Living with a bi-polar sufferer?

Question

Hi, I am currently living with a relative of mine who suffers from bi-polar, I have not had constant contact with this relative over the years but they are staying with me and my family for a few months while their house gets sorted. The thing is i am finding it quite difficult to understand their illness and to cope with their habbits. Can anyone give me any advice on living with someone who suffers from this or can anyone help me to understand the illness itself?

Answer 1

Hi Angelcakes

Before offering my contribution, I read the other 'answers'. Some are sensible, some less so - Bipolar Affective Disorder is surely one of the most disruptive major mental illnesses - certainly one that impacts, not just on the individual, but on the family and the community. It is characterised by cyclical extremes of mood and behaviour. For the sufferer, severe depression of mood must be the most intolerable. Paradoxically, severe mood elevation impacts more upon others than the sufferer - who may enjoy the ability to function at a pace that nobody else can keep up with. This is the difficulty for the sufferer - because with their mind running at an accelerated pace, it is only a matter of time before they inevitably come in conflict with the 'real world'. Bipolars are often artistic and creative thinkers, but they are running too fast and the rest of us cannot keep up. A good analogy is the trade-off between quality and quantity - in other words you can't have both. When thinking becomes so rapid as in an acute episode of mood elevation (a high) the quality of decision making and reality testing becomes severely challenged.

I have no advice to offer you as a person trying to support a bipolar who may be in a 'hypomanic' state - other than to try to look after your own wellbeing. They cannot be reasoned with and, as much as I disagree with the philosophy of 'a pill to fix everything', powerful medications are the most likely saviour for all converned. Despite all the half-arsed (excuse me) solutions offered by well intentioned laypersons and organisations - this is undoubtably a biochemical disorder that you cannot fix through 'talking therapies' and kindness. It is infinately variable in its extremes: one person may have an acute episode every 10 years, whilst another will 'rapid cycle' several times per month. The prognosis is also not great: -whilst the other major mental illness (schizophrenia) may 'burn-out' in old age, Bipolar Affective Disorder often continues into old age. There are many well-meaning mental health charities and pressure groups that criticise the NHS mental health services for the way they manage such disorders - often accusing them of depending too much on sedating medication. Well - forgive me -but until you've nursed such unfortunate individuals on an acute psychiatric ward - or tried to survive at home with an affected relative - you have no idea. Sorry for the rant.

Answer 2

I strongly recommend you try the following www.webmd.com And I bet there is one for bipolar disorder organization since it is all over the TV about the medications that help. Bipolar disorder was once (still is in some places) called manic depresison. It is a chemical imbalance that a person did not cause. And living with a person with this diagnosis is frustrating but they can live an average enjoyable life.

People with bipolar have very drastic mood swings from very depressed and withdrawn to very overly active and easily angered. The idea of the medication, which must be taken consistnetly, stabilies those mood swings to the middle. Oh, the swing may not be real evident and the person may stay at one extreme for days at a time. And sometimes the littlest thing sets them off.

Set some ground rules as soon as possible. Do not let the person just lounge around all day (sign of depression) or cause damage or swear, etc. If they are supposed to take a medication or see a psychiatrist or counselor, then they should. Consistency is the best advise I can give you.

Answer 3

Before being diagnosed in 96 I was a terrible person when I would get angry. My moods escalated rapidly and as fast as they would go up the faster they came crashing down. After several and I mean several hospitalizations I realized through education that I needed to start being responsible for my mental health and physical health. I started to attend bipolar support groups through nami. National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Website below. I also looked online for groups, I joined a clubhouse that is for people who have serious mental illnesses, learned everything I could learn to understand better. The library is a good resource as well. I was lucky to have found the right medication. I have supportive people in my life including me therapist ( which I no longer see because I am much better in that area ) my med doc is 100% helpful. She listens and lets me be a part of my recovery instead of having that power struggle. If you feel uneasy about a doc, then fire her/him. The best way to cope in any situation is through education and just learning as much as you can. Realize that people are people. How would you treat someone that has Cancer? Aids? blind? deaf, etc. Good luck

Answer 4

The other responders have given some good links to check out. Is this person under the care of a psychaitrist? IAre they medicated? It makes the illness more tolerable to live with and the individual is happier when they are medicated. If they are medicated and still have all the symptoms, the meds aren't working and they need to make a visit to their doctor. It requires a lot of patience and understanding because these individuals have no control over their behavior. It's a very sad illness if not treated. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Hi, my mum has bi-polar and it can be very difficult to live with someone with the condition, but the thing I've found has helped the situation is patience. I used to get really annoyed with some of the stranger things she did (like excessive chatting and argueing during periods of mania) but now I'm a bit older I kinda know to just keep quiet and understand more that it's the illness that makes her be annoying or sometimes lose her temper very easily and say nasty things. Everyone's symptoms are different but my mums are that she will have periods of depression where she just lays in bed, cries and is very pessimistic and negative for weeks at a time, and then she usually has a short period of about a week where she has no symptoms, then she starts to go on a 'high' as we call it, or an episode of mania, where she's excessively chatty and it seems like her brain is never off because doesn't sleep for more than 2 hrs a night, in conversation she switches from subject to subject and can talk for long periods about herself without including the other person in the conversation.She also will just drive off without telling people where she is and spending loads of money because of impulsive decisions. Also during the highs recently she's been having mood swings where she snaps or gets aggressive if we tell her to calm down or try to make her understand she's on a high. I'm just saying this to give you an example of some symptoms, but everyone is different. From what I've read my mum seems to have it quite severly, but the symptoms can come in varying degrees for different lengths of time. When she first started having highs we used to argue alot and I would try to make her see where I felt she was in the wrong over something, for example conversation hogging, but that causes more arguements so now I know just to agree for the sake of peace and because she doesn't really know how strangely she's acting at the time because of the illness. I would say just try not to think 'why is she/he doing that?' and 'can't they see how weird that is' if they do anything out of the ordinary, periods of depression or mania always come and go, they may make it seem like the person is acting differently and affects their personality but they are still the same underneath so if they do anything to annoy or offend you don't take it to heart because it might just be a manifestation of the illness. I find the manic episodes to be worse than the depressions but if he or she has strange habits just try to accept it and not to change their behaviour, this could lead to arguements. But most of all don't treat your relative any differently, you might not be able to understand some of the things they do but you'll come to get used to it, if they ever do something to annoy you just bite your lip and think 'it's not them that's annoying me, it's the bi-polar behaviour and they can't help that'. I hope that helped!

Answer 6

Bi-polar is the modern term for manic depressive. Mood swings between elation and depression are the main symptom and these are usually cyclical and can be weeks or months before the cycles change. It's hard to give advice as each case is individual but try to be responsive - your relative may feel very insecure and may appear anti-social without meaning to be. If that is the case try to give some space but the fact that you care and if you lat it known that you are there will always be appreciated.

Answer 7

My brother is bi-polar, he gets sectioned at least once a year and it is terrible. It usually takes him about 2 weeks in hospital before i can take him anywhere and then another few days for him to go back to his flat and live as normal a life as he can. I totally agree with psychnurse. Good luck

Answer 8

I lived with someone bi-polar and the only bit of advice I can give is to go with the flow. When they are up, they ar really really up, so enjoy it, have a laugh, and just go with the flow of craxy ideas they get.

When they are down, run like hell. When my flat mate was having a down, I used to avoid her completely becuase she could rip into me for the stupidest things and it put a strain on our friendship. We mutually agreed that i should stay out of her way when she was down, and it worked fine.

Different people suffer with it differently though, so you really are just gonna have to play it by ear.

Answer 9

Try this link to the Mind website.

Understanding bipolar disorder:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+manic+depression.htm

the information is easy to read and understand, and should give you some understanding of the illness.

The following link to the Mind website may also prove useful.

How to cope as a carer:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+cope+as+a+carer.htm

Hopefully the information will help you when dealing with your relative. I'm sure they would be proud to know that you are seeking to educate yourself, and if you choose to ask them any questions you may be surprised to find that they will welcome the chance to discuss it with you.

Take care and good luck.

Answer 10

I know someone with this disorder. Sometimes they're up and sometimes they're down. There mood swings very often. When she is down sometimes it gets so bad that she has to be hospitalized. This is a very serious illness and just make sure she is taking her proper meds