Can u force a child?

Question

My daughter is 10 in December. Her father is supposed to get her on weekends. Well i have been fighting this problem with her since she was 4. She never wants to go and if i force her she cries for hours on end talking about how she hates it there and she hates teh way he treats her. She's old enough now to have friends and sleep over's so she wants to go to her friends house the whole weekend, so she called and told her dad that she did not want to go this weekend. He told her that she has no choice and he will be there to pick her up and she better be ready. After 6 yrs of forcing this child to do this i feel it's only hurtnig her more and more every time i do so and i dont' know what to do, so i am asking for opinions and help. Serious people only please and thank you in advance!

Answer 1

okay the father, i understand he wants to see her, but if she doesn't like the way he treats her then she shouldn't have to go, you should get a court order for this.

because it isn't fair for her to go when she doesn't want to, and if she cries she must REALLY not want to go, i hope he doesn't do anything horrible to her.
anyways you should try to get this resolved with the court.

i hope i helped, thats my opinion.
hope you get this fixed.
=]

Answer 2

i am not sure where you are from, but i think in england at 10 a court will take into consideration the wishes of the child. Are you certain there is no abuse happening or anything similar. i find it rather strange that this has gone on for 6 years, take some advice from a lawyer, and support your child, there may be a very good reason that she does not want to go. Dont let her father bully you, you are there to protect her, i understand how you feel , but please take advice urgently.

Answer 3

She needs to tell you why she hates it there! Is he insistent because he truly loves her or because he wants to get his money's worth? If there is reason to believe that he is mistreating or neglecting her, then you can go to court and change the visitation agreement.
Every weekend seems excessively disruptive at her age. Maybe he could have her for longer periods not as often, such as some holidays and vacations. Try for sleepovers at odd times like teacher work days when school is out.

Answer 4

O'my....I see huge red flags here! If she's felt this way since she was four then there could be something seriously wrong with this picture! Look at this closely and be objective. Is she spoiled & manipulating you by playing off your guilt? Or if not (which I'm leaning strongly towards the "not" part of this) you need to get a lawyer to advise you on the best way to investigate the possibility of abuse as well as a doctor that can descretely examine her and possibly even talk to her to see if she might say anything. I'm not saying to jump up this min and scream abuse! I'm saying think this through and investigate it descretely and wisely.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 5

If she is having that much of a negative reaction, I think you need to investigate. It seems that there may be more to this than you know. Kids usually do not have that much of a negative reaction. I would recommend talking to an attorney to see what you can do to put a stop to the visits until you can find out more information.
Consider a counselor where she won't feel threatened to tell what is going on.

Answer 6

could you give examples as to why she doesnt want to go? my daughter was being mistreated not by her father but his new wife and her kids. I did stop the visitations and told him that if he wanted to see her it was under the rules of only outings, going out to eat and to the movies, but my daughter would lay her head on her pillow in her bed at our home not his and her opinions do count in court let him know that he doesnt control you anymore and the court might just see her point of views.. lol also jazzone is a total pain in the a--. my daughter is 18 in college studing for her bachelor in child pshc. and she has done great with out a supportive father figure..you jazzone blow

Answer 7

Both you and dad should be working with her, encouraging her to respect both parents & her relationship with each of you.

Even in intact families, the parents are different people with different ways of doing things. It's good for children to have two different points of view, two people coming at things from different angles.

And, in intact families, you almost never see one parent telling a child that they don't have to mind or spend time with the other parent. I don't know why that parenting support gets thrown out the window when parents divorce.

Besides supporting her dad & encouraging her to find ways to be happy in her relationship with him, this is between the two of them. Have you considered a family counselor to help work this all out?

Answer 8

She has to go or you'll be in contempt of court. He has visitation rights, you cannot take that away from him, your daughter is not an adult, so she can't choose for herself. I guess the only thing you can do is go back to court & have your daughter tell the judge that she doesn't want to see her father & why.

Answer 9

Find out why she doesn't want to go. There may be a good reason that she doesn't want to. If it's just because he's more strict on her, than that isn't a reason to keep her away, but if there's more to it, you need to know.
Talk to her. If you need to, get him there to speak with you both. He is her father and he needs to know why she doesn't want to go as well. Talk to her alone first.

Answer 10

i dont know what state you are in. but some states 10 is it for their choice. so you need to find lawyer and find out if it can be stopped it wont' stop the child support though. take care.