I am currenlty living at home with my parents in Illinois, and he is up in Michigan finishing school. He got into some trouble awhile back (which was not that big) and his probabation lady today told him that he could not leave the state of michigan at all for the next two years...not even for our wedding which has been planned for April of 2008. My family thinkes he's a nice guy just may not be marriage material due to his past...if I tell thim this..it will only make it worse...what do i do!!
2007-09-13 13:52:42 · 29 answers · asked by bethv_84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
All he did was one night while out drinking with the boys, typical college behavior, he got in a fight with a guy and the guy pressed charges and won. Tho his friends there all say it was more of self-defense and the guy got in his face first.
2007-09-13 14:04:40 · update #1
If you both love one another, it doesn't matter how many years it takes to get married.... that's how I feel. I say push it back to 2009 when he's done with his probation. Then you won't have to worry so much about him not being able to go anywhere. Do you plan on going on a honeymoon? If so and you want to go somewhere other than Michigan, that's another reason to wait so you can have a nice time!
I'm not judging your fiance, I don't think he's trouble- as long as you know who he truly is, and know he'd never hurt you in any way, or anyone else you know.... so anyone who tells you to run, you don't need to listen. It's not fair. Just try to relax, spend lot's of time together, getting to know one another- and enjoy being engaged!!!! :) Not sure how long you've been with him, but a good book for you to read- "The Five Love Languages" by gary chapman (heartfelt commitment one) This book is GREAT and I think it would help any relationship good/bad whatever. Along with how long you've been together- if it's less than a year, or your are still in the "in-love" stage, you need some more time. Time to make sure once you are out of the "in-love" stage (you still love one another), but the book explains it more.
Good luck! Hope the best for you!
2007-09-13 14:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by m930 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm a probation officer in Indiana and I don't see how this can be his first offense and no big deal if he got 2 years. Are you leaving out important details or is your fiance? Most cases I have that involve battery for a first offense are about a year in length and not so strict. And that includes charges of public intoxication as well. If your parents think he is trouble and he has these kinds of issues, take a step back and make sure that they aren't seeing things that you aren't .
Here in Indiana, it is legal for a probationer to leave the state as long as the officer gives them permission. Did your guy mess up so badly that he cannot be trusted? Or is it a law in Michigan that anyone on probation can't leave the state? Is your fiance using probation as an excuse to postpone the wedding? The only advice I can give you about your wedding is for him to talk to an attorney to find out about petitioning the court for leniency. Do not have him leave Michigan without the courts knowledge! He will only end up in a lot more trouble.
2007-09-16 00:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by A 0 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation, and i know how much you don't need to hear the opinions of others, you are only asking for advice about the wedding. That means you have already committed to him, and seen beyond the mistake that was made.
Honestly I don't know much about probation and if there is any way to get around it for a day or two. Is it possible to have the wedding in Michigan? You could also push the wedding back, which I would understand if you wouldn't want to do that.
Only you know your fiance and only you know what you two have together. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. You can't help who you love, you aren't supposed to.
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-09-13 23:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by bethieb163 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You F with the law the law is going to F you back, harder.
Sorry but the only thing you can do is move the wedding to Michigan. Your fiancee broke the law and needs to pay the price.
The bigger question is why you are hiding it from your parents? One isolated issue isn't going to cause that much concern so this has to be some sort of an ongoing problem. If you are ashamed of your fiancee (and yes! if you refuse to own up to his faults you are either in denial or ashamed, either way not good) how can you think you are ready to marry him? If you cannot stand up and say "Its my life and I choose him regardless of his faults" you might be a little too immature at this point. I don't know you personally so I can't say for sure, it's just a red flag for me that a couple isn't quite to the marriage point yet if they are still sneaking around like freshman. I don't consider a record a deal breaker, accidents happen and people learn their lessons...however your refusal to admit to it and say "yeah thats my man, so what?" is a problem.
2007-09-13 22:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think that this is the probation officer's choice, I think it is the court that would have ordered this. This being the case, I wouldn't suggest that he leave. He could possibly petition the court to see if they will allow this but it's doubtful because it is the state of Michigan's responsibility to keep him on probation, not another state's. You may want to rethink your plans. Perhaps you can delay the wedding or have it in MI.
If they know he's been in trouble, do they know about the particular trouble that he's on probation for? The fact that you don't think whatever it was that happened is that big, doesn't make it so. Obviously, it earned him 2 years probation. You either really don't believe it was that bad (hmm) or you're making excuses for him. Either way, you're parents are probably right and you may end up realizing it the hard way.
2007-09-13 21:01:55 · answer #5 · answered by CUrias 5 · 5⤊ 3⤋
I think if your partner asked for leniency for his wedding date, a fair probation officer would give him that weekend out of state. Perhaps, he should invite his probation officer to accompany him to Illinois for the wedding...
Depending on the seriousness of the charge, I don't think that would be a huge problem. He has a legitimate reason for leaving the State. As long as the 2 of you don't plan to live outside of Michigan for the first part of your marriage, everything should be ok. 2 years really isn't that long when you consider you plan to spend your whole lives together.
Good Luck, I hope everything works out for you guys.
2007-09-13 21:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by gogoplata 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If you want to marry this guy...and want the freedom to go wherever...postpone the wedding.
Then you will be free from the burden of obeying all the little deals that go into being on probation, and he will be (maybe) done with school at that time and you won't have to worry about classes and homework.
That will also give your parents time to really get to know him for who he is NOW, not for what he DID then...
Or forget everything I said and get married in Michigan.
2007-09-13 21:04:52 · answer #7 · answered by Katie B 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
1. Not buying the "not that big" if first offense bought him more than 2 years probation. Do yourself a favor and run to ussearch.com and buy yourself a background check. It is better to find out now what you are getting yourself into.
2. Where did you meet him? If you live in Illinois and he lives in Michigan, how did you two hook up? Do you know his family? Friends? Have you ever been to visit him at school?
From your very vague statements I have tons of questions.
And if you think your wedding planning is expensive and stressful, just wait until you go through a divorce. Look deeper into this guy, something is not right.
Edit after your additional details. Of course his friends are sticking up (lying) for him, that is what a guys friends do.
And getting in someone's face does not allow you to pummel him, it allows you to scream back, not throw a punch. Watch this guy my dear.
2007-09-13 21:05:11 · answer #8 · answered by Gem 7 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I don't even have to read the rest beyond your first question. He's trouble and a loser. Dump him. Get therapy and find a man who will not be a ball and chain. It's not like he can come and find you. He would go to prison...So now's the time to let him go. You can say that you have met someone else, you have changed your mind, you just don't feel about him like you used to, you've met someone else, you are having cold feet and need "time" to figure out what you really want, you have met someone else, leave him leave him leave him leave him give him the old heave-ho....There is nothing more important to your life right now than to move on after you give this guy a long "I just don't feel the same about you since I found somebody else" letter. "I'm so sorry, I didn't expect it to happen. We were only friends, but...we just love each other..." Whatever you do, don't get married to him. You are too young to have that kind of regret and baggage. Dump him.
2007-09-13 21:07:45 · answer #9 · answered by Serena 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
He has to go by what the law says, or you may be spending you first years of marriage visiting him in prison.
Three things can be done, the wedding can be moved to his state, the wedding can be postponed or you could break up.
2007-09-13 23:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by litecandles 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋