he has been through a lot, his dad and i got custody of him, annd for his unfit mother.. she got weekend and summer visitation. This year he started stealing, lying, and fighting everday in school. No matter what his dad and I do or take away he still does it. It's like he is completely psycho... he gets soooo mad at the littlest things and screams and cries. I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-13 13:01:52 · 10 answers · asked by jodie_hoffman 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First of all, he isn't bad. His behavior is bad.
Since his mother is unfit and has custody on the weekends and during the summer, I would be concerned there might be something going on that is harmful to the child. Perhaps seeking the help of a counselor would shed some light on what is bothering him.
I know it's hard on you, but please try to be patient with him and show your love for him all of the time. Although he's driving your crazy, fighting, stealing, and lying, he's still a little boy who's been through a rough time. It sounds like he's been hurt and is now being defensive in order to protect himself. Trying doing kind things for him throughout the day, even if he pushes you away. Eventually, he'll learn that he can depend on you for your kindness and love and that you won't take it away when he's "bad". This might persuade him to open up and talk with you about what is bothering him.
I wish you the best of luck. You're doing a marvelous thing for that child.
2007-09-13 13:43:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs to see a counselor. He sounds like he is really mad about the whole situation. Even though his Mom was not a good mother he probably misses her and deep inside he thinks he did something wrong. Also, if you say bad things about his mother in front of him or where he can hear this probably makes him mad too. He needs to learn constructive ways to deal with being angry. This can be really hard for a kid and it is also really hard to be a good parent to an angry child.
Find out if there are any counseling services available through the school, through social services, your local church or county. Having someone who will listen and not judge him (and I'm not sure that you can do this) would help him release his anger and he also needs to learn how to behave appropriately.
Hope this helps.
2007-09-13 13:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are no bad kids, just bad behavior. After a messy divorce a lot of kids act out to test their boundaries. You unfortunately can't do anything, but your husband needs to. he needs to talk to him - as much as possible. Talk about anything and everything and make sure he knows he loves him and is there for him if he needs anything. He sounds like he needs counceling and its very normal for child after or during a divorce to go through this and it could help quite a bit.
Lastly, he is 10 and could be starting puberty anytime now, so moody and tempermental is probably not giong away any time soon, but the other stuff needs to be worked through.
My step daughter was pretty angry when she first met me and had the whole "you're not my mom" attitude. But 4 years later we now laugh about that summer and can actually talk and joke and go places together. She still has her teenage moments, but that's normal. When she does misbehave, we basically ahve figured out what motivates her - money and a cell phone. If she talks back to teachers or gets sent home or something - loses cell phone. If she gets poor grades, loses cell phone. If she goes over minutes allocated on her cell phone - loses it and works the overage off by doing extra chores with no allowance. We set clear ground rules for everything and explained what consequences she will receive if she breakes the rules. We made sure she understood we love her and wants whats best for her, but she must have rules and respect us both to live in peace.
Unfortunately most of this relies on your husband's head because as step's - we are there to love and help pay bills, lol, but we have no real power. :)
Good luck.
2007-09-13 14:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by Rae T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to him about the time he spent with his mother? If she was deemed unfit then things weren't good at home, this could have affected his behaviour. He's not an inherently bad child, his behaviour is bad and it probably stems from his mother, he probably didn't get attention for the good things he did from her. You need to positively reinforce his GOOD behaviour, show him that your and his father's attention will be there, and that you will stand by him even if he acts bad.
Definately seek counseling for him, and both of you should be willing participants in helping him, he's only ten, the world around him is a little off and he sounds like he doesn't know how to react to it all. Good luck!
2007-09-13 13:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's acting out for a reason. I know boys are hard to talk to because I have one myself but have you tried asking him if anything specific is bothering him. Usually when my son starts acting strangely there's something bothering him. You'll be surprised what goes on inside our kids heads sometimes. If my son doesn't feel like talking when I approach him I don't push it. I just tell him that I really feel something is bothering him and if he doesn't talk to me I can't help him sort it out. Then I tell him if he changes his mind and wants to talk to me about anything I will listen and not judge no matter what it is. I let him know that sometimes just talking to someone helps. You said he's been through alot so chances are he's internalizing some things. I am divorced and my son has been through alot to and I know what you mean when their acting like that and your at your wits end.
2007-09-13 13:35:43 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Punish him. Big time. If he still does it then try sending him to a psychiatrist. It could have to do with the custody battle and all that stuff and that can really affect a child's life in a negative way. Psychiatrists can help.
2007-09-13 13:14:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'd say you should maybe think about taking him to see a counselor or someone to talk to and maybe oen of you can go with him sometimes..i went through a lot of different things when i was younger and it just helped to let it allll out to a complete stranger..its easier than talkign to your parents alot of the times and it prevented me from acting out in negative ways..good luck
2007-09-13 14:04:18 · answer #7 · answered by xo.NeW MoMMy in NYC.ox 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
heneeds to see a doctor and quick one of them is anger management plus other stuff yes he needs something right now. its sad for him being so young but he can't deal with al lthe mess and for him phycharist is the best way to go find osmone really good with children and get moving.
2007-09-15 13:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...Maybe you should keep a very close eye on him/her , so when you go to stores he/she does not steal. If this does not work, you must punish him/her.
2007-09-13 13:09:49 · answer #9 · answered by Persephone W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can tell u to not talk to him or ansower questions when u ask him or hite him with a belt or put him in too cold water that iz mi advice and i can tell u it warks becuse i waz one of that kind of kids but after mi mom did that i stoped every thing tell mi if it workes for u
2007-09-13 13:13:09 · answer #10 · answered by Ledializen 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋