baby showers with their baby's mothers now. I don't see what the big deal is, unless you and the rest of the family were planning on bad-mouthing him during the shower.
As for the mom and sister-in-law attending and "increasing the amount of money I now have to spend on food"........It's 2, TWO, extra people!! What kind of food are you serving that TWO more people will break the bank?????
2007-09-14 00:54:09 · answer #9 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Haha @conquer! I'm new to "Yahoo! Answers" however, I could not support however observe as I used to be shopping exclusive questions and solutions on this class that during reply to a different query, you latterly published that you simply could by no means wish to be visible in public with a Black lady and could handiest wish to "lay one". I additionally spotted you latterly published a query approximately whether or not it could be larger if folks dated inside their race. My wager is that you've an obsession with romantic relationships centered on race, chiefly ones related to Black females, and therefore you're consciously (or subconsciously) watching for those relationships after which mechanically perceiving them as being flaunted considering the fact that you're watching for them. For that topic, what does "flaunting" an IR courting even seem like? I see tons of folks in romantic relationships of any type whether or not or not it's heterosexual, gay, equal race, interracial and many others. "flaunting" their relationships on social media by way of relentlessly posting more than one reputation updates, photos, posts and many others with their boyfriend/female friend day-to-day or regularly undertaking PDA every time they're in combination in a public situation. Once once more, I believe you're simply projecting your possess obvious problems with Black females and/or interracial courting by way of perceiving that "Black females with non-Black boyfriends insist on flaunting their IR courting". Of direction that is simply my wager centered at the few different contemporary posts I've visible of yours. Or you are trolling.
2016-09-05 13:39:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋