cutting....?

Question

i cut. i stopped for about 3 years and now its haunting me again. i dont know how to stop and i cant seek help because i dont want my mom to find out again. she basically almost killed herself the last time she found out. i also need ways to hide the cuts on my arms. the last thing i need is someone seeing it.

Answer 1

If you feel the urge to injure yourself, below is a list of suggestions that might help you to overcome that urge. Please be advised that not all of these suggestions will be helpful to everyone. What is helpful to one person, may not be helpful to someone else. These suggestions have been provided by individuals who self injured and what they found helpful to them. If you feel that a certain suggestion may in fact cause you to want to self injure even more, do NOT use that suggestion. Find ones that are helpful for you. Again, these are only suggestions and may not be helpful to everyone.

deep breathing
relaxation techniques
call a friend, your therapist or a crisis line
try not be be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)
take a hot bath
listen to music
go for a walk
write in a journal
wear an elastic around wrist and snap it when you have the urge to harm yourself
some people find it helpful to draw red lines on themselves with washable markers instead of cutting themselves
hold ice cubes in your hands - the cold causes pain in your hands, but it is not dangerous or harmful (some people find it relieves the urge to harm themselves for that moment)
punching a bed or a pillow (when nothing but a physical outlet for your anger and frustration will work).
scratch draw a picture on a thick piece of wood or use a screw driver and stab at the piece of wood. (can be another physical way to release your emotions without harming yourself.)
avoid temptation (i.e. avoiding the area in CVS where the razor blades are kept, etc.)
try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions.
learn to confront others/making your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside
go outside and scream and yell
take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension, etc.)
work with paint, clay, play-doo, etc. (the person who suggested this mentioned that they would make a big sculpture and do whatever they wanted to it. They said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave them some idea of what might be underlying the pain.
draw a picture of what or who is making you angry
instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with massage oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect
go to church or your place of worship
wear a pipe cleaner or something that will fit on the places that you injure. One person did this as a way to remind herself that she could call someone instead of hurting herself and that she had other ways to cope.
break the object that you use to self-injure as a way to show that you have control over it.
write a letter to the person(s) that have hurt you and express how they made you feel. Theses letters do not have to be in perfect form and you do not have to please anyone but yourself. You do not have to give these letters to the people, but it is a great way to release the feelings that you are carrying within. After you write the letters, you can decide then what to do with them. Some people find destroying the letters help (i.e. tear them up, throw them in a lake, etc.)
do some household chores (i.e. cleaning)
do some cooking
try some sewing, crossstitch, etc.
recite a poem, prayer or anything else familiar the comforts you multiple times
write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt
write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself and if you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happenings - or find out what your triggers were
Play some kind of musical instrument. Even if you don't really know how to play, picking out tunes is a way to concentrate and help get rid of the urge to harm yourself.
yoga
allow yourself to cry. Getting the tears out can make you feel better. It allows the inside to release, as opposed to self abuse. Picture your "ickies" pouring out as you cry.
Take a shower
write down a word best associated with what you are feeling (i.e. horrible, sad, lonely, angry) and continue to write it down, over and over. Sometimes when you do that, the words looks silly etc., and it puts humor or a smile in your life.
sing a song on what you are feeling. It's another way to get it outside. Shout if you are made, etc. Let the words just come to you.
Scribble on paper. Clutch the pen in your fist. It's a way to diffuse it on to paper. (Get a few sheets so they don't tear.)
Take item you are self injurying with and use it against something else. For example, if you are using a razor blade, rip it across a towel. Sometimes seeing what "can" be done to an object can make a person think twice about using it on themselves. Can also give the feeling of "doing it"...the tangible aspect.
Make a list of reasons why you are going to stop cutting. Every time you get the urge, read the list to remind yourself why you shouldn't. Also remember to put on that list that you do not deserve to hurt yourself. You are important and special and you do not deserve to be hurt.

Answer 2

There is a reason why you are cutting yourself kelly, you may feel like everything is fine, but the fact that your thinking about it, means that somewhere deep down you still have issues with conflicting parts of your life, I'm not trying to be a counseller or patronise you but i have been through it, I know exactly how you feel because I used to do it then stopped for ages and thought i was better, but the fact was i just pushed the problems away which made it worse. I don't know where exactly you live but there is a place called the drop in centre, they are all over the country and they are quite good if you need to talk, if not then see your gp, they can refer you, everything you tell him or her is completely confidential no matter what age you are so your mum doesn't have to find out. But i do suggest you take someone along with you maybe another relative or a very trusted friend, you shouldn't have to do it alone. Also until you see someone, try holding an ice cube, I know it sounds crap someone once told me it, but it does help, it still hurts but you don;t end up with nasty gashes all over your arms! You need to see someone soon because your emotional scarring will be ten times worse than your pyhsical scarring. Hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

Hi Kelly. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this problem again. While I have to say that the only real way for you to permanently deal with this problem is to seel professional help, there might be something you can do. The main purpose of seeking the professional help is because those people know how and what to say to you to get you to look inside yourself and find out why you are doing this to yourself. Yes, on the surface, it's obvious that you are unhappy with some aspect of your life or your reason for having a life at all. But it runs much deeper than that, which is why it won't go away. Do you blame yourself for something? Do you feel you aren't worthy of this life? Do you feel slighted by something that happened in the past that can't be changed now? The only thing I can offer is that with or without help, you need to confront this issue like an adult. Face the problem. Realize you are a person, a human being like the rest of us, and whether you've realized it or not, you're here for something. And that something isn't self-mutilation. You should be proud of your abilities as a human being and explore your capabilities. Know your strengths and you won't keep focusing on your perceived weaknesses. I wish you the best of luck in this life and I hope you find what it is you're searching for.

Answer 4

Ask yourself why you are cutting, and try to change all that is making you. If you are bored, find an activity less harmful. If you are feeling low about yourself, spend some time treating your body nice, like taking a bath or exercising. If you cut because of family problems, know that there are better ways to resolve problems than self harm. Try to find one person, maybe an adult, that you can confide in and help you to seek a therapist.
I don't encourage this, but if you really need to hide the cuts, wear wristbands, or bracelets, long sleeves, wrist warmers, and maybe draw with sharpie over your arm.
I do that all the time, just not because I cut.

Answer 5

Kelly - I'm cringeing as I read the other answers who are these muppets. It takes a brave person to ask for help - and thats what i see you are doing. In a way, thats the first step in taking some control - admitting you don't know how to fix it alone is far from being weak - its a very positive step.

Cutting is a relatively modern phenomenum - Hey you didn't need to in my day, there was plenty of people willing to save you the trouble by blowing you to bits ( just an attempt at humour to show that we need not take ourselves too seriously).

I'll be honest, psychiatry as a whole does not know how to deal with it. On acute wards, it invokes feelings of failure amongst staff which can translate into hostility from the nurses (they are only human too). There are some 'modern thinkers' who debate the problem of cutting, but when it gets down to the wards, or the community nurses, they really cannot handle it (everyone panics). The problem is that nurses and carers see themselves as a bridge to wellness - how can they then condone self - mutilation. Personally, I think there is hope for you because you do not appear to be the 'typical cutter' (Oh dear - I just stereotyped) - you want to hide the scars whereas the majority that I have nursed wear the scars with pride. This seems cynical on my part but what I observe is many people chose to wear short sleeves and they just love it whenyou cover them in bandages.

Kelly, the most significant point in your cutting behaviour is that it is a coping mechanism aimed at SURVIVING, not destructive as it appears to most people. In other words, you are choosing to let-off the pressure before it builds-up to destructive proportions. As long as you do not engage in 'Brinkmanship' (see how far I can take it without killing myself) you will come oput of this at the other end. You have already devised a plan to protect your mum's feelings - so keep it under control and limit the long-term complications - such as infection and disfiguring scars. WHAT! I hear you say, a psych nurse suggesting that I should carry on cutting!!! Well- yes, if it is going to stop you getting into something more dangerous - such as seeing how many paracetamol tablets you can take before calling the ambulance.

Kelly - life may be **** now but it won't always be. Keep the faith and it has an uncanny habit of turning around into sunshine. Finally, at all all costs avoid doing what I do - listening to Pink Floyd all the time - thats instant depression (but starngely compelling). Good Luck girl - you don't have to search for a future - it'll find you.

email me if you want.

Answer 6

You definitely need counseling. I really believe your spirit is crying out for help but like the junkie it feels too good to stop, though it's slowly killing you.

A parent (especially mothers) always feel when something like this happens to their child it's their fault. You don't say how she found it but I'd bet you it was because you cut too deep or ended up in er. No matter how your mom takes it it will be much easier talking to her about it than her finding out the hard way by a visit to the er or morgue.

You know you're hurting yourself but you can't see the harm. A friend of mine was the same way but once went too deep and almost died. She ended up literally locked up in a padded cell (yes, they still have them). Her stay there messed her up almost as much mentally and in some ways more.

There are better ways to feel good, less stressed or whatever. You don't need a way to hide it you need help.

Answer 7

Kelly, You're cutting because there is something that's hurting you so bad that you're inflicting that pain on yourself to distract you from the other pain. You need to figure out what is eating at you from the inside. Cutting might make you feel better but it's a good sign that something isn't right. If your dog or cat was chewing itself raw you'd take it to the vet. As other have said here, and what you know to be true, you must talk with someone to work out your troubles.

There are other ways to make yourself feel better, when you feel like cutting, try running till you can't any more, try working out, try going for a long walk, exercise is great for the mind.

Answer 8

Hi Kelly
I think that the least of your worries is how your mom will take it. You NEED to get help, and what you can do is tell your mom that you are seeking help for it. It isn't fair on you not to seek help for fear of your mom finding out because the problem is not going to go away. There is a very high probability that you are suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been diagnosed with it, and it is quite a long process to get diagnosed, but if it is BPD, then there is help. Anyway, I've copied and pasted the criteria for BPD. Take care of yourself and you are welcome to contact me.

The Diagnostic Criteria

DSM
According to the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th Edition) ‘A person who suffers from this disorder has labile interpersonal relationships characterised by instability. This pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g. not just at work or home) and is often accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person’s affect [mood] or feelings. Relationships and the person’s affect may often be characterised as being shallow. A person with this disorder may also exhibit impulsive behaviours and exhibit a majority of the following symptoms:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Anyone with six or more of the above traits and symptoms may be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, the traits must be long-standing (pervasive) and there must be no better explanation for them (for example a physical illness, another mental illness or substance misuse).

Answer 9

Ignore the pathetic, negative comments above. Some people need to learn to be more understanding.

When you cut, you are basically scarring yourself for life. Most likely, your scars will be visible for a while, even if it's just a few months. But if the cuts are deep enough, the scars will be permanent. I have scars from months and months ago, that are very faint and barely noticable, but they still haunt me and remind me of my cutting phase. Please find another way of realising your anger, that won't stay with you for life. It's easier said then done, but things CAN get better.

I helped myself by letting my anger out in other ways. I'd punch my pillow, rip up old magazines, scribble on paper... I know these are unhealthy ways of dealing with anger, but it's hard to go from cutting to just bottling your anger up, or breathing deeply. Take one step at a time.

Good luck hun.

Answer 10

You should go and talk to your Doctor and also talk to to therapist.

The mind website has some imformation about self harm. The link at the bottom.

I have anxiety and depression and have been using an alternative therapy called Emotional Freedom Technique. It really has helped me a lot. Since using it I have been feeling a lot better. It's very good at getting rid of all kinds of negative emotions and dealing with all kinds of issues quickly. It does sound bizarre but does work. It might be something that can help you. If you type self harm in to the search engine of emofree.com you should find some articles about EFT helping people with these problems.

Answer 11

I cut as well but if its a need for blood or impulse try carrying a red marker.. I know it sounds dumb but when the need to cut arises scribble the hell out of your arm.. It sounds real stupid but I do know that it works, I've seen major improvements in my friend and her arm is still healing from the real cuts but at least now she doesn't have to hide. Its worth a shot but if you think its more severe then that you need to be honest with your family but mostly yourself and get professional help.. Good Luck