Getting over a resentment.....prayer isn't working?

Question

Someone very close to me hurt me very deeply. All of my "Spiritual Superhero's" (i.e. the people I see that live by, and have spiritual prinicples "work for" them) tell me that I should pray for that person.

Let me tell ya - I have been trying in earnest to pray for them - and it's been doing nothing but getting me angrier.

They were very abusive towards me - quite suddenly - and I'm having a hard time thinking that they merit prayer for the things in life that they would want/need - when they thought it was totally ok to treat me worse than the dog - and somehow, it feels like I'm endorsing the idea that its okay to treat me badly if I forgive them.

Any advice?

Answer 1

The only real cure to resentment is acceptance. Accept the person for who they are and what they have done to you. Accept your own pain, the pain they have caused you. Accept your own suffering, the suffering they have caused you.

There is a saying: "There are no justifiable resentments." Identify where you feel justified in holding this resentment. "Because he/she hurt me." That is not a good reason to hold a resentment.

Ask yourself, what purpose does my resentment serve? Is it doing any good? Are you trying to teach the person a lesson by holding a resentment? Is that working for you?

And understand something important about forgiving someone. Forgiveness is to drop a resentment you hold against them. This does NOT mean you must also pardon their actions. If you loan someone $20 and you never get it back, you can forgive them without pardoning them. This means you don't resent them from not paying you back, but if they come looking for a loan, you can tell them NO!

The resentment has nothing to do with them. The resentment is yours. You gave it to yourself. Accept responsibility for it. He/she may have hurt you but you gave yourself the resentment. You are "holding" it against them. Drop it. Let it go. That doesn't mean you should invite them back into your life to hurt you, it just means you stop making yourself angry and spiteful over it.

Answer 2

Hi..

It depends what spirituality you follow or school of thought, since others will have a different view of what is prayer and how to use it. If im honest with you though, in my view you should pray that the other gets on the right path and finds the truth and you do the same for you first to make sure what you follow is the truth to begin with then follow it up with giving you the strength to deal with such peoples and them to deal with their issues too...keep the prayer going but also seek out the truth, no point praying to a lamb thinking it will answer your prayers if that lamb is itself a lost sheep of the creator (hope the metaphor makes sense lol)...

Also dont expect prayers to be answered immediately nor to be answered slowly, dont pray only for what you need or want but pray for others, not just for those you understand but those you do not, not just for friends and families but for others but always pray to be shown the truth so that when you get that truth you realise then how to pray etc.

The best way to get over anything is firstly to find out WHY it happened, either by asking or some other way to see if it can be resolved. The next thing is pray but that should be also when youre happy...again my take on prayer may differ from yours due to the message that I follow, thirdly to take a chill pill and go out or stay in and avoid things that mask things such as alcohol or silly holidays that make you forget but not make you stronger...best is to let things go or move on. Also look at why you got hurt, how have you interrpretted the situation.

Alot of the so called spiritualists live by visualisation or affirmations etc which are eastern hindu/buddist techniques which in essence originated from the western love of free love and all things non-western in the 1960s. You must find the truth but ofcos praying is always a great tool...i agree to that.

I re-read what you wrote and pray isnt simply about getting what you want or need, its also about thanking for what you have and showing gratitute. If you met the queen of england, you'd bow and show grace and before asking be all polite etc then if she gave you'd be grateful but you would expect and hope you were given what you wanted but if you werent you would still show gratitude etc...my point is who is it that you are praying to and wonder how you are doing that also...but everything is useless if you pray to a tree when in reality the true answerer of prays you never know. I seem to be fixated on prayers lol..but there is 1 final thing, people change if whoever did this to you is a friend then go speak to them and if nothing else then walk away...they lost you, you only saw them lose you and all you can do is walk away.

hope that helps x

Answer 3

Mark 11:24-26 states:
"Therfore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."

In order for your prayers to be answered you must forgive the indiviual who hurt you. My advice is to not allow the anger to overcome you. If it does, then you are letting your anger control you. Take control of yourself and be the better person. I try to take the good from the bad. Is there anyway this situation can benefit you? If so, then think of that. Stay positive and focused on what is going good in your life. Think how this is making you a better person and improving your life. Life is full of surprises and sometimes these bad things turn out to be good. Seize the moment and control your anger. Then you will be able to forgive. Once you forgive, your prayers will be answered. And forgiveness will not endorse the idea it is alright to treat you in a poor manner. By forgiving you show you are the better person. You are humble and strong. Keep your head up. Stay positive. Don't dwell on the negative.

Take care and God bless.

Answer 4

You have been hurt, that's obvious. But we don't tend to see emotional hurts the same way we would see an injury to our bodies. When you have been wounded by someone (especially when they did it very carelessly or even worse, intentionally) it takes time to heal. Your anger is probably very justifiable. They treated you wrongly. They disrespected you as a person and they disrespected your feelings. So the first thing is to recognize that you have been wounded and that it is O.K. to feel angry about it. The Bible said to "be angry." But it also said to "sin not." In other words, what you do with that anger is important.

It is good to express your emotions in private to someone who loves you, that won't betray you or judge you in any way. YOU WILL NEED TO DO THIS TO GET HEALED. If you don't let go of the anger by expressing it, you will become bitter. Bitterness affects all of your relationships in life. That's when one unresolved situation infects all of the relationships you have from now on.

Forgiveness is important, but sometimes it takes time. It starts with a decision, not a feeling. But depending on how wounded you are, it may take a while for you to even get to the place where you can make a decision to forgive.

Forgiveness ultimately is something that you do for your own benefit. Someone said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and then expecting the other person to drop dead. I was in a very hurtful situation, and the other person completely did not even care about what they did or how it affected me. It took me a good long while for me to forgive them, but I finally did. It was a progressive work and it wasn't easy going through all of the pain. But I am glad that I did now.

Some of these tv preachers you see that are all smiles all of the time are actually faking it. Real life happens to real people. Let them smile onstage while we go through all the blood and guts down here in reality, is what I say. The Lord will help you, He wants to help you. But it is not going to be an overnight, automatic type of thing.

Answer 5

Oh, dear sister, who of us here can't relate to this?

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Ask the Lord to forgive them.

2) Ask the Lord to help you forgive them.

3) Tell the Lord that you forgive them.

4) Pray blessings on them (and yes, I KNOW how hard this is).

5) Ask the Lord to show you His heart for them. (He loves them still!)

6) Don't forget to be honest with the Lord about how you are feeling, no matter how angry it sounds. He already knows anyway, and He longs for you to tell Him your heart.

7) Remember that forgiveness, in some cases, can be a discipline. Sometimes things we think we've let go come back and old hurts still bleed when probed. Keep forgiving them every time the resentment comes back.

Remember dear sister, that they are continuing to harm you if you do not forgive them. Cherishing resentment hurts you far more than it hurts the other person. Also, remember Christ's sobering words about forgiveness:

Matt.6.15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Answer 6

Make sure you remove yourself from an abusive situation. God does not expect you to be treated like a door mat. Then sit down and write a list of all the things they did to you. Go through each of them and ask God to help you forgive each and every one of them.

I know you do not feel like forgiving these people, but if you won't forgive, then God will not forgive you. Think of this as being for your benefit. Remember, that on your own you may not be able to do this, but with God all things are possible!

I usually visualize all the bad feelings that I have endured being put in this large bag. When I am done listing these things, I visualize these hurts being burned up forever! I repeat that I am free of the bondage of resentment of so and so! That God has set me free in the name of Jesus!

Then write these people that you are forgiving them of all the things they did to you.It does not matter if they choose to be ugly to you, you put the ball in their court and make your mind up to be peaceful with all. Pray the Lord would not hold these things against them. Then let go and let God handle the situation! Keep doing this until you are free of the bondage of unforgiving those that hurt you. As long as you hold on to the hurt they caused, you will always be in bondage to those people.

I will be praying for you, freshbliss! You are a much loved daughter of the King! Leave all things in your Father's hands! He is working all things for the good of those that love Him! May the Lord bless you and keep you! Feel free to email me anytime! I know the Lord will walk you through this!

Answer 7

I find that transforming anger into pity is very powering. Tell yourself that they are not good people and remind yourself of how glad you are that you got away from them and how you won't let them hurt you like that again. You don't have to forgive them, but you can feel sorry that they don't have the skills to be decent human beings and you do. You tend to give power to the people you are forever mad at. In the end, they win. This way...you win.

PS. There are some good books on Amazon about releasing anger. I have one called "The Ultimate Guide to Transforming Anger" by Joane Middelton-Moz. It really helped me.

Answer 8

Yep, I had to learn to pray for my abusive step-father because the unforgiveness in my heart was literally killing me.

I would just recommend this. Be brutally honest in your prayer.

"Dear God, help me to forgive that no-good B@@@ARD!" I think is how my prayers started out. And over time - and I do mean time - like nearly six years later, I gradually let go and let God; and I've never felt better.

Think of it this way. The unforgiveness is hurting you way more than it's hurting this other person who hurt you.

And I will stop typing right now and pray for you too!

Answer 9

Forgive and it will be forgiven you.
Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

The reason you are struggling to forgive is becaused no one has asked for your forgiveness. Sometimes you just have to fight evil with good. Remember love keeps no record of wrong.

1 Peter 4:8
And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.


"Remember dear one, Jesus has forgiven you of your sins even before you asked him on the cross."

In Christ,
Alight4JC

Answer 10

pray for yourself first pray that people should forgive you for what you have done or failed to do. even if your a saint no one is perfect.
What was your part. Do you have any part in what happened.
This is probably pissing you off more isnt it.
Pray for willingness to let it go pray to forgive yourself pray to let the argument stop in your head. then after awhile try again.
Forgiving them does not mean they were right it means that you have no room in your brain to waste thinking about people who hurt you. LET them Go..
Dont let people who dont pay rent rent space in your head.
The hardest part is looking at what YOU did wrong there is something NO matter how small that YOU did to set get you where you are.
I enjoy being angry and I enjoy it more when Im tottally innocent and that for me is very dangerous. and that is my part alot of the time